A LITTLE HUMOUR

Hi everyone. had busy few days. Now im going to Melbourne tomorrow for a few days with Gwen comming along to keep me company on the trip "thank you Gwen" staying at my daughter Joanne's for a few days . My granddaughter Emily( Gary's and Christine's )daughter is making her Debut on friday night which im looking forward to attending with all the family.I will take lots of photo's to show on my return. also visiting my very sick brother,Doing a little shopping buying a new printer, before we return home for me to have tests done in hospital on Wednesday. I will be back to visit you all as soon as possible . stay safe stay well.. Jen.

Now to finish off with a few jokes

Hole In One

Jimmy had been playing for twenty years but never had a hole-in-one.

As he was blasting away in a sandtrap one day and he voiced the thought.

"I'd give anything to get a hole-in-one."

"Anything?" came a voice from behind.

Jimmy turned to see a grinning, red-clad figure with horns and a tail."What did you have in mind?" Jimmy asked."Would you give up half your sex life?"asked the devilish figure.

"Yes, Yes I would." Jimmy replied. "It's a deal then." and the figure faded from sight.

On the very next hole he did it! The ball soared from his club in a perfect arc right into the hole for his first ever hole-in-one.

And amazingly, he aced every other hole that he played the rest of the day! At the end of the round, the figure in red appeared again.

"Now for our bargain,"

he said. "You remember you must give up half your sex life."Jimmy frowned.

"That gives me a bit of a problem," he said."You're not backing out of this," cried the figure.

"We struck a bargain and you agreed to it." "Yes, of course. But I do have a problem.Which half of my sex life do you want ... the thinking or the dreaming?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just beautiful!'"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alabama Preacher and His Congregation

The Alabama preacher said to his Congregation,"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumorthat I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horriblelie and one which a Christian community cannottolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend toaccept this. Now, I want the party who did thisto stand and ask forgiveness from God and thisChristian family."No one moved.The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerveto face me and admit this is a falsehood?Remember, you will be forgiven and in yourheart you will feel glory. Now stand and confessyour transgression."Again all was quiet.Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde witha body that would stop traffic rose from the thirdpew. Her head was bowed and her voice quiveredas she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terriblemisunderstanding. I never said you were a memberof the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of myfriends you were a wizard under the sheets."The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

The Drunk

A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby.
The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr.Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees.
The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him.
The man walks over and tries to wake Mr.Murphy but Mr. Murphy is groggy and quite drunk.
The man helps Mr. Murphy to his feet and Mr.Murphy falls to the floor in a heap. "Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car.
Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr. Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car.
He then drives to the address the bartender gave him. He opens the passenger door and helps Mr.Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground.
Cursing softly now, the man helps him to his feet and practically drags him to the front door.
He lets go of Mr. Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again.
He helps him to his feet as Mrs. Murphy answers the door.
"Hi, Mrs. Murphy?
Your husband had a little too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home." "That was nice of you," she says, looking around, "But....where's his wheelchair?"

~~~~~~~~~~~