Going on a holiday

G'day everybody. Hope all are well wherever you are. Im very well and this will be my last post for a couple of weeks,as My daughter Carol ( Cazz) and I are heading off to Adelaide, South Australia to see friends and a little touring about. I'm driving over to Carol's in Mooroopna Saturday. First stop A visit and a Cuppa at my Dear friend Merle's in Shepparton Sshhhh dont tell her , then we're heading off Sunday.

Bye for now, cameras packed, see you all when I return.

Here are a couple of jokes while im away

Schools In!

HAHA 11year olds

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment:
To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken

.' 'What's the morale of that story?' asked the teacher.

'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'

'Very good,' said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too.

But we raise chickens for the meat market.

One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is,

'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.

' 'That was a fine story Sarah.'

Michael, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes.

My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon.

Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.

And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.'

'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher,

'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?'

'Stay away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.

~~~~~
Whoops!!

Grandmas don’t know everything

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmy 's mum wants to talk to you!'

~~~~~

Zachary.
Little Zachary was doing very badly in maths.

His parents had tried everything Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers.

In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face.

He didn't even kiss his mother Hello.

Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed.

She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card.

He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.

With great trepidation, his Mum looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an 'A' in math.

She could no longer hold her curiosity.

She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it?

Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.

'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?

'WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?'

Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when

I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'

~~~~~

Touching words from the mouths of babes.

What does 'Love' mean? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does 'love' mean?'
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

~~~~~
'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

~~~~~
'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

~~~~~
'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

~~~~~
'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissie - age 6

~~~~~
'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

~~~~~
'Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

~~~~~
'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

~~~~~
'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

~~~~~
'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

~~~~~
'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

~~~~~
'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

~~~~~
'My mummy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

~~~~~
'Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

~~~~~
'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

~~~~~
'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day'
Mary Ann - age 4

~~~~~
'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones..'
Lauren - age 4

~~~~~
'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7

~~~~~
'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross..'
Mark - age 6

~~~~~
'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

~~~~~

And the final one -

- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'
When there is nothing left, that is when you find out that love is all you need.

Schools out!

~~~~~

Dust Storm on Wednesday

G.day everybody.

Hope your all keeping well. We are still having beautiful sunny days apart from a lovely visit from the sand man last Wednesday. My next door neighbour telephoned me to let me know that a dust storm was approaching and to shut all the windows and doors. This was done in a hurry and then I quickly grabbed the camera, ran outside to have a look and take these pictures.

All these photos were taken a few minutes a part (click to enlarge)
Looking towards the Hwy watching the dust storm approach.

A few minutes later

Same time Looking towards the park

Right over my back yard

A little later over the

back yard

Looking towards hwy a little later.

The dust was so heavy the main hwy was shut for a few hours due to poor visability.

Looking towards the park

Gary spent spent a long time cleaning and polishing the BBQ before he left for home, Now look at the mess all covered in Dust within a couple of hours

I forgot to run and shut the laundry door

Ohh what a mess

Dirt and red dust covering everything in sight.

Too much dirt and dust to wipe off the surface. Only method was to sweep it all off before the cleaning process could even begin.

This is also only a small portion of dust and dirt on the table.

Later in the day hopefully the wind and dust has passed .

Now time to clean up

Thats all folk, I will be around to visit you all in the next few days.

My Easter

Gday everyone,

I hope you all had a fantastic Easter as I had with my family , Gary, Chris and family arrived Good Friday for weekend . Carol , Ian, Serayha and friends came Sunday for lunch and stayed overnight.

Sunday Morning Myself, Christine, Alyce & Lee, Emily & Jarryd all went to our local market held at the showground, Where you can purchase a huge range of goodies.

IE: Books, sunglasses, hats , bags, fruit and veg, tools, plants . just to name a few stalls.
Then it was home for few drinks, late lunch,then the boys went inside to watch the football.

Monday: Gary, Chris, Nathan, Emily , Jarryd watched the football with me before heading home .Our team the" "Tigers" played the "bulldogs" hoping for a win .

BOO ~HOO
"Tigers" Lost

Now on with a few photo's.

Battle of market car park

the car is parked in there somewere

just arrived at Market
from a little bric a brac
to socks
concrete garden ornaments
plants
back to find the car.

cars parked are far as you can see

Grandson Kayne at computer
Relaxing having drinks before BBQ lunch
Still relaxing
Gary Cooking BBQ, Steak ,sausages,marinated pork spare ribs in plum sauce.

served with salads made by the girls.
Nice meals and good weekend was had by all.

A visit from a friend of 50 years plus

G'day everyone. Hope you're all doing well where ever you may be. I'm very well and had a lovely visit from Peter (Holties House) last night who shared a roast lamb dinner follwed by waffles, icecream with mixed berries and a couple bottles of wine and staying up to all hours of the morning having a good catch up. Very pleased to hear Vicki's health has improved immensly. Peter is now on his way home to Queensland (safe travelling Peter).

Now here are a couple of photos:

Peter getting the wine from the bar fridge to have with Dinner


Peter and Myself rosy cheeked starting a second bottle of wine
*~*~*~*~*

Time for a few jokes

TAX TIME

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions.

"He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,

"What's your occupation?"

"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".

"No, that still won't work.

Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer.

" The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is."

*~*~*~*

Little boy on the bus

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.

'The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.

'The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.

'The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!

'The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book

.The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwardsi nstead of your collar :-)

~*~*~*~*~

Bedtime

Husband: Oh, come on.

Wife: Leave me alone!

Husband: It won't take long.

Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.

Husband: I can't sleep without it.

Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?

Husband: Because I'm Hot.

Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.

Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.

Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.

Husband: You don't love me anymore.

Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.

Husband: Please...come on

Wife: All right, I'll do it.

Husband: What's the matter?

Need a flashlight?

Wife: I can't find it.

Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!

Wife: There! Are you satisfied?

Husband: Oh, yes.

Wife: Is it up far enough?

Husband: ! Oh, that's good.

Wife: Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open,
Do it yourself.

NOW!

what were you expecting?

*~*~*~*~*

. Always try to help a friend in need

Believe in yourself be brave...but it's ok to be afraid sometimes
Study hard
Give lots of kisses Laugh often
Don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number
Always try to see the glass half full
Meet new people, even if they look different to you
Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless
Take lots of naps.
.Be weird when ever you have the chance
Love your friends, no matter who they are
Don't waste food
RELAX
Take an occasional risk
Try to have a little fun each day.
it's important Work together as a team
Share a joke with friends Fall in love with someone..
.and say 'I love you' often.
Express yourself creatively
Be conscious of your appearance .
Always be up for surprises.
Love someone with all of your heart.
Share with friends.
Watch your step
It will get better.
There is always someone who loves you more than you know.
Exercise to keep fit.
Live up to your name.
Seize the Moment.
Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between.
Indulge in the things you truly love.
Cherish every EVERTDAY At the end of the day... PRAY....... and close your eyes.

And smile at least once a day

*~*~*~*

Cherrio for now, i promise to get around to visit you all in the next couple of days

It's time for a some laughter

Grandma
I was out walking with my 4-year-old granddaughter.

She picked up something from the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my granddaughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied.

At this point, my granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?

You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly. "All Grandma 's know this stuff.

It's on the Grandma test.

You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"Oh.....I get it!" she beamed,

"So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa."

"Exactly," I replied with a big smile on my face.

`~~~~~~~~

A story of a burglar

The bold burglar

He opened the window, and then crept in As quiet as a mouse

.He looked around for a place to hide,'Till the folks were all asleep,

Then said he, "With their money I'll take a quiet sneak."So under the bed the burglar crept;He crept up close to the wall;

He didn't know it was an old maid's room Or he wouldn't have had the gall.

He thought of the money that he would steal

,As under the bed he lay but at nine o'clock he saw a sight That made his hair turn gray

.At nine o'clock the old maid came in;"I am so tired," she said

;She thought that all was well that night so she didn't look under the bed.

She took out her teeth and her big glass eye, and the hair from off her head.

The burglar, he had forty fits as he watched from under the bed.

From under the bed the burglar crept,he was a total wreck.

The old maid wasn't asleep at all and she grabbed him by the neck

.She didn't holler, or shout or call, She was as cool as a clam,

She only said, "The Saints be praised,

At last I've got a man!"From under the pillow a gun she drew,,and to the burglar she said,"Young man, if you don't marry me,I'll blow off the top of your head!

"She held him firmly by the neck,He hadn't a chance to scoot

He looked at the teeth and the big glass eye,

And said, "Madam, for Pete's sake, shoot!"

~~~~~~~~

The Blonde

I prefer to think that Blondes (bless their hearts) are all LATERAL THINKERS?

Another Blonde moment A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates

'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '?

The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'

The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.

' So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought

(I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions,

to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter,

'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?' The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow

.St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions? St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!' 'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?' 'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.

' St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.'

And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven.

How, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions,

I found this the easiest to answer.' 'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.' 'Andy??' 'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that,deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?' 'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.' And the blonde entered Heaven...

~~~~~~~~~

Technically Challenged?

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard , the 11 year
old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to
come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID
ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
before?''
No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it
out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little shit.

~~~~~~~~~

Irish versus Blonde
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.Paddy replied,

'We're supposed to be finding the fook'n height of this flagpole, but we don't have a fook'n ladder.

'The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.

She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches..

.Then, she walked off.Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the fook'n height and she gives us the fook'n length.'

*~*~*~*