Tuesday, September 11, 2007

A Little more Senior Citizen Merriment Tonight Folk


A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.

I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
the religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh.
I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.

She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two very elderly friends
Max and Wally, met in the park every day to
feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One
day Wally didn't show up. Max didn't think much about it, figured maybe
he had a cold or some such.
But after Wally hadn't shown up for a week or so Max really got
worried. However, the only time they ever got together anymore (they
used to play a lot of golf together) was at the park, and Max couldn't
remember where Wally lived so he was unable to find out what had
happened to him.
A month passed and Max figured Old Wally had gone to his heavenly
reward, but one day Max approached the park and, lo and behold, there
sat Wally! Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so!
Then he said, "For crying out loud Wally, what happened to you???"
Wally replied, "I have been in jail."
"Jail???," cried Max!! "What in the world for???"
"Well," Wally said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at
the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?"
"Yeah" said MAX, "I remember her. What about her?"
"Well one day last month she got mad at me and to get even, she charged
me with rape. I was so proud of what everyone would think an old guy like me could still do, that when I got into court, I pled 'Guilty.'
The judge took a good look at me and gave me 30 days for perjury."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Dolls
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.
" The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box.
She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
Women will love this..
A Prayer

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
And I don't know how to crochet. Amen!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown
~
What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they
give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret *
~
Grandmothers are just "antique" little girls. ~Author Unknown *
~
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.
~Welsh Proverb *
~
A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the
> television. ~Author Unknown *
~
Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal
~

Labels:

22 Comments:

Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Great post on us elderly citizens. Loved it all, but I think Grandma banging her boyfriend the pick. Glad the 27th is looking good, I will pass that date on to Connie.
Thanks for your comments and glad you liked the jokes. I liked the Bunk Beds one myself. Take great care, my
friend, Love, Merle.

September 14, 2007 8:04 pm  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

Jen - Grandma's TV... CLASSIC! ~ jb///

September 14, 2007 11:29 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jeanette. I just love that line that says, "Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting." I'll keep note of this sweet quote.

Take care!

September 15, 2007 6:20 pm  
Blogger wazza said...

Gidday Jeanette,

Thanks for dropping by, them Drop Bears and Hoop Snakes are very sneaky critters and best to stay away from if possible. Loved the dolls joke.

September 15, 2007 7:12 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Hehehe! Grandma banging her boyfriend in the bedroom...that's a good one.

Thanks for the laughs, Jen!

Hugs

September 15, 2007 8:51 pm  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate.
Great jokes,getting old happens to us all Ionly hope we can do it gracefully.
By the way the blog is done so stop nagging me.xoxo

September 15, 2007 9:44 pm  
Blogger Peggy said...

I always love your jokes. I read them over the phone to William while he is driving down the road. He laughed so much over the tickle me elmo he almost ran out of the road.

September 15, 2007 10:53 pm  
Anonymous HOOTIN' ANNI said...

Oh...funny with the doll. Maybe I shoulda oughta do this...you don't suppose it's too late to make a fortune? LOL

I had that grandma banging on her boyfriend the other day on my tribute to Grandparents day, it's still funny to read, love it.

And the second Maxine cartoon?!! Yes, I can relate to that one for sure.

Happy day to you...well, in Aussie style. :o) You'll know what I mean.

September 15, 2007 11:09 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

More jokes to pass on to my elderly friends - they laugh even harder than us young 'uns, believe me! Thanks for dropping by my blog; if you think Greensborough has changed, wait for another year..they are talking about making the whole area into a mini-Chadstone - UGH!!! (well,maybe an exaggeration, but more change is in the air...don't you wish they'd just leave these places alone?

September 15, 2007 11:31 pm  
Blogger RUTH said...

Fabulous jokes....so hard to pick a favourite...think I'll go for...ermmm...all of them :o) The family loved the poem I borrowed from you. Thanks.
Rx

September 16, 2007 2:33 am  
Blogger Renae said...

Jen, fabulous post once again!! Have a wonderful weekend!!

September 16, 2007 4:06 am  
Blogger david santos said...

Hello, Jeanet!
Very nice posting and very good text, thank you.
Have a good weekend

September 16, 2007 5:14 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Hello Jen:-) I so love Maxine, she sure says it like it is, doesn't she?! hehe Loved all the jokes, especially the prayer!! LOL xox

September 16, 2007 10:21 am  
Blogger Diane J. said...

Hi, Jeanette, and thanks for the visit and comment on my blog. :-)

I've seen your comments on some of the same blogs I read but I don't think we've "met" before. I enjoyed my visit here, and loved the funnies.

Have a great week!

Hugs,

Diane

September 16, 2007 3:31 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

You do such a great job of finding the funnies.

I had my 3 yearold granddaughter here yesterday (she lives 4 plus hours away)
and she just made me laugh and enjoy life.

September 17, 2007 1:58 am  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi Jeanette,

I loved all the jokes, but I think the crochet dolls I liked the best. I wish I could have sold the things I had made, and made as much.

Janice~

September 18, 2007 11:31 am  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

Almost fell off me chair laughing at the Grandma tv boyfriend.....

Doll one was poetic justice.

September 19, 2007 9:03 am  
Blogger Margaret said...

Hi, what a great post as usual, "still laughing Jan". Thanks for visits very much appreciated.
Cheers and Hugs Margaret

September 19, 2007 9:05 pm  
Blogger HORIZON said...

lol- love the little prayer at the end Jen. :) Brilliant postcard quotes too!
That is some size of bowling club below by the way- woa!
hope your keeping well and the weather is warming up nicely.
bests

September 19, 2007 10:32 pm  
Blogger Ava said...

Hi there! I enjoyed this visit to your blog very much!

September 20, 2007 2:03 am  
Blogger smilnsigh said...

Sorry about the computer crash. :-( But the trip sounds like fun. :-)

Mari-Nanci

September 23, 2007 1:20 am  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jeanette. Thank you very much for the comment you left at KK's site.I appreciate the support. It's a fun contest and the thought of having my own domain is exciting but most of all, reading the comments of everyone really touched my heart.

Take care and hope everything is going well for you. God bless.

October 21, 2007 12:52 am  

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