SMILE

Hi Everybody,
Not a lot to say tonight.Ive had a very quiet week played bowls and just recovering and had a much needed rest, after all the parties and travelling back and forth from Melbourne over the last few weeks.

Now on with a little laughter.

THE SMILE

TO ALL THE GREAT MUMS

Out walking with a 4 year old .

She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth, Mother took the item away from her and asked her not to do that.

'Why?'

asked the little girl!

'Because it's been on the ground and you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs' she replied.

At this point, her daughter

looked at me with total admiration and asked,'Mummy, how do you know all

this stuff?

You are so smart.' I was thinking quickly.

'All mums know this stuff.

It's on the Mummy Test.

You have to know it or they don't let you be a Mummy'

They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

'OH... I get it!'

she beamed,

'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy.'

'Exactly,' I replied back with a big smile on my face.

~~~~****~~~~

Men DO Remember Anniversaries

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?'

she whispers as she steps into the room,'Why are you down here at this time of night?

'The husband looks up from is coffee, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?' he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.'Yes I do,' she replies.

The husband paused.

The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?''Yes, I remember,' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?''I remember that too' she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......

'I would have gotten out today.'

~~~~****~~~~

TAXI DRIVER

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault.

Today is my first day driving a cab.....

.I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'

~~~~****~~~~

HA ! HA ! HA

A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up but just needed to put the dog out, when the taxi arrived.

However as the couple walked out of the house, the dog shoots back in the house.

They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver: "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says.

"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!

Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard!

She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!"

The silence in the cab was deafening
~~~~****~~~~

Life is short!
Break the rules!
Forgive quickly!
Kiss slowly!
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably.
. And never regret anything
that made you smile

~~~~****~~~~

Have a Great Weekend CHEERS \_/\_/\_/

On The Road Again

Why again!

This time my grand daughter Alyces' 21st Birthday

1st Stop service station
unleaded $1.53 litre
on Hwy headed for Melbourne

The Birthday Cake

Happy Birthday Alyce

A very proud Dad Gary, making his speech to the birthday girl with young brother Nathan looking on

Alyce surrounded by her loving family.

L-R: Emily, Gary, Christine, Lee (boyfriend making a speech) & Nathan

Nan and the birthday girl

Alyce with her gift we had just given her and Joanne

The Gift opened

Alyce showing Carol her new gold watch after Donna helped her put it on.

Two very proud Nan's with the birthday girl

Alyce with her sister Emily and brother Nathan

Jen, Alyce, Christine and Lyn

Two beautiful drandaughters Alyce and Serayha

A few Party Animals

Look who's having a great night.

Time for a cuppa and birthday cake before we say goodnight.

On the Hwy leaving Melbourne heading for home

Nearly Home

A great time was had by all...Cheers \_/\_/\_/

Back to Melbourne

Hi all, Im back from another trip to Melbourne.

this time my Nephews engagement.

I drove to Carol and Ian's in Mooroopna had time for a cuppa and a chat before we set of to stay with Gary and Christine overnight , arrived in plenty of time for another cuppa and chat before it was time to get ready and go to party.

Leaving Shepparton with Ian in the Drivers seat it was good to be able to sit back do a little knitting on the way and enjoy the scenery for a change.

The Engaged couple.

not a very good photo was very dark there

Pauline and her daughter Leanne.(the groom to be's mother)

Jen and Pauline at the party

"A few party animals"

Carol, Ian, Kimberly, Ann and Pauline

On our way home to Carols and Ians.

Ian stopped so I could take this photo Of
Lake Nagambie at sunset

After staying at Carols overnight I stopped in for a cuppa and a lovely chat with Merle, You can see Merle holding a lovely Necklace she just recieved in the mail. It was lovely catching up with you again Merle.

Leaving Shepparton for home

Nearly home and its starting to rain.

Im of to Melbourne again for weekend ill tell you all about that on my return.

and I promise to get around to visiting you all very soon.

Well I better be off early start Bowling tomorrow....Cheerio for now

Cheers \_/\_/\_/

Our trip to Melbourne

Hi Everyone,

We're back from Melbourne, but boy, what a busy few days we had while there.

Gwen and myself left Yarra Friday morning, arriving at Joanne & Colins around lunch time. Later that afternoon my neighbour Ron rang to say that he had gone into my house to feed Clayton, my blue heeler cross dog, only to find that he had passed away. Clayton pictured below aged 14. Brett, my son-in-law, buried him in the backyard, and he & the kids gave him a nice small service.

Rest in Peace my mate.

Saturday : We went with Joanne to do last minute shopping for Hadens 18th birthday party, and to pick up the birthday cake. Then back to Joannes, helping her prepare the nibblies and add a few decorations. Before we knew it, it was to time to get dressed, get a brandy 'n dry in hand, and party on until the early hours of the morning.

The Birthday boy and his Nan

Haden making his speech

A few of the "Party animals"

Gwen, Cazz, Donna, Kayne, Nathan & Serayha.

Sunday : Mothers Day All the kids come to visit me at Joannes, and very unexpectedly presented me with a 7 Week old "Maltese X Shih-Tzu" Puppy, who I've named "Penny". She is just so cute and beautiful and just calling out to be spoilt rotten. I now won't be lonely when I go home.

Penny & Jack (Joannes Moodle(Maltese X Poodle))

Thank you Kids xxxxoooxxxx.

Monday: Gary's 47th birthday, so we packed up and left Joanne's, and headed off to Gary and Christines' to help him celebrate. We had a lovely roast leg of pork with all the vegies and trimmings .. bloody lovely .. Thanks Chris.

Gary blowing out his candles, watched by his son Nathan and wife Christine

The cutting of the cake, and Nathan eagely awaiting his piece!!!

Tueday : Arrived Home late afternoon feeling rather tired and in need of early night.

Penny, all snuggled up in her new basket and blanket.

Wednesday: Up early and of to Albury/ Wodonga for a little retail therepy and appointment with My Oncologist.YIPPPEEE the best news ever. I dont have to see her again unless my speciallist thinks there a need to do so.And I will still be having regular blood tests, and all other tests now every 12 months.

Last time I hope to see this sign to Oncology

Thursday.Of to pennant indoor carpet bowls

Friday hopefully a rest day ,

Saturday We are heading back toMelbourne home Sunday tell you about that next week !!!!!

I promise to get around to visiting you all as soon as Possible

Cheers \_/\_/\_/

The Spoon

Hi everyone, A quick post as im of to Melbourne tomorrow for a very busy few days , ill tell you all about that when I get home early next week..

.. I want to wish all Mothers A very happy Mothers day and hope you all have a wonderful day surrounded by family .

Mothers day here in Australia is celebrated the second sunday in May.

So I will leave you with A little humour ..

For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need for the service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference to an organization.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange.

When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked,

'Why the spoon?'

Well', he explained, 'the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes.

After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.

It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time! I go to the kitchen, instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'

I was impressed..

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly..

Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.

So before he walked off, I asked the waiter,

'Excuse me,

but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant.

That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?' 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others,

but I use the spoon.'
~~~***~~~

Mums will truly appreciate this one...
. Cup of Tea
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'

~~~~****~~~~

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.

'The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied,

'I need it to poison my husband.'The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed,

'Lord have mercy!

I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.

That's against the law!I'll lose my license!

They'll throw both of us in jail!

All kinds of bad things will happen.

Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'

~*~*~*~*~*

Remember:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing.

~~~~~

A cheerful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

Sharing good news

Hi everyone, It was 4years end April of 2004 since I was diagnosed with bowel cancer. and had major surgery and a large portion of the bowel removed.Thursday I entered hospital in preparation for colonoscopy Friday.After this was over and I was fully awake and aware, My specialist come and shook my hand and said I am pleased to say that you are in full recovery and at this point in time cancer free. YIPPEEEEE . I dont have to see her for 12months , when its time for another colonoscopy.. Next appointment: I have to have ongoing blood tests and I see my Oncologist on the 14th May.and looking for more good news .

I promise to get around and visit you all in the next few days.

Grandma's Apron

I don't think our kids know what an apron is.

The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

?It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was?even used for cleaning out dirty?ears?.

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places f or shy kids.

And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her?arms.

Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, i t carried all sorts of vegetables.

After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.

In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen?from the trees.?When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.?

When?dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her

apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes.

REMEMBER:

Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool?Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.

They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs was on that apron.??

I don't think I ever caught anything from Grandma's Apron.

~*~*~*~*~*

Aging

Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband.

She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.

The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast".
Later that night...

Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

~*~*~*~*

I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the party......even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I'm very good at opening childproof caps...with a hammer.

I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I'm awake hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.

I'm very good at telling stories - over and over and over and over..

... I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine. I'm so cared for ---

long-term care,

eye care,

private care,

dental care.

~*~*~*~*~*~

HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:

The melody out of music,

The pride out of appearance,

The courtesy out of driving,

The romance out of love,

The commitment out of marriage,

The responsibility out of parenthood,

The togetherness out of the family,

The learning out of education,

The service out of patriotism,

The Golden Rule from rulers,

The nativity scene out of cities,

The civility out of behavior,

The refinement out of language,

The dedication out of employment,

The prudence out of spending,

The ambition out of achievement,

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!