My Wish for You in 2009
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.
May the problems you had forget your home address!
In simple words ............
May 2009 be the best year of your life!!!
~~~~~~~Now to end with a little humour
Two cattle drovers standing in an Outback bar.
One asked, ' What are ya up to, Mate? '
Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie. '
' Oh yeah........and what route are you takin'? '
Ah, prob'ly the Missus............. after all, she stuck by me durin' the
Two chimps and a Blonde
- . A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, 'Are you going to the Gold Coast?" 'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift ?' 'Not for me.
I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck my problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the Gold Coast Zoo.
They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day could you possibly take them to the zoo for me ?
I' ll giveyou $100 for your trouble..
' 'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts.
Off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of the Gold Coast when suddenly he was horrified!!
There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
'What the heck are you doing here ?' he demanded,
'I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.'
'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde,' but we had money left over
---so now we're going to SeaWorld ..
A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee, while Another foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tees.
The ladies are taking their time.
When the final lady is Ready to hit off, she hacks the ball ten feet.
She goes over and whiffs it completely.
Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet.
she looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically,"I guess all those DAMN
lessons I took over the winter didn't help.
"One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf Lessons instead!"
He never even had a chance to duck.
The Naked Refrigerator Guy
Three men approached the gate to heaven and as there was only one opening left, the gatekeeper said that whoever had the most remarkable and worthy death could enter.
He asked the first man how he died, and the man replied,
'Imagine this -- I suspected my wife was having an affair behind my back and I wanted to find out the truth.
I came home from work one day to surprise her and catch her in the act,when I searched the house I found her in the bathroom,the mirror was fogged and she had a towel on but her hair wasn't wet, so I knew she wasn't taking a shower.I looked all around the house to find the guy. I found ten fingers hanging onto the window sill outside. I pounded them until he finally let go. When he fell he landed in some bushes and God must have loved him because he lived, so I threw the refrigerator out the window to finish him off.
After all the excitement I fell dead of a heart attack.'
Then the gatekeeper asked the second man how he died. He replied, 'Imagine this -- I'm minding my own business on top of my apartment building.
I was riding one of those stationary bicycles when the screws gave out and I flew off the side. I reached out and caught a window sill, then some idiot started pounding on my fingertips. When I fell I landed in some bushes and God must have loved me because I lived.
But then that same idiot threw his refrigerator out the window and it crushed me.'
'That, too, is horrible,' said the gate keeper.
Then he asked the third man the same question.
His reply was,
'OK, imagine this, I'm naked in a refrigerator...'