The Sneeze
.Hi everyone, hope your all feeling on top of the world where ever you maybe.We have had beautiful weekend with plenty of sunshine .Saturday I stayed indoor and watched the AFL( Australian Football League ) GRANDFINAL on Television.
Today I spent the day in the garden weeding and tidying up , took a few photo's I will down load them in the next few days..
Now on with a few Jokes.
INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.
A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home on the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the cattle Market and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling along outside the Market he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost and could he tell her how to get to Barton Place,
The farmer said
"as a matter of fact, my farm is only a little further down the road I would show you but I just can't carry this lot".
The old lady said "Why don't you put the tin of paint in the bucket then carry that in one hand and put a chicken under each arm and carry the Goose with your free hand".
"Why thank you" the farmer said and off they walked together.
A little further on the Farmer said "lets take a short cut up the alley and across the field, it will save time".
The little old lady stares at him for a while then says "I am a lonely widow with no one to defend me , how do I know when we go up that way you won't pin me against the wall lift my skirt and have your wicked way with me".
The farmer immediately said "how the hell could I do that with my arms full of this stuff"
The old lady comes straight back with "put the Goose down cover it with the bucket, trap it with the paint on top and give me the Chickens to hold".
The Flirt
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told
that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not
be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no
reaction.
Today I spent the day in the garden weeding and tidying up , took a few photo's I will down load them in the next few days..
Now on with a few Jokes.
INNOCENCE IS PRICELESSOne Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.
The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.
''Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque.
''Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque.
'Pastor, what is this?
The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,
'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?'
~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~
A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home on the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the cattle Market and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling along outside the Market he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost and could he tell her how to get to Barton Place,
The farmer said
"as a matter of fact, my farm is only a little further down the road I would show you but I just can't carry this lot".
The old lady said "Why don't you put the tin of paint in the bucket then carry that in one hand and put a chicken under each arm and carry the Goose with your free hand".
"Why thank you" the farmer said and off they walked together.
A little further on the Farmer said "lets take a short cut up the alley and across the field, it will save time".
The little old lady stares at him for a while then says "I am a lonely widow with no one to defend me , how do I know when we go up that way you won't pin me against the wall lift my skirt and have your wicked way with me".
The farmer immediately said "how the hell could I do that with my arms full of this stuff"
The old lady comes straight back with "put the Goose down cover it with the bucket, trap it with the paint on top and give me the Chickens to hold".
~~~~~~~
The FlirtA couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was! not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. 'Oh, the same old thing.
You know I never have a good time when you're not there.
' Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?' He replied, 'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.'
'You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life.'
~~~~~~
~~~~~~
Italian Priests
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained.
The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while
a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told
that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not
be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no
reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all
the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos.
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off onto
the ground.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly bent over to pick it up....
......then all the other bells started to ring
~~~~~~~
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off onto
the ground.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly bent over to pick it up....
......then all the other bells started to ring
~~~~~~~
The Sneeze
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed again.
As before she used a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, 'Icouldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose,and then shuddered violently.
Are you OK?
'I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a very rare medical condition.
Whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.
'The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before,' he said.
'Are you taking anything for it?
'The woman nodded.
'Pepper.'
~~~~~~
And to end with a little Quote
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING
FOR THE STORM TO PASS.
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING
TO DANCE IN THE RAIN!
Hope these jokes bought a little laughter to your day.
Cheers \_/\_/\_/
Labels: Humour - Mixed
posted by Jeanette at 11:12 pm
18 comments
A few days later with a wet chin, after her dinner I decided was time to get Penny groomed, the call was made and 2 days later Jesse picked her up then bought her home again after being groomed
Today every time I go past Penny or she sees me she whimpers and wants to get picked up . 
Emily and her Mum Chris greeting party goers arriving for the big night
B/Day girl Emily making speech before cutting cake
Emily cutting cake
A Close up
A patch of snowdrops
