GAS

I went into the Service station today and Asked for five dollars worth of gas.

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

(The actual cost to fill my car today was $82.00)

____________________
What Starts with F and ends with K
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade.

My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in

the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the

principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test.

If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.

She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

" Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer,

Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

" Harr:y "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?

" Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A LESSON IN LOGIC
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....What more can I say........

BITS AND PIECES

Hi all just a couple of photo's today

Well the house is all quiet again now Joanne and children have gone.

I must say we had a lovely time together and I was able to spoil the little ones with lots of cuddles and treats

Timothy , Kara , Liam

Ready to leave Nan's and off to Auntie Carols

Schools in

Cazz Giving a lesson to Gwen and Myself on blogging but I am not sure

how much sunk in as at this stage it was early evening and we had ,had a few brandy and dry's. so Carol next lesson you better start earlier in the day .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOW TO FINISH OFF WITH A JOKE

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly,her husband burst into the kitchen."Careful"he said Put in some more butter!Oh my God! you're cooking too many at once.Turn them! !"We need more butter".they're going to Stick!Careful!I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking!. Turn them hurry up!Are you crazy?Have you lost you're mind?Dont forget to salt them. The salt! the salt!!!The Wife stared at him."What in the world is wrong with you? Do you think I dont know how to fry a couple of eggs?"The husband calmly replied'"

I just wanted to show you what it feels like when im Driving

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For every minute you are angry

you lose 60 seconds of HAPPINESS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.

Oh No !! Wow !! Phew !!

G'day all,

Well what a weekend I've had. The title says is all .. let me explain

Oh NO!!!
Arrived home from work Friday around 6pm, with thought of sitting down doing the usual, scotch, smoke followed up with a little computer fun... but OH NO... that just wasnt to be. I got to undress into my dressing gown (my favourite attire !!) pour myself a scotch ... then the phone rings, its Serayhas house mate saying that Serayha had hurt herself and was bleeding badly.. could I come around, I didnt ask any questions, dropped the phone, hastily redressed, grabbed bandages, gauze, antiseptic, tweezers .. as I didnt ask what had happened, I just grabbed what I thought maybe needed, jumped in the car and off I go. I arrived at Serayha's to find her laying down in the backyard, looking very pale with so much blood on the ground, my heart racing, I parted the friends that were standing around, to discover that she had stood on broken glass and had a very nasty gash under her foot. We were not able to stop the bleeding, so I wrapped it up with the dressings that I had grabbed, and rushed her off to the doctors. The doctor was concerned about the bleeding as it was very deep, thought an artery might have been severed, but luckily for her, he was able to stop the flow, stitch it all up, and send us on our way home. So she is now getting around on crutches, but doing okay. She had me take pictures of the wound, so she could see it, and post on Nans blogg, but I will spare you the gruesome pictures, but so you are able to put a face to the name here is a pic of my "baby girl". Serayha is pronounced " Sir - ray - ha". Serayha on the left, her mate Sammy on the right.

WOW!!!

Saturday, Jo and the kids arrive for an overnight stay on there way back home from visiting with mum. I forget how full on having three young kids around can be .. it was like being hit with a hurricane. We had a great time, I got to spoil the the little ones, got lots of kisses and cuddles in. After we settled the kids down for the night, Jo, Ian & myself got to have a few drinks catch up on all the happenings, my neighbour Maree come over, so she joined in with us, we finished the night around 2.30am, early by our standards, but with the thoughts of the little ones waking up around 7.30am, we played it safe !! Naturally, when the kids did wake up, it was upstairs to Aunty Carol with requests for chocolate followed by breakfast!!!

PHEW !!!

Its now Sunday arvo, Jo and the kids have just left - peace & normality rein again !!! I went around to check up on Serayha, cleaned & redressed the wounds made sure everything was okay, then back home. I'm looking forward to vegging infront of the TV tonight and relaxing, before heading off to work again tomorrow. PHEW !!!!

Hope you all a great weekend,

Cazz

xxooxx

A VISIT TO CAZZ

HI EVERYONE

Too nice too be indoors and my back was acting up so decided

not get out in the garden or go bowling but to rest.

So thought As it was Carols day off i'll make a couple of phone calls. !st too my

sister Pauline then my mate Gwen see if they want to go visit with me

they both said ok . Then rang Carol to make sure she was home ,of course she

was pleased we were comming over ,and had a lovely lunch waiting for us .

Too say the least we had a lovely afternoon together.

A couple of photo's taken at Carols

Pauline,Gwen and JenZoe dancing to be picked up
Zoe got her way ( picked up) by Carol (Cazz)

My Week - Cazz 17.09.06

G'day all,

Its been a while since my last post, but I am still hovering around, and do what I can when time permits. I work a full time job, and also tinker with other things at home. So after returning from work, having a scotch and yes, I'm a smoker, my first smoke for the day, preparing dinner, watching the local news etc.. cleaning up its normally around 8.30-9pm before I get a little "MY time". I will admit I am addicted to a PC game called "The Sims 2", & "Age of Empries", so when winding down and enjoying my time.. I'm either playing "God" and controlling my Sims or playing "General" and leadng my troops into battle .... As Ian says "it just depends on the time of the month ... has the PMS kicked in or not !!!

The weather here in Shepparton this last week has been spectacular spring weather, and along with spring and the impending summer season, we all tend to get into the garden, do a little spring cleaning, clean off the barbie (BBQ) and entertain.

Well this week Mum, Aunty Pauline, and Gwen paid me a surprise visit, on my day off. So it was a quick preparation for lunch, with BBQ chicken, salad and fresh bread rolls, followed by a "Bee Sting" .... mmmm.. what in the heck is a bee sting ???... our local Hot Bread Kitchen is renowned for this, and it has become a favourite of mine to serve up ... its a large bun, simular in texture to a scone, filled with honey cream, topped with glazed almonds and lightly drizzled with toffee... VERY yummy and full of calories, but bloody delicious. Ian thanks my guests for leaving a small portion for him to have with a coffee when he got in from work !!!! Mum took a few pictures while here, and I believe she is going to do her own post.

On Saturday, my daughter Serayha returned home, after spending a week at my sister Jo's in Melbourne, so we naturally had a lot of news & gossip to catch up on, did lunch, went shopping etc. Had a great day in general.

On Sunday, Serayha and I headed off to the local monthly Craft Market held in Shepparton, bought a few vegies, and some locally made Olive Oil, while Ian did his weekly visit to the Trash & Treasure Market. As it was another lovely day, we, Ian, Serayha & myself decided to head off to Yarrawonga and visit Mum. We had a lovely BBQ lunch with Mum, along with my sister Donna & her tribe, and naturally we couldn't leave Gwen & Brian out, so we got them over as well. Had a few drinks, and naturally Blogging was the main topic. I decided it was time they both learnt (Mum & Gwen) a few little things about HTML etc, so I held a "Cazza's school of blogging", which had some very frustrating, & funny moments, .. class started at approx 5pm after they had consumed considerable brandy & dry's, and concluded at 9.15pm. I'm not sure if it was all taken in, but Gwen took lots of notes, hopefully she will be able to decipher them tomorrow !!!

Hope you all had a lovely weekend, and achieved all those things we promise ourselves that we will do on the weekend, which in my opinion is never darn long enough !!!

Ohhh.. and welcome to Jo & Gazza to the world of blogging, hope you both enjoy it as much as we all do. The next "Cazz's School of Blogging" class will be held in December, so book in early you two !!!!

Stay safe, have fun, and always remember to smile

CAZZ
xxxoooxxx

A FEW MORE LAUGHS

How do you know your salad is fresh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bartender vs. psychiatrist
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every
time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come
talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those
fears."
"How much do you charge?"

"Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor."

"I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.
Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you
ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the
psychiatrist.
"Well Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful
lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10." I was so happy to have
saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!
"Is that so! And How, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back.
"I'm so tired of Chardonnay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Opening Ovens & Murray

Hi Everyone Been Bowling Again this time Ovens &Murray opening .

As I have talked about our clubs opening day for lawn bowls, with each

club having there own opening days.

These photo's are of the Ovens and Murray opening day,Which is the

Governing body and involves all clubs in the surrounding districts.

There were 56 teams comprising of 4 to a team .

Played with clear blue sky the sun shining and a cool breeze, and at end the

day looked like a storm brewing but "alas " no rain

Lawn Bowls humor ]
Kitty and Jack
My husband took up bowling and he bragged upon the phone
about some dame called Kitty whom he couldn't leave alone
He played with Kitty
he stayed with Kitty he picked her up without a hitch
He missed Kitty he kissed Kitty he even layed beside her in the ditch
So I took up bowling to win my hubby back and found that what he could do with Kitty,
I could do with Jack

INDOOR CARPET BOWLS

HI everyone

Another busy weekend passed been bowling again . But firstly

I would like to welcome my son and daughter to blogging

thought you might like too pop over pay them a visit

and make them feel welcome in sure they would appreciate it.

http://gazzman12.blogspot.com/

http://littlejen-eightisenough.blogspot.com/

INDOOR CARPET BOWLS

ANNUAL CHALLENGE MATCH AT S.S & A. ALBURY

Between S.S &A.(Sailors, Servicemen & Airmen) and Mulwala Services Club.

There are eight mats with with eight teams of four from both clubs.

I bowl for Mulwala Services and were in the blue shirts and navy slacks

we also used the black bowls all day . A coin is tossed to see what

colour is yours for the day

so each mat consists of a team from both clubs eight players and we

played three games of twelve ends.

The team I played in won two out of three games.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yours truly delivering her bowl

down she goes down the mat and in for shot our team scored 3 delivering on another end

in for shot again this is were we score 5 i have already removed three

and and the next two black are ours . Its nearest to kitty scores

thats the small white one its possible to score eight the maxium in one

end but thats not very often

thats my foot nearest to camera as I play third for our team

its my place to determine how many shots we score .

A little quote

Practice makes perfect

But nobody's perfect

So why practice?

A FEW MORE HOLIDAY Photo's

HI everyone not a lot to report went bowling again yesterday and going again tomorrow hopefully ill take the camera, will report on that over the weekend .

just just found a couple more holiday photo's to post tonight .

~~~~~~~~~`

Do you feed the birds at home? Ever thought of feeding fish in the ocean? At Doctors Gully, right in the heart of Darwin, is Aquascene, where hundreds of fish come to shore at high tide Joanne My Daughter Is handfeeding the mullet and milkfish

Sunset At Leepoint beach Darwin

A Blue winged Kookaburra outside our unit at Leepoint Taken looking out onto Darwin Habour

This Photo taken on bus tour near Berry springs

Hi everyone

Well what did I do over the weekend ?

not a lot.Saturday my friend Gwen came around and we chatted

had a couple of cuppa's ( Gwen coffee me Tea)then watched football

on television my team lost, the Tigers season now over.

Sunday . did a little shopping then come home put it all away visited a sick friend

then went around Gwens for a cuppa and ended up staying for Dinner and getting

home about 2am . Today visited my daughter and just rested as im off bowling

again tomorrow .

well just a short post tonight

The Story of Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist.............and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper, pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff".

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen returning with a dozen cookies.

He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies......Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said . . . . . . "Measure, do your stuff".

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk .

. got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ozs without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?" The Government Employee called his cat and said....."CoffeeBreak . . . . do your stuff."

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.

drank the milk

sh*t on the paper

screwed the other three cats

claimed he injured his back while doing so filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.

put in for Workers Compensation.

.........and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave .

AND THAT'S WHY I WANT TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take Time

A day passed is a day gone

You can make more money

but you can't buy more time

ON THE GREEN

HI All .. Well I played bowls on opening day and was nice to be back
on the green again.
To start the day everyone arrives early
so we sit around have a cuppa and chat before we go out to play .
then the first bowl (a bit of fun)of the season is bowled to the spider (a toy redback )56 bowlers let there bowl go at once, bowls go everywere ,with lots of laughter the nearest to the spider gets a bottle of wine . well guess what my bowl stopped on its leg so i was declared the winner.and to top that off i was in the winning team of the day so to say the least I had a good day .But very tired at the end of the day .Sorry folk I left the camera sitting on the kitchen table, so will take photo's next time i go out to play .

Now to finish of today with a couple jokes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

TWO OLD LADIES
Two old ladies are outside their nursing"home, having a drink and a smoke,
when it starts to rain.
One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over
her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: "What in the hell is that?Mable: A condom.
This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely
(she is after all, over 80 years of age),
but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

A little boy went up to his father and asked:
"Dad, where DID all of my intelligence come from?
The father replied.
"Well son, you must have got it from your mother,

cause I still have mine"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This one was in our local paper

CYRUS SAYS:

Daddy, how was i born?

DAD says:Ah my son,I guess one day will need to find out anyway!

Well you see your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on AOl.

Then i set up a date via e-mail with your mum and we met at a cyber-cafe

WE sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download

from my hard drive.

As soon as i was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had

used a firewall, and since it was too lateto hit the delete button, nine months later

a blessed little pop-up appeared and said:

YOUVE GOT MALE!

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To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.