Saturday, May 31, 2008

SMILE

Hi Everybody,
Not a lot to say tonight.Ive had a very quiet week played bowls and just recovering and had a much needed rest, after all the parties and travelling back and forth from Melbourne over the last few weeks.

Now on with a little laughter.



THE SMILE

TO ALL THE GREAT MUMS
Out walking with a 4 year old .
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth, Mother took the item away from her and asked her not to do that.
'Why?'
asked the little girl!
'Because it's been on the ground and you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs' she replied.
At this point, her daughter
looked at me with total admiration and asked,'Mummy, how do you know all
this stuff?
You are so smart.' I was thinking quickly.
'All mums know this stuff.
It's on the Mummy Test.
You have to know it or they don't let you be a Mummy'
They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
'OH... I get it!'
she beamed,

'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy.'
'Exactly,' I replied back with a big smile on my face.
~~~~****~~~~
Men DO Remember Anniversaries

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?'
she whispers as she steps into the room,'Why are you down here at this time of night?
'The husband looks up from is coffee, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?' he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.'Yes I do,' she replies.
The husband paused.
The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?''Yes, I remember,' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.
'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?''I remember that too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......
'I would have gotten out today.'
~~~~****~~~~

TAXI DRIVER
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault.

Today is my first day driving a cab.....

.I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'

~~~~****~~~~


HA ! HA ! HA


A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up but just needed to put the dog out, when the taxi arrived.

However as the couple walked out of the house, the dog shoots back in the house.

They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver: "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says.

"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!

Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard!

She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!"

The silence in the cab was deafening
~~~~****~~~~

Life is short!
Break the rules!
Forgive quickly!
Kiss slowly!
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably.
. And never regret anything
that made you smile

~~~~****~~~~

Have a Great Weekend CHEERS \_/\_/\_/

Labels:

13 Comments:

Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate.
Great jokes,had l.o.l.we must have
the same source regarding our jokes
I had most of them, so f some
happens to pop up on my blog sorry.
see u soon xoxo

May 31, 2008 9:02 pm  
Blogger Hootin' Anni said...

I can't get past the mommy test!! That's a hoot.

Cheers \_/\_/\_/ to you too dear Jen.

May 31, 2008 10:49 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

That happens to a party girl, lol !
I had workers here to clean the roof not it rains since 4 days and they can't continue, it has to be dry to put the anti moss product and repaint ! I tell you that's a mess !

May 31, 2008 11:29 pm  
Blogger Anonymous said...

HAHHAAA!!! Thanks for the laugh! Judging by all the posts below, you are a PARTY GIRL! Out to have a backyard family get-together now in the rain ... ;)

June 01, 2008 11:11 am  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi Jeanette,

The two taxi jokes were a hoot!

Janice~

June 01, 2008 3:54 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Dear Jan ~~ Great jokes , and I often tell the Taxi drivers about the tap on the shoulder one. Pauline sent me the Mummy test too. The meat loaf in muffin tins worked well, I grease them a little, and cook for a shorter time than a big loaf. Glad you liked the story of the young mother and kids being helped by someone, and then his car went well. Take care, my
friend. Love, Merle.

June 01, 2008 6:43 pm  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

Jan ~ G'day! I used to always think that our anniversary was one day alter than it really was... that is until my son good married on the day after our anniversary. So now all I have to remember is who's comes first!

June 01, 2008 8:51 pm  
Blogger Susie said...

Hi Jan,
Loved all your jokes today esp the Mommy test! I had to read it out loud to Bill.
Have a great week
xo

June 02, 2008 12:04 pm  
Blogger bigbikerbob said...

Hi Jan, Very funny jokes as usual, your blogs always makes me smile.

June 02, 2008 10:03 pm  
Blogger Peggy said...

Thanks for the jokes. I needed some laughs today. Have a great week

June 02, 2008 10:25 pm  
Blogger Alice said...

"Never regret anything that made you smile" -- I like that a lot. Your jokes certainly made me smile today.

June 03, 2008 12:29 am  
Blogger smilnsigh said...

You must need your rest. :-) But it's fun to need rest, after all the trip fun you had.

Make sure you take the time to rest enough.

Mari-Nanci
Smilnsigh

June 04, 2008 7:16 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jan, you are looking good tonight.
The last little "Life is short!" bit was the best. It describes the way I would like to be, just a lot I am.
CHEERS \_/\_/\_/ to you,
..

June 04, 2008 1:41 pm  

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