A LITTLE MORE HUMOR

I am posting this news flash using Gwens computer

Hi everyone just letting you all know another trip to Melbourne Friday and back Saturday WHY? this time! well my computer crashed ggrrrr and is now at Bundoora computers getting repaired hoping Joe can save my files .I will try getting around to you all as soon as my computer is repaired and back home. And may not get it back till my Daughter Joanne & Colin, Timothy, Kara and Liam come up to visit 1st week in October.Gwen and Myself stayed with my son Gary and Christine's and there family Alyce, Emily and Nathan, Chris cooked us a lovely Dinner............. Joanne , Colin and family come over later and we had a few drinks.

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Will end with a couple of jokes

Because she smells like a new ute!
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Don't fight it there is always an up side.!!

He's 85, The Bride's 25 - What a Honeymoon !At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after theirWedding she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door.
Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Morris, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.
They unite as one.
All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door,and it's Morris.
Again he is ready for more "action". Some what surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Morris Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action".
And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Morris gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I Am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.
I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says:
"You mean I was here before?"
The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the ten most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

A Little more Senior Citizen Merriment Tonight Folk

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
the religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh.
I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.

Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
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Two very elderly friends

Max and Wally, met in the park every day to
feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One
day Wally didn't show up. Max didn't think much about it, figured maybe
he had a cold or some such.
But after Wally hadn't shown up for a week or so Max really got
worried. However, the only time they ever got together anymore (they
used to play a lot of golf together) was at the park, and Max couldn't
remember where Wally lived so he was unable to find out what had
happened to him.
A month passed and Max figured Old Wally had gone to his heavenly
reward, but one day Max approached the park and, lo and behold, there
sat Wally! Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so!
Then he said, "For crying out loud Wally, what happened to you???"
Wally replied, "I have been in jail."
"Jail???," cried Max!! "What in the world for???"
"Well," Wally said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at
the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?"
"Yeah" said MAX, "I remember her. What about her?"
"Well one day last month she got mad at me and to get even, she charged
me with rape. I was so proud of what everyone would think an old guy like me could still do, that when I got into court, I pled 'Guilty.'
The judge took a good look at me and gave me 30 days for perjury."
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The Dolls

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.
" The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box.
She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
Women will love this..
A Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
And I don't know how to crochet. Amen!

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Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown

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What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they
give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret *

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Grandmothers are just "antique" little girls. ~Author Unknown *

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Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.

~Welsh Proverb *

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A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the
> television. ~Author Unknown *

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Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal

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Bowls opening season

G'day everyone, hope your well and the weather is nice where ever you maybe. We are having perfect spring weather here today was 21c Just perfect for the start of New bowling season. Tuesday was the official opening of our club for 2007-2008 . With 47 players in attendence after a game of 10 ends were played, we all went inside for a nice luncheon a chat, lucky numbers were drawn and a few jokes were told . A Great day had by all.
Friday was the official Opening of The Ovens and Murray bowling season. The governing body of our district declares the season open then rules of the day are read out before we can start play for the day with 180 players in attendance 3 games were played starting at 10.30am breaking for lunch 12.30pm back on the green 1.15pm ending about 4.30 back inside for afternoon tea a few more speeches, announcing winners for the day, raffles drawn homeward bound 5.30pm once again a good day had by all but very tiring first week back. And tomorrow sunday another big day bowling this time Indoor Carpet bowls return visit to our club by SS&A,
so another big day bowling plays starts at 10am the day will finish about 5pm

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Forty seven ladies play their first bowl of the season at home club

Now on with the the game yours Truly waiting to put down my bowls

The Next three the Official opening of Ovens and Murray

Your truly hands on hips waiting my turn and watching game

Afew bowling ladies

To End with a couple of Stories that were told at our bowling clubs opening

To A Needle

You dear little needle

my bright little friend,

how often you helped me to make and to mend.

So quick and so willing to lend me your aid

in loosing tangles that others have made!

there's many a fancy,there's many a dream

You've worked through a button,or into a seam,

but the dreams are delusive they rarely come true,

and fancies soon vanish when facts come in view ,

So sometimes it happens When nobody's near

the silk you embroider is marked by a tear.

Ah!how you have roused me with just a faint prick,

and urged me to labourwhen sad and heart sick;

Then bright-eyed and busy

you'd peep in and out

though the folds of whatever lay handy about,

Disdaining no cotton, no lagging behind

for texture or colourof a different kind.

My fingers caress you my true friend of old,

You could not be dearer if fashioned in Gold.

By Grace Maberly Jordon

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THE OlD ROCKING CHAIR IS EMPTY TODAY

For Grandma no longer sits in it;

She's off in her car to visit or shop

and buzzes around every minute.

No one can shove Grandma back on the shelf;

She is versatile, forceful, dynamic,

thats not a pie in the oven I see!

her baking today is ceramic.

You wont see her trundle off early to bed

from her place in the warm chimney nook;

Her typewriter clickety clacks through the night ,

For Grandma is writing a book.

Grandma never takes a hesitant step

to slow her steady advancing.

She wont tend the babies for you anymore

For Grandma is taking up dancing .

She is not content with the crumbs of old thought ,

with meagre and second-hand knowledge,

don,t bring your mending for Grandma to do

For Grandma has gone off to college .

By ANON

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The Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a
show in a small town in Arkansas.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and
starts shouting:I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.

What makes you think you can stereo type women that way? What does
the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a
human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being
respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person.
Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against
not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humour! "The embarassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this,mister!
I'm talking to that little shit on your knee"!
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A little quote

Practice makes perfect

But nobody's perfect

So why practice?

A day in the Garden

Hi everyone, hope your all feeling on top of the world were ever you maybe.Spring has been heralded in with beautiful sunshine. To say the least was to nice to be indoors, started Saturday in the Garden, then went around to my Sister Pauline's , Gwen also joins in for afternoon tea

Pauline made us fresh scones which we had with jam and cream "yummy". This has been happening quiet a few weeks were we have a little get together for a few hours , chat, Knit we are all making A throw rug or some call it a knee rug, or talk about what were doing on the computer. A very nice relaxing afternoon had by all thank you Pauline . Sunday spent all day in the garden tidying up , weeding,and trimming back after the frost,So that was my weekend. to end with a few photo's

I just cleaned this area up after repotting these Fuchsia's into hanging baskets and Clayton decide it was time for a rest,

first Rose of the season out

now the frosty mornings are gone, I decided to bring my Wheel barrow out from under the veranda

a little patch of my Phlox comming into flower

A pot of Hyacinths

1 of my golden Daffodils

Before and After the frost: My Jade is to big and heavy for me to move.so will give it a good trim and will come back better than ever till next frost.

so will give it a good trim and will come back better than ever till next frost.

I took these last two Photo's at my Sisters I love the colour of this Zygo Cacti.and the Camelia was heavy with flower some of the branches were laying on the ground

A close up of the flower