Christmas

Gday Everyone.
I hope all is well where ever you may be , and your'e all well underway with your Christmas preparations. I am very well , my eyes are improving everyday I have been able to get tested for new glasses now just waiting for a phone call to say their ready so i can pick them up Hopefully just after Christmas .

This will be my last post for a little while as I will be going over to Carol's spending Christmas Eve /Day with her and her family. .Then returning home as from the 26th Gary,Joanne and their families and friends will be visiting and staying with me over the Christmas /New Year holidays. So a lot of fun and lots of laughter will be had by all, along the way I promise to take a lot of photo's and Blog them on my return.

I would like to wish you all
A Very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Now to end with a few jokes .

First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Pete r at the pearly gates.
'In honour of this holy season' Saint Pete r said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.
' The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gate' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Pete r looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season Begins.. />

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The lost Bagpiper

As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends.
The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late.
I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long but this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch.
I played out my heart and soul.
As I played the workers began to weep.
I played and I played as if I'd never played before, from Going Home and
The Lord is My Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest.
I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car
. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, Sweet Jeezuz, Mary 'n Joseph, I have never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.

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Lubricant

Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.
He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,!
'Ain't dat grand, !!' Murphy got excited by this,
but just then the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, !'The doctor then delivered a little girl.
He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....'Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we aint got done yet, !'
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, 'Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !'
Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'
The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'
Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'
When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said,
'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'
She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'Murph said, 'I'll tell you, ....it's a Bloody good ting we didn't use WD-40.

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Little Johnny

A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny holding a list."Lady," Johnny explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.""Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?""My babysitter's boyfriend."

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A smile is a sign of joy.
A hug is a sign of love.
A laugh is a sign of happiness.