A busy few days

Hi everyone,hope all well in your part of the world as it is with me.

Tuesday was a fun day we had our opening day of Lawn bowls for season 2008/2009.

we had a game of social bowls followed by lunch a few speeches and a few jokes were told to end the day.

Then was of to Visit my Daughter Donna for a couple of hours as it was her birthday. before heading back to the club for Indoor carpet bowls to be a scorer for the nights competion.

Wednesday Back to club for a game of Lawn bowls followed by lunch.

Today Thursday Donna picked me up to go to her friends were a few other friends arrived for a little pampering beauty treatment and a cuppa, before heading to "Coops"for a lovely birthday lunch with the girls..

A lovely lunch was had by all.

Tomorrow im of to help my sister plant a few succulents in a n old wheelbarrow. ill take my camera.

Well Im of for an early night, and I promise to visit you all in the next few days.

Now a few Jokes...

"$20.00"

You're worth it! Sometimes we just need to be reminded! A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill.

In the room of 200, he asked,

'Who would like this $20 bill?' Hands started going up.

He said, 'I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, 'Who still wants it?' Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied,

'What if I do this?'

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

'Now, who still wants it?' Still the hands went into the air.

'My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.

No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.

It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE.

You are special .

Don't EVER forget it.

Count your blessings, not your problems.
And remember that amateurs built the ark

Professionals built the Titanic.'

~~~~~~~~

Wedding of the Wongs
Su Wong marries Lee Wong.
The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy,but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,so I think we will name him...
Are you ready for this?
Sum Ting Wong

~~~~~

A woman's garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won't ripen.

There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she's getting tired of it.

So she goes to her neighbor and says,"Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?"
Her neighbor replies,"Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do.

Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush.
In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see."
She says Well, what the heck it can't hurt to try it.
Next day her neighbor asks how it worked.
"So-so," she answers.
"The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer."

~~~~~~~~

Why parents drink The boss wondered why one of his most valued employee had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. 'Hello ?'
'Is your daddy home?' he asked.
' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
'May I talk with him?'
The child whispered, 'No.'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy there?'
'Yes.'
'May I talk with her?'
Again the small voice whispered, 'No .'
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else t here?'
'Yes ,' whispered the child, 'a policeman '. Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
' No, he's busy ', whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
'Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ,' came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'
'A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, The search team just landed a helicopter . '
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
'ME .'

~~~~~~

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said 'Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach.Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind'

The pastor shouted out 'CROSS. Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, 'THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.

'The pastor hollered out 'GRACE.' The congregation began to sing 'AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.

'The pastor said 'POWER.' The congregation sang 'THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD.

'The Pastor said 'SEX' The congregation fell into total silence.

Everyone was in shock.

They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, A little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing 'MEMORIES.

Love Little Old Ladies.

Laugh... It burns calories

~~~~~~~`

Hope these brightened someones day ..Cheers \_/ \_/ \_/

Time for a few jokes..

WHY GOD MADE MUMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us
.2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string,
I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mum?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Mums like me.
What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mum marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed
.3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad
. What's the difference between Mums & Dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your Mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS

And anyone else who has aything to do with kids
needs a good laugh!

________

Kids Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.

_____________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

___________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?

'GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

'TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN:

Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

_____________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

____________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

____________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'MILLIE:

All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
____________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

_____________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

_____________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.

Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

______________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

A First Grade Story
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know...he said---'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

LITTLE JOHNNY ON... PHILOSOPHY:

A Teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU.

There are Three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.

To which Little Johnny replied,

"The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny holding a list.

lady," Johnny explained,

I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.

""Wow," the woman replied.

Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?

""My babysitter's boyfriend."

~~~~****~~~~

to end with a few quotes

"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."

--Aristotle

The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."--Marcus Aurelius

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"To live happily is an inward power of the soul."--Marcus Aurelius

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"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring family in another city."--George Burns

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"Happiest are the people who give most happiness to others."--Dennis Diderot

``````
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." George Burns.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

BIRTHDAY

WOW! two days celebrations.

G'Day everyone, Merle's let the cat out of the bag Its my birthday 69 today the 21st August.My celebrations started yesterday with a visit to Merle's.

Today I've had many phone calls and cards from Family and friends, tonight I have been to my daughter Donna's and son- inlaw Brett's for dinner .

We had Garlic and rosemary roast lamb with vegetables a plenty, ending the meal with the birthday ice cream cake .

Thank you Donna and Brett..

Rylie myself Kayne at back and Maddison watching me blow the candles out.

with all my huffing and puffing they wouldn't go out

with kids laughter I realized why , they had used trick candles.

anyone for a slice of ice cream cake

Donna and myself relaxing with a cuppa after dinner while Brett was doing the dishes...

~~~~`

Yesterday I picked Pauline and Gwen up and we headed to Merles for a lovely lunch.

On arrival we all had a cuppa and and nibbles then lunch

Roast chicken with loads of vegetables followed by pineapple upside down cake served warm and topped with cream.

Then Merle produced a birthday cake along with a present.

Thank you dear Merle for a lovely day

My lovely birthday surprise cake

Merle presenting me with a gift..

Gwen .Merle & Pauline..

Celebrations over Cheers to all. \_/ \_/ \_/

Anniversary

Wishing my brother-inlaw Alex and my dear sister Pauline Happy Anniversary

Who Married at All Saints Preston on 16th August 1958

Last minute adjustments

from L-R: Myself. the Bride & Niece Judith Pauline and Brother Kieth
Pauline , Alex signing the Register with Rev. Rettick.
Outside the church
L/R: Alex Mother, Pauline and Mum
Alex and Pauline cutting the wedding cake

Pauline and Alex Celebrating their 50th wedding Anniversary

L-R: Gwen, Myself,Pauline,Alex and Gwens hubby Brian

having a drink before Dinner

After Dinner Pauline and Alex about to cut the cake

all waiting our slice of cake

A close up of the cake .The roses and ribbon are gold.

CELEBRATIONS OVER CHEERS \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/

The Divorce letter

Gday everyone,hope the worlds treating you all well.

Not a lot happening here played Bowls twice this week .and now happily settled in front of the Television with cental heating on watching the Olympic games, just fantastic. Its broadcast here from about 10am through to 2am everyday, only stopping for the news at 6pm for 1hr.Wasn't the opening ceremony brilliant?.

Ill get around to visiting you all in the next few days.

Now on with a few jokes.. Enjoy.

GOOD AND SIMPLE REASON

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage,

'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?

'The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?

'The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...

'Try doing it with the engine running
~~~~~~~`
Irish Indians

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'
The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening.

If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.
Just then they came upon another cave.

The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.

There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'
He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call,

'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO!'

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............
You'll like this

.NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

~~~~~~~~

Divorce Letter -

Dear wife:I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell; your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all ofyour soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore;

you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore;

Whatever the case,

I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me.

Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great day
========================================

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.I did notice your hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!

'Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.About those new silk boxers:

I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out.

So when I hit the lotto for $10 million, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.Signed,

Your Ex-Wife,

Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
~~~~~~~~

A True Aussie Man

Only an Aussie man can make you feel like a woman.

A plane passed through a severe storm.

The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely
She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried.

Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!

Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence.

Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.

No one moved.

He removed his shirt.

Muscles rippled across his chest.

She gasped

Then, he spoke

'Iron this --

and then get me a beer.'

~~~~~~

A lot of people will walk in and out of your life

But only true friends will leave footprints.

A walk around my garden

Hi everyone, hope your all feeling on top of the world were ever you maybe.

WE had beautiful sunshine today ,to say the least was to nice to stay indoors all day. I spent a few hours in the garden, prunning the roses and doing a little weeding. before tidying myself up to go visit my sister Pauline, who is recovering well and at home after having Surgery last Friday.
Now on with a few photo's, not a lot in flower at this time of the year,but I managed to find a few today.

I picked this last rose and bought inside before I started prunning

Jonquils starting to bloom

Merle gave this Begonia Clipping months ago I planted it and its still flowering

My Madam Butterfly Zygos in full bloom
my Butterfly Sunrise Zygo
my young Daphne's first flowering
The last climbing Iceburg rose before prunning.

White Geranium starting to flower

first flowers on my Banksia rose...

hope you all enjoyed some of my garden, A few of My fuschia are comming into bud, but thats another blog as they flower... Ill be around visiting you all soon. CHEERS \_/ \_/ \_/

A Little Merriment

The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own beat.

The woman cocked her ear,

"Quick!

My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried.
The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.

"What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked.
"Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you," she replied with a knowing smile.
"Great," he said, "I'll just step into the bathroom and I'll be with you in two shakes." Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air.
"Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded.
"I'm from the exterminator company.

Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths," the lover replied.
"But.. but you've got no clothes on?" stammered the husband.
The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said,

"The little bastards!"

~~~~~~~~

A bear walks into a pub and sits down.

He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, “We don't serve beer to bears in bars.”

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,

“We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars.”

The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that slapper sitting at the end of the bar.”The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears.

” The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, he eats the woman.

He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars who are on drugs.”

The bear says,

“I'm NOT on drugs.” The bartender says, “You are now.

That was a barbitchyou ate.”

~~~~~~~~

Baptising an Irishman
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river

.He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, where upon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?

'The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk,

'Brother have you found Jesus?

'The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.

'The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again,

'Have you found Jesus my brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No,oi haven't found Jesus.'By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk,

'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

(Are you ready for this????)

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to he preacher,

'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'

~~~~~~~~~

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, 'So, you're a man.

That's interesting.

I’m a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days'.

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God!' But you're still at fault..

.women shouldn't be allowed to drive.

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle.

My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.

'She hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies,”No. I think I'll just wait for the police...

.' MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, .

Don't mess with us.

~~~~~~

Hope you all had a little laugh tonight

Cheers \_/ \_/ \_/