A little senior merriment

Gday all,
I hope you are all had a very happy Easter long weekend as I did . Gary, Christine / Joanne , Colin and their families along with friends Marc,Kristy and Baby Aiden arrived Thursday evening. Then surprise Carol and Ian arrived Saturday making it 17 in all. A happy fun time with lots of laughter was had by all. with perfect weather plenty of sunshine , a few drinks and the swimming pool getting plenty of use ..All stayed on till Monday/ Tuesday.
A happy fun time filled with lots of laughter was had by all..

Now on with a few jokes to put a little laughter into our lives .

Couple in their nineties

are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ...

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure..'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks

'No, I can remember it.

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.

Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream.

I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!

Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes,

The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast ?'

**********

Hospital regulations

require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.. 'I don't know,' he said.

'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.
'

************

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age.

How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!?

Like a newborn baby!?

' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

****************

An elderly gentleman......

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.

Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.

I've changed my will three times!'

*****************

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.

His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'

The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question..

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up... He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door..' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't.

All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..

************

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal
with seniors this should help you understand them a little
better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing,
someday you will be......The £2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for £2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.' 'Then, I'll have to charge you three pounds and forty-nine pence because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her. 'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked
incredulously. 'YES!!' stated the waitress. 'I'll take the special then,' my wife said. 'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked. 'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! WE'VE been around the block more than once!

*********
LADY'S YEARLY EXAM

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

The nurse started with certain basics."How much do you weigh?

she asked."135," I said.

The nurse put me on the scale

It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, "Your height?""5 foot 4," I said.

The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5' 2"

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

"Of course it's high" I screamed,

'When I came in here Iwas tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!

"She put me on Prozac.

What a bitch
*******