Chucky

Gday Everyone. Not much happening here, Brett, Donna ,Rylie and Maddison picked me up Sunday after inviting me to go to the Cinema with them Too see "MY SISTERS KEEPER" . The ticket attendant had a box of tissues and he offered the box to take a couple as you entered the theatre. A Real Tear Jerker . all Im saying is its a good movie incase some of you out there go to see it or hire it..Im back bowling Indoor carpet bowls, Lawn bowls starts again end of August, oh I hope the weather starts to warm up by then so wont be to cold outside bowling,. All I have done in the garden is prune the roses, will be out in the garden as soon as as the sun gets some warmth in it . the garden needs a little TLC with my plants needing a trim soon as they show a few new shoots and spring into life.
Well everyone on with a little laughter and we can all do with that in our lives.

Don't Poke Him In Church!

A couple was sitting in church.

The man was sleeping and his wife was knitting.

The priest asked: "Who created the Earth and man?"

The woman poked the man with her knitting needle, and the man screamed, "GOD

"The Priest looked at him and said, "That's right.

" Then he asked "Who is God's son?

"Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!"

Again, the priest said, "Correct."

Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want any more children?The knitter poked her husband again,but this time he got up and screamed:

"Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!"

~~~~~~~~

POOF and the light goes off!
An 60-year-old man goes for a physical.

All of his tests come back with normal results.

The doctor says,'Bert, everything looks great.

How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'Bert replies, 'God and I are tight.

He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it for when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom,*poof*!, the light goes on.

When I'm done, *poof*!!, the light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Bert's wife.'Joan,' he says, "'Bert is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.

Is it true that he gets upduring the night and *poof *!!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof*!! the light goes off?'"

'OH MY GAWD!' Joan exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again!!!!'.

~~~~~~~~~~

AN old farmer went to town to see a movie .

the ticket agent asked . "Sir whats on your shoulder ?"

The old farmer said, Thats my pet Rooster Chucky . Wherever I go chucky goes :Im sorry sir " said the ticket agent .

"We cant allow animals in the theatre. .

" The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls ,.

He returned to the booth , bought a ticket and entered the theatre He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm , the old farmer unbuttoned his fly so chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

Marge whispered Mildred what?"said Marge" I think that guy next to me is a pervert .

Marge, what makes you think that ?." ask marge He undid his pants and he has his thing out, whispered Mildred .

Well don't worry about it said Marge

Hell at our age we've seen em all .

I thought so too "said Mildred"

" but this ones eating my Popcorn "!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work.
The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.
After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat.
When all the other people had left,
I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels.
He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'
The engaged woman giggled and said, that's pretty much my story!
When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto heeled shoes.
He was so turned on that we not only $crewed all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning.
I made arrangements for the kids to stay at their Grandma's.
I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume.
I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask.
When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?''

~~~~~~~~~~

The Vicar's Salary.

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation.

No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Manchester and Swindon stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Toyota every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private school education of his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a big smile, 'If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his head in his hands and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies: 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, **** him'.

~~~~~~~~~~~

To End with a riddle

Riddle of the Day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Bush is one.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

.Cher claims that she took on 3

.We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it?

V

V

V
V

Answer!

(this is pretty good )

The answer is:

HAHAHAHA

"A Last Name."