Wednesday, May 23, 2007

A LITTLE HUMOUR

Hi everyone. had busy few days. Now im going to Melbourne tomorrow for a few days with Gwen comming along to keep me company on the trip "thank you Gwen" staying at my daughter Joanne's for a few days . My granddaughter Emily( Gary's and Christine's )daughter is making her Debut on friday night which im looking forward to attending with all the family.I will take lots of photo's to show on my return. also visiting my very sick brother,Doing a little shopping buying a new printer, before we return home for me to have tests done in hospital on Wednesday. I will be back to visit you all as soon as possible . stay safe stay well.. Jen.

Now to finish off with a few jokes

Hole In One

Jimmy had been playing for twenty years but never had a hole-in-one.
As he was blasting away in a sandtrap one day and he voiced the thought.
"I'd give anything to get a hole-in-one."
"Anything?" came a voice from behind.
Jimmy turned to see a grinning, red-clad figure with horns and a tail."What did you have in mind?" Jimmy asked."Would you give up half your sex life?"asked the devilish figure.
"Yes, Yes I would." Jimmy replied. "It's a deal then." and the figure faded from sight.
On the very next hole he did it! The ball soared from his club in a perfect arc right into the hole for his first ever hole-in-one.
And amazingly, he aced every other hole that he played the rest of the day! At the end of the round, the figure in red appeared again.
"Now for our bargain,"
he said. "You remember you must give up half your sex life."Jimmy frowned.
"That gives me a bit of a problem," he said."You're not backing out of this," cried the figure.
"We struck a bargain and you agreed to it." "Yes, of course. But I do have a problem.Which half of my sex life do you want ... the thinking or the dreaming?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just beautiful!'"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alabama Preacher and His Congregation
The Alabama preacher said to his Congregation,"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumorthat I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horriblelie and one which a Christian community cannottolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend toaccept this. Now, I want the party who did thisto stand and ask forgiveness from God and thisChristian family."No one moved.The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerveto face me and admit this is a falsehood?Remember, you will be forgiven and in yourheart you will feel glory. Now stand and confessyour transgression."Again all was quiet.Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde witha body that would stop traffic rose from the thirdpew. Her head was bowed and her voice quiveredas she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terriblemisunderstanding. I never said you were a memberof the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of myfriends you were a wizard under the sheets."The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
The Drunk
A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby.
The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr.Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees.
The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him.
The man walks over and tries to wake Mr.Murphy but Mr. Murphy is groggy and quite drunk.
The man helps Mr. Murphy to his feet and Mr.Murphy falls to the floor in a heap. "Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car.
Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr. Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car.
He then drives to the address the bartender gave him. He opens the passenger door and helps Mr.Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground.
Cursing softly now, the man helps him to his feet and practically drags him to the front door.
He lets go of Mr. Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again.
He helps him to his feet as Mrs. Murphy answers the door.
"Hi, Mrs. Murphy?
Your husband had a little too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home." "That was nice of you," she says, looking around, "But....where's his wheelchair?"
~~~~~~~~~~~

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22 Comments:

Blogger Renae said...

Good jokes!! I hope you have a lovely visit with your daughter and grandaughter. I'm sorry to hear your brother is ill. Prayers sent your way for him to recover. Good luck to when you have your tests done in hospital. All the best!!!
Renae

May 24, 2007 1:53 am  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jeanette. Have a safe trip to Melbourne. Sorry to hear about your brother. I just hope everything will be fine.

Good luck to Emily. I hope she'll do perfectly well.

I also hope that whatever tests you'll be having will have favorable results. Take care!

May 24, 2007 1:56 am  
Blogger RUTH said...

Read on UKBOB's blog that it was "test" time on Wednesday. Will be thinking of you. Sorry to hear your brother is so ill. A trying time for you.
As usual the jokes are brilliant..
Rx

May 24, 2007 2:28 am  
Blogger "Early Bird" said...

Have a great time on your little trip...
I loved the "wizard" joke...lol!

May 24, 2007 4:22 am  
Blogger Steve G said...

Have a good trip. Glad I stopped by. Funny stuff here.

May 24, 2007 4:39 am  
Blogger Susie said...

Have a wonderful trip and fun with Gwen!
I'm so sorry your brother is ill..
Hope all your tests come out just fine!!
:)

May 24, 2007 7:22 am  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

Those jokes were very funny- especially that last one! ;)

Have a safe and fun trip!


Junie

May 24, 2007 1:02 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ I hope you and Gwen have a great time in Melbourne with Joanne and I hope the Ball goes well. Thanks so much for the Birthday Greetings-- my "little" brother is not popular at present. He says I'm 73 and he's only 70 so I must be 3 years oder than him. He will be 71 on 28th May. So it's 2 years and 4 days.
Where is his respect for age???
The jokes were very good, and I hope your brother is comfortable and pleased to see you. Talk to you when you get home. Have fun, but be
good!! Take care, Love, Merle.

May 24, 2007 8:53 pm  
Blogger PEA said...

Hi Jen...have a wonderful trip, be safe and have fun! Loved all the jokes...can never get enough of the Johnny jokes! lol xox

May 24, 2007 10:04 pm  
Blogger smilnsigh said...

Hope you have a lovely trip, and lots of good visiting and shopping.

And best of luck with upcoming tests.

Hugs,
Mari-Nanci

May 24, 2007 11:40 pm  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate.
Well your tag got me,you will find the random 7 at the end of mylast blog.xx

May 24, 2007 11:54 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

a wizard under the sheets...

whoooooaa haha ha ha

May 25, 2007 1:04 am  
Blogger Anita said...

I am sorry too to learn that you bother is ill....

Thanks for your nice comment on my alliums! Make sure you pass by my blog again within the next few days since I will be posting a lot more allium photos! (I am currently showing some new pottery balls made by me).

Best wishes from Germany,
Anita

May 25, 2007 2:02 am  
Blogger Hootin'Anni said...

Love the Rambling Preacher! Well, I always enjoy what you have for us....making me laugh is one of the best things for me!!

Have a safe trip, and enjoy!!

You've been tagged
Go Here

May 25, 2007 5:32 am  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Jeanette, I hope you have an enjoyable trip to Melbourne and that your brother is well soon.

Love the jokes, especially the one about Mr Murphy without his wheelchair!

Have a lovely weekend.

May 25, 2007 9:12 pm  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jeanette -- We are back (early) now. I've even posted my status!
Have a nice holiday. Do you celebrate Memorial Day this weekend?
..

May 26, 2007 10:39 am  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi,

I hope your brother is better soon.

That last joke gives new meaning to the term falling down drunk.

Janice~

May 26, 2007 6:13 pm  
Blogger Meow said...

Hope the trip to Melbourne went well. Sorry to hear about your brother ... sending prayers his way.
Hope the tests don't show anything you don't want to know about.
Have a wonderful week.
Take care, Meow

May 27, 2007 10:14 pm  
Blogger Raggedy said...

Safe juorney!
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

May 28, 2007 4:20 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi. Just dropping by again and hoping your doctor's appointment went well. God bless.

May 28, 2007 5:23 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Oh LOL, where do you get 'em?! Hope your brother will be okay soon...Next time you're in Melbourne on a less stressful mission, why not catch up with a few of us? We have a rapidly expanding network down here of bloggers meeting each other!

May 29, 2007 12:33 am  
Blogger RUTH said...

I'm never quite sure what the time difference is between me and you but it's Tuesday here and so just popped in to wish you all the best for tomorrow (Wednesday).
{{HUGS}}
Rx

May 29, 2007 4:11 pm  

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