Friday, April 09, 2010

A little senior merriment

Gday all,
I hope you are all had a very happy Easter long weekend as I did . Gary, Christine / Joanne , Colin and their families along with friends Marc,Kristy and Baby Aiden arrived Thursday evening. Then surprise Carol and Ian arrived Saturday making it 17 in all. A happy fun time with lots of laughter was had by all. with perfect weather plenty of sunshine , a few drinks and the swimming pool getting plenty of use ..All stayed on till Monday/ Tuesday.
A happy fun time filled with lots of laughter was had by all..

Now on with a few jokes to put a little laughter into our lives .


Couple in their nineties

are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ...
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks
'No, I can remember it.
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream.
I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast ?'

**********

Hospital regulations

require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.. 'I don't know,' he said.
'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.
'
************

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age.
How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!?

Like a newborn baby!?

' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
****************

An elderly gentleman......

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.
Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.

I've changed my will three times!'

*****************

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.
His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question..
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up... He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door..' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't.

All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..

************

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal
with seniors this should help you understand them a little
better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing,
someday you will be......The £2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for £2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.' 'Then, I'll have to charge you three pounds and forty-nine pence because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her. 'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked
incredulously. 'YES!!' stated the waitress. 'I'll take the special then,' my wife said. 'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked. 'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! WE'VE been around the block more than once!

*********
LADY'S YEARLY EXAM

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse started with certain basics."How much do you weigh?
she asked."135," I said.
The nurse put me on the scale
It turns out my weight is 180.
The nurse asked, "Your height?""5 foot 4," I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5' 2"
She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.
"Of course it's high" I screamed,
'When I came in here Iwas tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!

"She put me on Prozac.

What a bitch
*******

Labels:

13 Comments:

Blogger Gattina said...

What a nice Easter you had ! Mine was rather lousy ! Mr. G. had a cold and it was grey, rainy and cold and our son couldn't come ! The perfect Easter, I did nothing !
I will ask for an icecream tonight, lol!

April 10, 2010 12:15 am  
Blogger Mike Golch said...

Gday Jen,Glad you Easter was that good.We had a great dinner with Celestine's Mom,that the day went to hell after that,I had several seizures and ended up brealing my BIL's hand rail while leaving his home due to a seizure.

April 10, 2010 1:20 am  
Blogger Winifred said...

Sounds like a great time. Must have been like feeding the 5,000!

Love the senior stuff.

April 10, 2010 5:13 am  
Blogger Janice said...

The garage door and the last one were pretty funny.

Janice~

April 11, 2010 2:29 pm  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

Sounds like a wonderful Easter weekend was had by all on your side of the pond. I am sure glad I was not drinking anything when I read the garage door one, or else my computer screen would have had a bath. Peace

April 12, 2010 9:10 am  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Sounds like your Easter was a lot of fun, Jen. I can relate to the lady at the doctors in the last joke...lol.

April 12, 2010 1:54 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

I needed those giggles!

April 13, 2010 3:23 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Dear Jan ~~ I am so glad your Easter
was so good for you and your family.
The jokes were all great, hard to choose the best. I am not thinking too well as I have a lot of pain in
one leg - it hurts to walk and the pain tablets are making me confused
and not typing too well. Had X rays
which showed nothing. etc etc.
Sorry to complain. Take great care
dear friend, Love, Merle.

April 14, 2010 1:24 pm  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jan -- I am glad you had a nice crowd of relatives over for Easter! We need that.
It sounds like your tests are like mine. Besides the blood and ultra sound I do a nuclear stress test for one six months and a spiral CT Scan for the next. I have five stents now.

I really liked your old folks stories. Some are 'clasics.' Adi and I like the older generation, we passed our therapy dog team tests last Saturday. When our certification gets renewed we will resume visiting the 'old folk' at the local assisted living home. We are older than some of them.
..

April 17, 2010 2:44 pm  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Hi Jan
Sorry not to have been around very much. I had very little computer access and found it hard to keep in touch the way I wanted to.
Sounds like you had a cracking Easter. I liked the food joke, but I din't think it's going to take me another 50 years to become that forgetful, I'm not even 40 and my memory's pretty awful already
;->...

May 06, 2010 8:21 am  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jen. How are you? I just came by to wish you a Happy Mother's Day. Take care my friend. God bless.

May 08, 2010 7:35 pm  
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