All I Need to Know in Life I Learned from a COW
Wake up in a Happy MOOOOOD
Honor they FODDER and Mother and all you UDDER relatives
Never take any BULL from Anyone
Seize every opportunity and MILK it for all it's worth
It's better to be seen and not HERD
Don't forget to COWNT your blessings every day
BLACK & WHITE is always an appropriate fashion statement
Turn the UDDER cheek and MOOOOVE on
Always let them know who's the BOSS
Three male Labrador Retrievers
-- one chocolate, one yellow and one black were sittingin the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation.
The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, "So why are you here?"
The brown Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains,the cat, the kids.
But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of myowner's bed.
"The black Lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?""Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the chocolate Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down.
The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"The yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger.
I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch.""So what are they going to do to you?
" the black Lab inquired."Looks like I'm losing my nuts too". The dejected yellow Lab said.
The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?""I'm a humper," the black Lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat,a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see."Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes,and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away"
.The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?"
The black Lab said.... "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
"Kiss the frog"
My husband is 67 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day, when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up!!."He looked around for several minutes, but he couldn't see anyone.
The voice pleaded again, "Pick me up!"He looked in the water and there floating on the top was a frog.
My husband said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog replied, "Hell yes I'm talking to you!! Pick me up and give me a kiss and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
As a reward, I'll give you the most wonderful sexual pleasures you have ever seen or heard of.My husband looked at the frog for several minutes then reached over and picked the frog up carefully and placed it in his breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "Are you nuts, didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasure like you've never had before?!"He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "At my age I would rather have a talking frog.
Labels: Humour - Animal