Dear wife:I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell; your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all ofyour soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore;
you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore;
Whatever the case,
P.S. don't try to find me.
Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great day
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.I did notice your hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!
'Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.About those new silk boxers:
I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for $10 million, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.Signed,
Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
A True Aussie Man
Only an Aussie man can make you feel like a woman.
A plane passed through a severe storm.
The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.
One woman lost it completely
She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried.
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'
For a moment, there was silence.
Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.
He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.
No one moved.
He removed his shirt.
Muscles rippled across his chest.
Then, he spoke
'Iron this --
and then get me a beer.'
A lot of people will walk in and out of your life
But only true friends will leave footprints.