Saturday, August 02, 2008

A Little Merriment

The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own beat.
The woman cocked her ear,
"Quick!
My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried.
The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.
"What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked.
"Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you," she replied with a knowing smile.
"Great," he said, "I'll just step into the bathroom and I'll be with you in two shakes." Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air.
"Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded.
"I'm from the exterminator company.

Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths," the lover replied.
"But.. but you've got no clothes on?" stammered the husband.
The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said,

"The little bastards!"
~~~~~~~~


A bear walks into a pub and sits down.
He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, “We don't serve beer to bears in bars.”
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,
“We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars.”
The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that slapper sitting at the end of the bar.”The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears.
” The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, he eats the woman.
He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars who are on drugs.”

The bear says,

“I'm NOT on drugs.” The bartender says, “You are now.

That was a barbitchyou ate.”
~~~~~~~~

Baptising an Irishman
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river
.He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, where upon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?
'The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk,

'Brother have you found Jesus?

'The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.

'The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again,

'Have you found Jesus my brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No,oi haven't found Jesus.'By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk,

'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

(Are you ready for this????)

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to he preacher,

'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'

~~~~~~~~~

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man.

That's interesting.
I’m a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days'.
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God!' But you're still at fault..
.women shouldn't be allowed to drive.
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.
'She hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies,”No. I think I'll just wait for the police...
.' MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, .

Don't mess with us.
~~~~~~
Hope you all had a little laugh tonight

Cheers \_/ \_/ \_/

Labels:

14 Comments:

Blogger Peggy said...

Love em' especially the woman and the wine one!!

August 03, 2008 12:39 am  
Blogger Steven said...

I want to you good morning. ornamented what your blog is a fine aesthetic taste of humor. I now enjoyed reading your stories and I will make you happy to read in the future.I wish you all the best!

August 03, 2008 2:56 pm  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi Jeanette,

Great jokes I think I like the one about the accient and the wine.

Take care,
Janice~

August 03, 2008 6:49 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Dear Jan ~~ I thought I left a comment when I read these jokes. All
very funny ones, thanks you.
Thanks for the comments I get to go to the specialist on Friday, to see if there are more or bigger kidney stones and hope they are OK. Sure do not want to have anything done, just now. My hair looks better, it was long and lanky before. Take care, dear friend, Love, Merle.

August 03, 2008 7:07 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

A barbitch you ate...lol! Those are really good, Jen, especially the one about the accident and the bottle of wine. How beautifully devious!

August 03, 2008 10:16 pm  
Blogger Hootin' Anni said...

G'day, g'day jen! I do so love the drunken Irishman being baptized! That was soooo darned funny.

Love it....as I love visiting with you.

Hope your weekend has treated you well.

August 03, 2008 11:06 pm  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate.
Returning your visit,loved those
jokes will say no more. xx

August 03, 2008 11:13 pm  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jan, I liked your bear joke a lot (others were fine too). The moral? Perhaps if you're a bear becareful who you eat?
Adi already brought Katrin back once when the little dog ran way down the golf course behind our house. I think Adi is finding out how she fits now.
..

August 03, 2008 11:25 pm  
Blogger sonia a.m. said...

Lol! Love your jokes!

Thanks for your nice comment on my blog. Have a good week ahead.

August 04, 2008 10:04 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

Hahaha ! the first one I knew !
Yes, our evening in the Japanese restaurant was really great !
Wedesday I leave for the English coast, like last your I will stay with my friends one week. I will post then from there. On the way I stop for a couple of hours in London and will go a little around it is 7 years I haven't been there !

August 04, 2008 10:09 pm  
Blogger raccoonlover1963 said...

What a great way to start the week! Very funny!
Lisa

August 05, 2008 2:21 am  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

I think me chair is wet after readin all these funnies. LOL
Peace

August 05, 2008 6:39 am  
Blogger Alice said...

LOL, all good ones! I especially liked the one about the Irish drunk. LOL

August 05, 2008 6:57 am  
Blogger meggie said...

Thank you!!
Still laughing!

August 11, 2008 6:22 pm  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home