A FEW JOKES

A ROMANTIC AT HEART
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?

’""But why?" asks the man.

"I’m a divorce lawyer."

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The Dentist
A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as
he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't" she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex. Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw
them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile. "Oh well, I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.
Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!

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Girls night out

The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls.
I promised my husband that I would be home by midnight.

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy
Around 3am (a bit loaded) I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "midnight." He didn't seem mad at all.
Whew!! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why?, he said,

"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit," cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times , giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and passed gas."

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Blondie

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed.

"YES!YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, What did she roll?"The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching.

"MORAL OF THE STORY - Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men

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