A Lttle more humour

On the Farm

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions.
No running water, no electricity, etc.
One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby.
The local doctor is there in attendance.
"What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mikey.
Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute.
Hold the lantern, Mikey." Soon the doctor delivers the next child.
"You've a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..." Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mikey, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child.
The doctor holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Littlle Johnny

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the ten most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

*The Minister's New Dentures*

The minister had just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new
dentures were being made.
The first Sunday after the surgery, he only preached for 10 minutes. The
second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday he
preached for 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the
congregation, he responded this way: "The first Sunday, my gums were so
sore it hurt to talk. The second
Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally
grabbed my wife's dentures and I couldn't stop talking!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~``

THE PENSIONERS
An old couple go to a doctor and ask him to watch them have sex and tell if he see's them doing anything wrong. So they have sex. While they are getting dressed the doctor said, "Well I don't see anything wrong!" A week later they come again and ask the doctor to watch to see if they are doing anything wrong. They have sex and the doctor says, "Well again I don't see anything wrong." This goes on for weeks. Then the doctor asks why they keep coming.The guy said: "If we go to her house her husband will catch us. If we go to my house my wife will catch us. A hotel costs fifty bucks. Here it's thirty-five dollars and medicare pays half!"

Brand New 2007 Pasta Diet That Really Works!

Hi everyone, thank you all for your concern over my health .

I am feeling much better and well on the mend.

I am slowly making my way to around visiting you all.

.

It was a couples 20th anniversary and when the wife came home from a long day at work, she saw that her husband had nothing for her!
She yelled," tommorrow morning when I wake up there better be something in that driveway that goes from 0- 200 in under 6 seconds or it's over"So the very next morning the first thing she did when she woke up was to run outside to see if her gift was in the driveway, and there it was, a shiny new bathroom scale.

Now the diet

Brand New 2007 Pasta Diet That Really Works!
Because I really care The Pasta Diet and Your Health
ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!
1.. You walka pasta bakery
2.. You walka pasta candy store.
3.. You walka pasta Ice Cream shop.
4.. You walka pasta table and fridge.

You willa losea da weight!
CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANZAC DAY 25th APRIL

Hi Everyone. Sorry to report I have been in the land of the missing. I will get around to all your blogs as soon as I can. Ive been laid up with a tummy bug for quite a few days , but happy to report I am on the mend, and ventured out today (1st time in a week), to our local Anzac march.
So Heres a Poem sent to me by a friend and a few photo's of todays march.

THE FINAL INSPECTION

The Soldier stood and faced his God, Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining, Just as brightly as his brass.

"Step forward now, you Soldier, How shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?" The Soldier squared his shoulders and said, "No, my Lord, I ain't.

Because those of us who carry guns,Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays, And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent, Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a dollar, That wasn't mine to keep... Though I worked a lot of overtime, When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear. And sometimes, God, forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears.
I know I don't deserve a place, Among the people here.

They never wanted me around, Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much, But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne, Where the saints had often trod. As the Soldier waited quietly, For the judgment of his God.

"Step forward now, you Soldier, You've borne your burdens well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell."

~Author Unknown~

Old Vintage car leads the ANZAC march School and Brownie Guides in the march
Looking at sme of the wreaths

after the crowd had dispersed

Donna , Brett,my sister Pauline

and My 2 grandaughters marched Rylie in Red with her school

Maddison in the Blue with the Brownie Guides

A day in the Garden

Another beautiful Autumn day too nice too be indoors, so decided was time to cut my Crepe Myrtle back as the leaves are starting to fall, and do a little repotting before winter sets in

before a tidy up

after

ll

I normally wait for my fuchsia "Susan Young" to stop flowering before repot, but this one was a bit untidy and in need of a repot and happy to report I havent harmed it

after repot

before while still in good bloom

Crepe Myrtle after a good prune

My Daphne & Hoya just a top up with potting mix.

Next project to divide fallen heat affected stag fern and attach to a hanging backet to form a ball

Finally cleaned up and in the bins

SMOKING

A koala was sitting in a gum tree...... smoking a joint

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,
"Hey Koala! What are you doing?"

The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala
where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was "dry"
and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far
over and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and
helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard,
"What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he
was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree,
got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked
into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was
sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
"Hey Koala!"

So the koala looked down at him and said,

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude.....
How much water did you drink?!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Easter Weekend

Hi folk im back. Easter's over and im back on the Internet.

I will get around to visiting all and everyone of your blogs as soon as I can.

I have had a lovely Easter

Thursday evening Gary Christine and their Family and friends arrived,house sitting at Donna and Bretts as they were away ,we spent a few hours together then Joanne, Colin, and their family arrived Good Friday stayed with me, we all spent Saturday afternoon, Sunday afternoon and Evening together. Joanne and family, and friends left Monday afternoon and Gary, Chris, Emily and Nathan stayed Monday night with me went home Tuesday afternoon.

To finish off with a few photo's over Easter

Kara and Liam Chocolate for breakfast the Easter Bunny's been
Timothy still looks a bit sleepy
At Easter Market

Joanne, Colin, Timothy in the red Kara and Liam in the front

another stall these were selling fast $130/$160

A garden stall at market

At the end of the day after a BBQ dinner with Gary ,Joanne (end of table) Family and there friends just relaxing with a couple of drinks with a new blogger in the white cap Marc and Kristy

Happy Easter

HAPPY EASTER

Have a very happy Easter and hope the Easter bunny is kind to you all.

I have been unable to visit your sites as my server has been out of action.

was told when ringing up to complain of my service being out of action, the cables where interfered with. Alot of Victorians were out of action from this.

I have family visiting over the easter period and will visit as soon as I get a chance.

To all my friends/family that are travelling this Easter, drive safely.

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
To which the lady replied
"Yes."

"Well," the rabbit said,

"I'm westing."