Friday, May 11, 2007

Pet Humour keep smiling


All I Need to Know in Life I Learned from a COW

Wake up in a Happy MOOOOOD
Honor they FODDER and Mother and all you UDDER relatives
Never take any BULL from Anyone
Seize every opportunity and MILK it for all it's worth
It's better to be seen and not HERD
Don't forget to COWNT your blessings every day
BLACK & WHITE is always an appropriate fashion statement
Turn the UDDER cheek and MOOOOVE on
Always let them know who's the BOSS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three male Labrador Retrievers

-- one chocolate, one yellow and one black were sittingin the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation.
The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, "So why are you here?"
The brown Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains,the cat, the kids.
But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of myowner's bed.
"The black Lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?""Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the chocolate Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down.
The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"The yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger.
I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch.""So what are they going to do to you?
" the black Lab inquired."Looks like I'm losing my nuts too". The dejected yellow Lab said.
The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?""I'm a humper," the black Lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat,a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see."Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes,and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away"
.The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?"
The black Lab said.... "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Kiss the frog"
My husband is 67 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day, when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up!!."He looked around for several minutes, but he couldn't see anyone.
The voice pleaded again, "Pick me up!"He looked in the water and there floating on the top was a frog.
My husband said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog replied, "Hell yes I'm talking to you!! Pick me up and give me a kiss and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
As a reward, I'll give you the most wonderful sexual pleasures you have ever seen or heard of.My husband looked at the frog for several minutes then reached over and picked the frog up carefully and placed it in his breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "Are you nuts, didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasure like you've never had before?!"He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "At my age I would rather have a talking frog.

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18 Comments:

Blogger Peter said...

Ha, Ha and Ha

May 12, 2007 12:54 am  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

;) A FUN post , Jan! My favorite was the first- the wisdom of the COWS! (Lol- that's the country girl in me!)


Love,

Junie

May 12, 2007 1:02 am  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate.
Great post you got the colour right[Black&White]up the pies.See u soon xx

May 12, 2007 12:02 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

okay.. the frog joke made me croak

May 12, 2007 5:33 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Liked the jokes, bt te cow got my vote this time. Thanks for your comments, gla dyou liked the Mother's Day post, and I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow. My new
computer leaves a lot to be desired
but will get fixed. Using my old laptop at present, no Internet on new
one. It goes back Tuesday for fixing.
Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

May 12, 2007 6:39 pm  
Blogger PEA said...

LOL love them all! Thank you for starting off my day with a laugh! hehe Have a wonderful weekend my friend and Happy Mother's Day:-) xoxo

May 12, 2007 11:41 pm  
Blogger Renae said...

Those jokes are hilarious!!!! Have a wnonderful Happy Mothers Day!!
Renae

May 13, 2007 12:53 am  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Ha! Ha! Funny set of jokes. I love the last one about the frog. Nice photo of the dogs. The black lab reminds me of my Bruno.

May 13, 2007 1:21 am  
Blogger Sonia said...

Love pet's humour! I looked through quickly, for now, but I will return soon.

Thanks for your nice comment about my photos! About the tree's species, I left an answer on comments. But I will try to now the exact name of the tree soon.

Have a good weekend!

May 13, 2007 1:45 am  
Blogger Anita said...

I always enjoy your jokes, Jen.... ;-)))

And what a nice cow you have on your blog today... ;-)) Don't forget to feed it!

Have a relaxing Sunday!

Warmest wishes from Germany,
Anita

May 13, 2007 2:32 am  
Blogger Hootin'Anni said...

OH my god! I love the lab story!! That's just too good, I gotta copy this one and share with my friends.

Happy weekend dear lady.

May 13, 2007 3:40 am  
Blogger Val said...

Naughty naughty naughty doggies!

May 13, 2007 9:42 am  
Blogger Susie said...

Thanks for the laughs!
I loved the cow story :)

May 13, 2007 1:43 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Aaaaahahahaha...loved the stories, Jeanette.

I've just read your previous post on your visit to Merle. What a lovely day you must have had. Good that you met Peter, too.

Have a lovely week.

May 13, 2007 8:30 pm  
Blogger Margaret said...

Hi, Very funny jokes, thanks for your visit I am being very careful of my back and the knee as,I cannpt affors to be crippled during the move.Thank you for your concern.
Cheers and Hugs.

May 14, 2007 1:09 am  
Blogger Sorlil said...

hiya - great jokes as usual and love the pictures!

May 14, 2007 5:31 am  
Blogger Meow said...

Great jokes, Jeanette. Love the labrador one the best !! Naughty doggies !!
Hope you have a great week.
Take care, Meow

May 14, 2007 9:02 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Sounds just like my husband. He'd rather have a talking frog than a good screw too!!!!!!

May 20, 2007 11:47 pm  

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