Thursday, February 15, 2007

A FEW JOKES


A ROMANTIC AT HEART
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?
’""But why?" asks the man.
"I’m a divorce lawyer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Dentist
A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as
he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't" she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex. Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw
them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile. "Oh well, I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.
Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girls night out
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls.
I promised my husband that I would be home by midnight.
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy
Around 3am (a bit loaded) I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up,
I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "midnight." He didn't seem mad at all.
Whew!! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why?, he said,
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit," cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times , giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and passed gas."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blondie
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed.
"YES!YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, What did she roll?"The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching.
"MORAL OF THE STORY - Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

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15 Comments:

Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

LOL!!!

Good jokes! I especially like that cuckoo clock one!

Junie

February 16, 2007 2:19 am  
Blogger Raggedy said...

Hahahaha!
I hope you had a wonderful Valentine's day!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

February 16, 2007 4:04 am  
Blogger Susie said...

All cute, but my favorite was the girls night out!
:)

February 16, 2007 8:45 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Oh Jen, you did it again...made me almost spit out my water while laughing! lol Loved them all especially the blonde one! hehe

February 16, 2007 12:54 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ All greaat jokes again.
Thanks for the comments, glad you liked the Tablecloth story. It was a
very nice one and popular. The days
are getting much warmer aren't they?
Hope we survive!! I am expecting Geoff and Joanne later this evening.
And heat and all, Geoff will work in the garden. Take care, Love, Merle.

February 16, 2007 5:40 pm  
Blogger Anita said...

Hoho, that dentist joke was fun!

Have a ... funny week-end!

February 17, 2007 7:47 am  
Blogger RUTH said...

Great, great jokes....I don't know where you get them all from!

February 17, 2007 8:23 am  
Blogger Margaret said...

Hi Gwen loved the jokes, particularly all men are men tag. Thanks for visit.
Cheers an hugs Margaret

February 17, 2007 4:03 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Thanks for sharing those jokes. A good laugh is what I need today. Thanks for visiting earlier.

February 18, 2007 4:43 am  
Blogger Donnak said...

Those are all great but I think the dentist one is too funny!

Visit me when you can. I have moved my blog to http://donnak.wordpress.com

February 18, 2007 10:01 am  
Blogger Jim said...

I think the "blonde joke" doesn't qualify as a bona fide blonde joke.
..

February 18, 2007 3:53 pm  
Blogger RUTH said...

I really hope you don't mind but as you have so many visitors from Australia....Could I use your comment box to relate a little further information I have in my quest for the painting of Mick. It seems there was a Greg Moore, an Australian entrepreneur, who founded Bridge International (later renamed Pont Data Company)"Bridge International" an IT firm specialising in supplying online information to the finance industry. I believe this company may have had problems in 1991. He lived at Smallbridge Hall, Bures, Suffolk, England and may be the one Mick did some work for.
If I can find Greg he may know the whereabouts of the artist.
Thanks I know it's a long shot. Australia is a big place but the world is getting smaller everyday with the internet.
Ruth
xx

February 18, 2007 7:20 pm  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate..
Great jokes, you learn quickly
Just Jokeing Ha! Ha! xx

February 18, 2007 8:26 pm  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi,

Lol on the jokes, and especially the not so dumb blond!

Janice~

February 18, 2007 8:27 pm  
Blogger UKBob said...

Ha ha I don't know where you come up with all these jokes Jeanette, I like the little pics too. Bob.

February 19, 2007 10:01 pm  

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