Going on a holiday

G'day everybody. Hope all are well wherever you are. Im very well and this will be my last post for a couple of weeks,as My daughter Carol ( Cazz) and I are heading off to Adelaide, South Australia to see friends and a little touring about. I'm driving over to Carol's in Mooroopna Saturday. First stop A visit and a Cuppa at my Dear friend Merle's in Shepparton Sshhhh dont tell her , then we're heading off Sunday.

Bye for now, cameras packed, see you all when I return.

Here are a couple of jokes while im away

Schools In!

HAHA 11year olds

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment:
To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken

.' 'What's the morale of that story?' asked the teacher.

'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'

'Very good,' said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too.

But we raise chickens for the meat market.

One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is,

'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.

' 'That was a fine story Sarah.'

Michael, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes.

My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon.

Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.

And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.'

'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher,

'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?'

'Stay away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.

~~~~~
Whoops!!

Grandmas don’t know everything

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmy 's mum wants to talk to you!'

~~~~~

Zachary.
Little Zachary was doing very badly in maths.

His parents had tried everything Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers.

In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face.

He didn't even kiss his mother Hello.

Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed.

She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card.

He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.

With great trepidation, his Mum looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an 'A' in math.

She could no longer hold her curiosity.

She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it?

Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.

'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?

'WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?'

Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when

I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'

~~~~~

Touching words from the mouths of babes.

What does 'Love' mean? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does 'love' mean?'
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

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'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

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'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

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'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

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'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissie - age 6

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'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

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'Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

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'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

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'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

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'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

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'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

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'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

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'My mummy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

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'Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

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'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

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'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day'
Mary Ann - age 4

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'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones..'
Lauren - age 4

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'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7

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'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross..'
Mark - age 6

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'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

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And the final one -

- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'
When there is nothing left, that is when you find out that love is all you need.

Schools out!

~~~~~