Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Sneeze

.Hi everyone, hope your all feeling on top of the world where ever you maybe.We have had beautiful weekend with plenty of sunshine .Saturday I stayed indoor and watched the AFL( Australian Football League ) GRANDFINAL on Television.

Today I spent the day in the garden weeding and tidying up , took a few photo's I will down load them in the next few days..


Now on with a few Jokes.



INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.
''Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque.

'Pastor, what is this?

The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?'
~~~~~~~~


A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed.

They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home on the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the cattle Market and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling along outside the Market he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost and could he tell her how to get to Barton Place,

The farmer said
"as a matter of fact, my farm is only a little further down the road I would show you but I just can't carry this lot".

The old lady said "Why don't you put the tin of paint in the bucket then carry that in one hand and put a chicken under each arm and carry the Goose with your free hand".

"Why thank you" the farmer said and off they walked together.
A little further on the Farmer said "lets take a short cut up the alley and across the field, it will save time".

The little old lady stares at him for a while then says "I am a lonely widow with no one to defend me , how do I know when we go up that way you won't pin me against the wall lift my skirt and have your wicked way with me".

The farmer immediately said "how the hell could I do that with my arms full of this stuff"
The old lady comes straight back with "put the Goose down cover it with the bucket, trap it with the paint on top and give me the Chickens to hold".

~~~~~~~
The Flirt
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.

As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was! not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. 'Oh, the same old thing.

You know I never have a good time when you're not there.

' Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?' He replied, 'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.'

'You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life.'
~~~~~~
Italian Priests


Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained.
The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while
a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told
that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not
be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no
reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all
the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos.
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off onto
the ground.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly bent over to pick it up....
......then all the other bells started to ring
~~~~~~~


The Sneeze
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed again.

As before she used a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, 'Icouldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose,and then shuddered violently.

Are you OK?

'I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a very rare medical condition.

Whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.

'The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before,' he said.

'Are you taking anything for it?

'The woman nodded.

'Pepper.'

~~~~~~

And to end with a little Quote

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING

FOR THE STORM TO PASS.

IT'S ABOUT LEARNING

TO DANCE IN THE RAIN!






Hope these jokes bought a little laughter to your day.

Cheers \_/\_/\_/

Labels:

18 Comments:

Blogger Janice said...

Hi Jeanette,

I heard about a woman who suffered from the same malady that the lady from the plane did. She thought she was possed by the devil and hated having a cold.

Some people are never happy I guess.

Janice~

September 29, 2008 3:09 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Dear Jan ~~ Some great jokes you have
for us today. The Grand Final was good wasn't it? Geelong had a win last year, so I was glad for Shane Crawford.You and I can have a fight for next years!!
Glad you like the header and the story
about the one flaw in women. Take care, my friend. Love, Merle.

September 29, 2008 6:21 pm  
Blogger bigbikerbob said...

Hi Jen, Loved the jokes especially the Halloween one, I must pass that on.

September 29, 2008 7:14 pm  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jen, I can relate to your blog pretty good today. Some things I can't tell.
I will tell that I like to flirt and I don't think it is bad for married men to flirt in a subtle manner. Generally not a wink or touch but a 'friendly' smile goes a long way!
And never, never should married people get carried away with their flirting.
I have a poem about getting carried away with flirting right now on my other blog, Jim's Little Photo Place (http://jimmiehov6.blogspot.com/)
It was a fun poem to write and it seems to be 'ringing a few bells.'
..
BTW, Adi is a girl dog. And doesn't everyone like her sooooo much! Just like your Penny.
..

October 01, 2008 12:26 am  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

Jan ~ The thought of a Football Game sounds much better that the weeds. I loved the Sneeze Joke! CUTE! ~ jb///

October 01, 2008 1:37 am  
Blogger raccoonlover1963 said...

Hi Jen. Great jokes! I thought I was going to die laughing!
Lisa

October 01, 2008 10:57 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Hello dear Jen:-)

LOL loved the jokes...that first one had me giggling, I loved it! Poor little Alex won't want to go to service anymore! hehe Loved the Flirt as well...EGADS!!! lol Thank you so much for the laughs, my friend. xoxo

October 01, 2008 12:56 pm  
Blogger Peggy said...

I love the jokes!! Had to read them to William and now he is laughing so hard he is crying

October 02, 2008 1:03 am  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

Loved the jokes, Jeanette!

I think that first one is my favorite here.

Take care and enjoy your day.


Junie

October 02, 2008 2:40 am  
Blogger Dreadnought said...

Hi Jeanette, I'm sort of on top of the world, thanks. I can't wait to see your pictures. Anyway I have an award for you if you want it, I decided to give this to you because I enjoy visiting you and reading what you write so much. To collect it please visit my blog. Bob

October 02, 2008 4:00 am  
Blogger Reader Wil said...

Hi Jeannette, thanks for the jokes! Always good to start the day with some smiles or even beller laughing! Thanks for visiting and your kind words.

October 02, 2008 9:12 pm  
Blogger Diane@Diane's Place said...

LOL! Great jokes, Jen. :o)

Hope you're having a great week, my friend.

Love and hugs,

Diane

October 03, 2008 7:00 pm  
Blogger Alice said...

I love that ending quote! I hope your favorite football team won the championship. I really like the Australian National team when they play in World Cup.

October 03, 2008 10:10 pm  
Blogger Gramma Ann said...

Hi Jen, I'm a little slow at getting back for a visit, but been busy the last few days. You have some funnies today. I hope all is going well with you this week. I was wondering does all that dust from the dust storm get in you house and make a mess there also? Will say so long for today, until we meet again have a fun week-end.

Ann

October 04, 2008 1:22 am  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi again Dear Jan ~~ The weather has been lovely - be nice if it stayed like this and rained at night!!! My friend
Lorraine came and planted my tomatos and
other thins I bought. I insisted she take some money, because I couldn't have done them myself today as my back is bad.
Hope you are doing well, it's a nice time in the garden watching things flower. Take great care, Jan, Love, Merle.

October 04, 2008 6:24 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jen. Thanks for sharing these jokes.

Hope you'll have a lovely weekend. My hubby has flu so we won't be going out this weekend.

That's a wonderful quote. Sometimes we need to gather our courage to accept things. We can do what we can and then let go.

October 04, 2008 9:59 pm  
Blogger ArleneWKW said...

I can picture the little boy trembling. Cute.

October 05, 2008 6:24 am  
Blogger Rusty in Miami said...

Great jokes as always

October 05, 2008 7:23 am  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home