My very busy week

Hi Everyone:Sorry I havent been around visiting all your sites ,but will get around to you all in the next couple of days Well I have had a very busy week.Monday: Off to the Doctors for my 3monthly visit and to get my blood test results , pleased to report he was very pleased with me. Tuesday: Away to my Bowling club,As we were hosting the Pennant preliminery finals, it was all hands on deck to help look after all visiting competitors(94) in total also spectators from other clubs.Wednesday:Off to Wangaratta For my yearly Mammagram and Abdom.Ultra sounds.Thursay:A visit to hairdresser,then Physio, and my Gym workout after which I paid a visit to my sister.Friday: Off to Wodonga (approx 1hr away)With my good friends Gwen and Brian for lunch at our favorite watering hole. and a bit of retail therepy.looking forward to a quiet weekend.

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Now to end with a couple of jokes

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the
appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to
enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each
time he has to log on

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for
the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So when the
computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to
his wife that he was keying in....
P...
E...
N...
I...
S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((((RING))))
**Pick Up**
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul"
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."
"Oh yes I do and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

Brief Pause
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on
the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and
shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"
"Okay Daddy, just a minute"
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy"
"And what happened honey?" he asked
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed
with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool. But I guess he
didn't know that you took out the water last
week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"
Long Pause
Longer Pause
Then Daddy says: "Swimming pool??
...... Is this 486-5731?

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A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Corvette convertible. He
took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind
blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal
to the metal even more.

Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper
behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from
him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and
flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph. Then he
thought,"What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."

He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to
catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked
up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in
30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were
speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with
a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper

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A few photo's of our local birds

Ducks thought my pool looked the ideal place for a dip.

Donna took this photo Of the Austalian Kookaburra (laughing Jackass) perched on the handlebars of one of the kids bikes from inside her home looking through her glass door .. If you go to the link I hope it laughs for you all.

This Masked Lapwing ,Has nested with 3 eggs in Donna's Driveway.the nest.being the dark patch in left hand bottom corner.

sitting on the eggs

Habitat: Is widespread across Australia found in open grasslands, swampland, city parks and sports ovals. Wanders open areas in search of insects, worms, and other small creatures

Pink Galahs at the park on my corner

These beautiful pink and grey parrots are a common sight in most areas of Australia. Sociable birds, Galahs can be seen flying in large flocks to forage and roost together and to nest in the hollows of trees. Found in suburban gardens of many towns and cities, their gregarious and friendly nature makes them a welcome visitor.

Gwen and myself were standing in my driveway when this Cockatoo landed in the in the tree opposite,I hurried inside got my camera as luck happened it waited then posed for me.

as I took the 1st pic its mate arrived

AUSSIE TRACKER

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End.On there way to Kakado he was describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or beast over land through the air,under the sea.

The Americans were incredulous

Then later that day,the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road an Aborigine.

He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air

The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine.

"Jacky"said the tour guide,"what are you tracking and what are you listening for?"

The Aborigine replied,"Down the road about 25 miles is a1971 Valiant Ute.

Its red, The left tyre is bald,The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel.

There are 9Blackfellas in the back,all drinking warm sherry.

There are 3Kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat."

The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this pricise and detailed knowledge.

"Dammit man how do you know all that?"asked one!

The Aborigine replied,

"I FELL OUT OF THE FRIGGIN THING ABOUT HALF HOUR AGO!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month agoEach day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator.
One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.The psychologist delicately went to work. He gave Little Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chatted with Little Johnny. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Every day for two weeks, the tests continued. Yet everyday, Little Johnny continued to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns.Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something was terribly wrong, the child psychologist decided to give Little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happened.Little Johnny opened the box of crayons and said, "Oh, Boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"

A FEW JOKES

A ROMANTIC AT HEART
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?

’""But why?" asks the man.

"I’m a divorce lawyer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Dentist
A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as
he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't" she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex. Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw
them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile. "Oh well, I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.
Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!

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Girls night out

The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls.
I promised my husband that I would be home by midnight.

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy
Around 3am (a bit loaded) I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "midnight." He didn't seem mad at all.
Whew!! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why?, he said,

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit," cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times , giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and passed gas."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blondie

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed.

"YES!YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, What did she roll?"The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching.

"MORAL OF THE STORY - Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men

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A few more plants in my backyard

Hi everyone! Firstly I would to thank you all for your concern regarding my fall.
Well how did it happen. It happened so quick and simple ,we had just come out Donna's Back door and was walking to the car to go on yet another trip to the strawberry farm.SeeGwens Den for pics.My foot went in a small hole the dog had dug and down I went. no damage done just a shock to the system and a couple of bruises .

Now some photo's from my backyard

Belladonna Lily or Naked Lady

Large cacti Elegans Pink Crepe Myrtle

Jade fully recovered after being severely cut back to a small stalk after last winter frost

Finally my Jessicia rose bush in bloom

PET HUMOUR

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful COCKATOO.
There was a sign on the cage that said $20.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the COCKATOO had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Peter came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi, Peter !"

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DANGER BEWARE OF DOG!
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying

"DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Four ducks"
There were four ducks that got arrested while messing around at the pond. The judge orders the ducks to come in one at a time to speak their piece.

The first duck comes in."What's your name,son?", the judge asks."Duck", replied the duck.

"What are you in for?" the judge asks."Well, I was sitting at the pond blowing bubbles, and the cop came by and arrested me.

"The judge said "O.K., send in the next duck.

"The next duck came in. His name was "Duck,Duck", and he told the exact same story as the first duck.

After his examination, the judge asked for the third duck to be sent in.

The third duck's name was "Duck,Duck,Duck", and he told the same story as the first two.

Finally, the judge sent for the fourth duck.As he came in, the judge said,"Let me guess...Your name is Duck,Duck,Duck,Duck...right?"

The duck replied, "No sir, my name is Bubbles."

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REMEMBER

My Rememberer Is Broke
My forgetter's getting better but my rememberer is broke.

To you that may seem funny but, to me, that is no joke For when I'm "here"

I'm wondering if I really should be "there" And, when I try to think it through, I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room, say "what am I here for?" I wrack my brain, but all in vain, a zero is my score.

At times I put something away where it is safe, but, see! The person it is safest from is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone, say "Hi" and have a chat, Then, when the person walks away I ask myself, "who's that?" Yes, my forgetter's getting better while my rememberer is broke, And it's driving me plumb crazy and that isn't any joke.

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BLONDIE
*A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the
stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "We don't have any"
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde "Do you have the container
that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks
at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm
deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from
the container......

"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."*
~~~~~~~~~~

IRISH

*Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an

important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to

heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking
place I will go to **Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and
give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said,

"Never mind, I found one."*

. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read
in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his
best friend, Finney
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"*

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Why is it that people say

they "slept like a baby"

when babies wake up every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,

but check when you say the paint is wet?

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A LITTLE HUMOUR

Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store gives you a hard time -
A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,


"PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?" She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed,

,"PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES,PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!"

And doing so draws an even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?" In a huff, the woman says,

BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!" The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Roy
Little Roy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up, and he thought this was a good time to tell his Mother what he wanted.

"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Roy was a bit of a troublemaker He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Roy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. "Of course", he said.

Roy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room , Roy, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."

Little Roy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1

Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Roy.

Roy knew that it was not true. He had not been a good boy this year, so he tore it up and started over.

Letter 2

Dear God, I have been an OK boy this year. I still would like a bike for my birthday. Roy. knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Roy wrote a third letter.

Letter 3

Dear God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you, Roy.

Roy knew that it was not true. By now he was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother that he needed to go to church.

She thought her plan had worked. " Just be home for dinner," she told him. Roy walked down the street to the church on the corner.

He went to the altar.

Roy looked around to see if anyone was looking as he bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it up under his shirt and ran out the church going back home.

He ran to his room and shut the door. Roy began to write his letter to God.

Letter 4

Dear God, I got your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike. Signed, You know who.

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A couple of Quotes
Do not lose your inward peace for anything
what so ever even if your whole world seems upset.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever you see a successful business.

someone once made a courageous decision

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ENJOY A LITTLE MORE HUMOR

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Modern Birds and Bees
A little boy asks his father, "Daddy, how was I born?

"The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-café.

I upgraded my floppy to a stiffy and then your mother agreed to do a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said:

'You've got male'."

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Pregnant Blonde

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway
just jumping for joy!

I didn't know why she was jumping for joy, but I thought, what the heck,

and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said,"I have some really great news!

I said, "Great, tell me why you're so happy."

She stopped jumping, and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down,

told me that she was pregnant!

I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her,

"That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!"

Then she said, "There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby.

We are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.She said...........................
(You're going to love this!)

v

"Well, that was the easy part.

I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack.

Both tests came out positive!"

==========================================

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,marriage and values.

Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got MARRIED, did you?

"Leroy replied, "I'm not sure,What was her maiden name?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"AINT LOVE GRAND"

An 80 year-old was arrested for shop lifting .

When she went before the judge he ask her ,

"What did you steal?"

She replied: "A can of peaches"

The judge then ask her how many peaches in the can.

She replied"6"

The judge then said, I "I will give you 6 days in Jail"

Before the judge could pronounce the punishment,

The husband spoke up and said

"She also stole a can of peas"

========================

A LITTLE QUOTE

If you have food in your refrigerator,

clothes on your back,

a roof over your head and a place to sleep,

you are richer than 75% of this world.

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