Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Walking the dog

Gday Everyone,

I hope your all well where ever you maybe.

Im very well and pleased to report had my last visit to optometrist my eyes have improved greatly and no need for a return visit Yippeee!!!!

Im back playing indoor carpetbowls Monday evenings and Thursday afternoon, outdoor lawn bowls Tuesday and Wednesdays . Thats about all except the normal home duties and pottering around the garden when its not to hot ..

Now heres a couple of jokes to share with you all..


WALKING THE DOG

A WOMAN was flying from Melbourne to Brisbane .
Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sydney along the way.
The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board In 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was Blind.
A man had noticed her as he walked by and Could tell the lady was blind because her GuideDog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by Name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sydney for almost an hour, would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would Like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill,when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Guide dog!

The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
People scattered.

They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story... Have a great day and remember...

....THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.

**************
Jack Daniels

Finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms.
Then I saw a viper snake with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth; I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back and he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on my fishing with the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
There was that same damn snake sitting with two frogs in his mouth.

**********
Why I fired my Secretary.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.' I thought..
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids...
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday !
' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go !' We went to lunch.
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?' I responded, 'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?' She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.
'After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I'll be right back.
' 'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there..

. On the couch...


Naked.

~~~~~~~~`

Teaching English to the natives
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission
in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he
realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and
says to the chief, 'This is a tree.'
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, 'Tree.'
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he
points to a rock and says, 'This is a rock.'
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, 'Rock.'

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears
a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of
natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, 'Man riding a bike.'

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years
teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how
could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, 'My bike.'

Enjoy your day and remember to keep off the roads

when riding someone elses bicycle!
***************
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!!

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15 Comments:

Blogger PEA said...

Hello dear Jen:-)

Such great news about your eyes!! No doubt you are happy to be able to go back to your lawn bowling and resume normal activities:-)

Loved the jokes, especially that first one...but wait, that one is a true story! I think seeing a pilot come out of the plane with a guide dog would make me think twice as well! hehe

Have a great week my friend. xoxo

February 17, 2010 8:13 am  
Blogger Peter said...

Good to hear that your eyes are good to go Jan

February 17, 2010 12:14 pm  
Blogger Marjorie said...

Jen, Good news about your eyes. It was a long haul but a good outcome.

We are heading down to Texas. We are in Boston visiting our daughter for a few days. It snowed today. I just cant get away from it. Soon, I hope! Stay cool.

February 17, 2010 12:32 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

G'Day Dear Jan ~~ I am so very happy that your eyes have finally come good
I have been so worried about you.
Loved the jokes and glad you are back to the Bowls you love so much.
I am much the same, swollen feet and legs and very short of breath. I see
the doctor tomorrow, snd maybe he will try something else.
Take great care, dear friend.
Love, Merle.

February 17, 2010 10:41 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

So wonderful that you are good to go with you eyes. I love hearing the success stories (as I know I will be having that surgery some day ..)

February 18, 2010 3:08 am  
Blogger Tinsie said...

Excellent news! Well done :-)

February 18, 2010 6:12 am  
Blogger Hootin' Anni said...

Hello dear Jan!!! I love to hear good news like you posted. It's great you are now fully recovered from your eye surgery.

And that very first one...about the seeing-eye dog was a hoot.

February 18, 2010 11:08 pm  
Blogger Bob said...

Hi Jeanette, glad to hear the good news about your eyes. Stay cool and have fun. Bob.

February 19, 2010 5:01 am  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

Really funny jokes. Love the snake and frog. LOL
Glad you got good news and back to enjoying bowling. Peace

February 19, 2010 7:05 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jen, I am soooooooo glad for you! I want to see those trophies at the end of the season again! Eyes are very necessary aren't they! My future looks towards blindness but I think I told you that. It won't be fun.

Loved your jokes, my first pick it is the smart snake. Second will be the blind pilot. The others were equally as good though I'd heard them a long time ago. I never remember them so I just get tuned in again as the joke goes along.
Cheers,
..

February 19, 2010 12:47 pm  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi Jeanette,

Good to hear about your good news about your eyes. Woot!

I loved your first story, too funny and a true story, too.

Janice~

February 20, 2010 3:39 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Congratulations on your latest eye exam, Jen. Wish I could say the same...

Loved that first story...I think I'd have the same reaction if I saw that.

February 21, 2010 12:57 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi again Dear Jan ~~I am about the same, swelling not going down yet.
Thanks for your phone call and it will be nice to see you and Pauline
soon. I am glad you liked the Starbucks story and the jokes about Paddy. Take care, my dear friend and
look after you too. Love, Merle.

February 22, 2010 8:08 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Hey Jen, great to see you back blogging, and even greater to hear your good news about your eyes! Sight is so precious to us all.

February 26, 2010 2:29 am  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jen. I'm glad to hear that your eyes have improved. Take care!

March 09, 2010 12:48 am  

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