Hi Everyone, . Not a lot to report tonight, I am feeling rather tired tonight. I have been watching the Australian Open tennis everynight till all hours of the night and into the early hours of the morning. Saturday nights game didnt finish till 4.37 am,I will be happy when its over.
Sunday is the fina ldays play, I might be able to have a few early nights. I played Pennant Lawn Bowls Tuesday We won by 20 shots up.
HaPPY BIRTHDAY CAROL XXXXX ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now to end with a few jokes The first couple were sent by Bikerbob
Thank you BobTwo bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
An attractive blonde from Dublin, Ireland arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.'With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...
'YES! YES! I'VE WON, I'VE WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY -Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men... are men.
In a city park stood two beautiful statues, one female and the other male -- both nude.
These two statues faced each other for many, many years (naked, remember!). Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said:
"The two of you have been truly exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people that have visited the park over the years.
I am hereby authorised by God to give you the greatest wish that can be bestowed on you. I grant you the gift of life -- albeit as a limited offer.
You have 30 minutes to do whatever your hearts desire." And with that command, the two statues came to life.
They smiled at each other, slowly moved their limbs about in wonderment, looked all around and then at their own bodies and finally back at each other.
Still smiling they then ran to the nearby woods and dived behind a large bush. The angel smiled to herself as she listened to the giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
Even angels knew of such things! After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, looking extremely satisfied and wearing nothing but even bigger smiles than before. Puzzled, the angel looked at her watch and said to them, "You still have fifteen minutes. Wouldn't you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "do you want to do it again?" "OH, YES!", the female statue replied..............................................................
"But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll s**t on it's head!"
A Short Love Story
A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly..... He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.' 'I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'
That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own damn blanket.'
After a moment of silence, he farted.
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is." "And, who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must
atone. You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with you
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"
" Three months vacation and five good leads"
A friend is someone we treasure for our friendship is a gift
A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the world we live in a better and happier place.
There is a miracle called friendship, that dwells in the heart.
You do not know how it happens or when it gets it's start.
But you know the special lift it always brings.
You realize that friendship is the world's most precious gift!