Friday, September 11, 2009

Eye Surgery No.2

Hi everyone, NURSE CAROL here .. I would just like to fill you all in on mums progress. As you can see by the picture below, she wasnt a good girl so I had to blacken her eye to pull her back into line ..LMAO .. well truthfully, she has had another procedure, and has had a growth removed from under her right eye, besides sporting a few stitches, bruising and mild soreness she is doing well. She got a gold star for her left eyes progress, which I will take a little of the credit for. Mum is booked in for her right eye cataract surgery middle of October. She is unable to sit at the computer and read as she cant wear her glasses, and things are all still a little blurred. As her sight improves she will get around to visiting you all. Believe me when I say, its been a hard task keeping her off of her computer. Under her direction, here are a few jokes to keep you all going. Stay safe and well until I report in, or mum sneaks on !!!!
.
Now on with a few jokes.
~~~~~~~~
WHEN NOTHING GOES RIGHT

A short guy is sitting at a bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?

" The poor little guy starts crying..

"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs.
"I can't do anything right.

I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me..

When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance.

I left my wallet in the cab I took home." He continues, crying even harder.

"Then I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me So, I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."


~~~~~~~


Oh To Be 12 Again..

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.What a day!He put her on every ride in the park;

the Death Slide,

the Corkscrew

,the Wall of Fear,

the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster,

everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down

.He then took her to a Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets...........M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,

'Well Dear,what was it like being twelve again?

'Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!

'The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.


~~~~~~~


A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.

' The driver says, Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.

As the officer writes out the Ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,

'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says,

'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did..' As the officer makes out the second Ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notic e that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.

That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.

' The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on.

You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third Ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??

' The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

I love this part.....
'Only when he's been drinking.

You guessed it another Ticket

"Dont drink and drive".

16 Comments:

Blogger Marjorie said...

Jeanette,
Hope you will be back in action before long. It sounds like you have a good nurse looking out for you.
I am sure you will be really happy to be able to see clearly again. Happy days.
Marjorie

September 12, 2009 2:58 am  
Blogger Tinsie said...

Hi Jeanette, glad to hear you're doing well - Nurse Carol, keep up the good work! All the best xx

September 12, 2009 9:29 am  
Blogger Merle said...

Dear Jan and Carol ~~ So sorry to see you looking like that Jan, but I think it will all be worth it in the end. It better be.
Well done Carol, you are a wonderful daughter as you always step up when you are needed and your Mum is so lucky to have you so near and so willing. Keep up the good work.
Another blogging friend is having her 2nd eye done on 22 Oct. Patty had her first just before you, Jan.
Look after yourself my friend and enjoy the rest until you can join us again. We will be here.
Good jokes. Love to you both,
Merle.

September 12, 2009 4:04 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Oooh, Jen, I can't believe Carol had to resort to giving you a shiner to keep you in line!

Or, maybe I should ask; what does the other guy look like?

Glad you had that growth cut off though. Best of luck for your next cataract extraction. Now you won't miss a thing, your eyesight will be so much better.

September 12, 2009 4:56 pm  
Blogger Hootin' Anni said...

With all jokes aside...I'm pleased to read this post you shared Carol!

Tell her that she is being thought of....clear across from the other side of the world!!

Keep her off the computer...and may she heal quickly and all will be well soon.

September 12, 2009 8:49 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Good on you Carol, for stepping in on your Mum's blog and keeping all her fans informed of her progress! I see she got my joke (the first one) - I thought she would like that!

September 12, 2009 11:07 pm  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

Jen
So happy to see you are doing well and have such a good Nurse. Take care and Carol thanks for keeping us updated. Peace

September 13, 2009 1:00 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Ah, nurse Carol, what a terrific nurse you are being to your mom:-) I'm so glad to hear that she is doing well and healing...as you say, now if she'll only listen to instructions NOT to sit at the computer! lol Loved the jokes!! xoxo

September 15, 2009 4:35 am  
Blogger Margaret Cloud said...

Your mums eye looks so sore, hope it does not take long to heal. I really enjoyed all the jokes, especially the cop stopping the old guy, loved it when his wife would not keep her mouth shut. Have a great week.

September 16, 2009 8:32 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Hey Jan, I do hope that Cazz of yours is taking care you as good as she is us.
I should have gotten here sooner, by now you probably are about to take off your (eye patch??).
Those jokes she posted sound like you in every word, I loved the sad biker joke, the guy was really sad, and sadder still when the biker did him in.
Cheers, here's to hoping your recovery is going better and better,
..

September 19, 2009 3:35 am  
Blogger Cathy said...

Hello Jen
Making my way round blogs to say thanks for your thoughts and comments on our recent trip up North to the Bowen and the Whitsundays. Did you ever go that way when you were travelling? Fabulous area and I'm pleased we made the effort this year.
Hope you're taking it easy and behaving as regards to the computer - lots of things we can get by without but eyesight is not top of the list. Come back when both are fixed and you are allowed to surf the web
Take care
Cathy

September 20, 2009 4:40 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Hi Jen, just leaving a comment to say hello-how-are-you, and hoping the eyes are on the improve now.
{{hugs}}

September 22, 2009 10:17 pm  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

Nurse Carol... lighten up on mum! :-) but then like the statement said; "The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong." So... don't listen to me! What do I know? LOL ~ jb///

September 23, 2009 1:09 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

You are beautiful even with a black eye.

September 23, 2009 2:26 am  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Dear Jan ~~ Thanks for the message
Glad you are doing well, but don't get on the computer when it hurts your eyes. The time will go quickly
and we will all be here when you are more able to blog in comfort.
I did enjoy seeing you and Pauline
also. At least I had some visitors!!
Geoff got his dates mixed and my friend hurt his shoulder.
Bye now, dear friend, Love, Merle.

September 23, 2009 11:31 pm  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Yes I hope you get well soon. Don't worry people will soon stop asking how you got into a bar brawl ...

September 25, 2009 10:41 pm  

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