Monday, August 10, 2009

Chucky

Gday Everyone. Not much happening here, Brett, Donna ,Rylie and Maddison picked me up Sunday after inviting me to go to the Cinema with them Too see "MY SISTERS KEEPER" . The ticket attendant had a box of tissues and he offered the box to take a couple as you entered the theatre. A Real Tear Jerker . all Im saying is its a good movie incase some of you out there go to see it or hire it..Im back bowling Indoor carpet bowls, Lawn bowls starts again end of August, oh I hope the weather starts to warm up by then so wont be to cold outside bowling,. All I have done in the garden is prune the roses, will be out in the garden as soon as as the sun gets some warmth in it . the garden needs a little TLC with my plants needing a trim soon as they show a few new shoots and spring into life.
Well everyone on with a little laughter and we can all do with that in our lives.


Don't Poke Him In Church!


A couple was sitting in church.
The man was sleeping and his wife was knitting.

The priest asked: "Who created the Earth and man?"

The woman poked the man with her knitting needle, and the man screamed, "GOD
"The Priest looked at him and said, "That's right.
" Then he asked "Who is God's son?
"Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!"
Again, the priest said, "Correct."

Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want any more children?The knitter poked her husband again,but this time he got up and screamed:

"Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!"

~~~~~~~~



POOF and the light goes off!
An 60-year-old man goes for a physical.

All of his tests come back with normal results.

The doctor says,'Bert, everything looks great.

How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'Bert replies, 'God and I are tight.

He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it for when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom,*poof*!, the light goes on.

When I'm done, *poof*!!, the light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Bert's wife.'Joan,' he says, "'Bert is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.

Is it true that he gets upduring the night and *poof *!!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof*!! the light goes off?'"

'OH MY GAWD!' Joan exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again!!!!'.

~~~~~~~~~~



AN old farmer went to town to see a movie .
the ticket agent asked . "Sir whats on your shoulder ?"

The old farmer said, Thats my pet Rooster Chucky . Wherever I go chucky goes :Im sorry sir " said the ticket agent .

"We cant allow animals in the theatre. .
" The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls ,.
He returned to the booth , bought a ticket and entered the theatre He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm , the old farmer unbuttoned his fly so chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

Marge whispered Mildred what?"said Marge" I think that guy next to me is a pervert .
Marge, what makes you think that ?." ask marge He undid his pants and he has his thing out, whispered Mildred .

Well don't worry about it said Marge

Hell at our age we've seen em all .

I thought so too "said Mildred"

" but this ones eating my Popcorn "!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~


Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work.
The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.
After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat.
When all the other people had left,
I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels.
He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'
The engaged woman giggled and said, that's pretty much my story!
When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto heeled shoes.
He was so turned on that we not only $crewed all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning.
I made arrangements for the kids to stay at their Grandma's.
I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume.
I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask.
When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?''

~~~~~~~~~~

The Vicar's Salary.

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Manchester and Swindon stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Toyota every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private school education of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a big smile, 'If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his head in his hands and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies: 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, **** him'.
~~~~~~~~~~~
To End with a riddle
Riddle of the Day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
.Cher claims that she took on 3
.We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
V
V
V
V
Answer!
(this is pretty good )
The answer is:
HAHAHAHA
"A Last Name."

Labels:

20 Comments:

Blogger Hootin' Anni said...

"poke me with that thing one more time and I'll rip it off"........that, I couldn't get past. What a hoot.

I wish I could go out and trim flowers...it's so darned hot here, and dry. To have the season you're in now sounds like a bit of heaven.

I'll have to check and see if I can rent that movie.

Have a great day Jen. Sorry I've not visited in such a long time. Hope you're doing well.

August 11, 2009 10:24 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Dear Jan ~~ Glad you got out to see a movie with the family. The jokes were all good, thank you.
I liked the knitting needle one best for tonight. I have posted it with a school teacher and her class, with a girl waking a boy up with a pencil.
Thanks for your comments about Sam,
makes you wonder if the 6 months of treatment were worth the effort and the pain she would have suffered.Glad the jokes were OK and wise girl to put the cuppa down when reading jokes.
Take great care my friend,
Love, Merle. X X

August 11, 2009 10:56 pm  
Anonymous Charlotte said...

Hi Jen,
Seems strange it is cold in parts of the world. Our high today will be 107. I would love a little of that cold weather, lol
Thanks for the comments on my dishcloths. Here's the url for the pattern.
http://www.groovy-mom.com/crafty/patterns/dishcloth.shtml
They're very easy and fast to make once you get the "hang" of it.
G'day.
Charlotte

August 12, 2009 12:19 am  
Blogger Margaret Cloud said...

I am glad you had fun at the movies. I enjoyed the stories and jokes. The church one was my favorite, made my smile for the day. Thank you for coming by, have a great week.

August 12, 2009 1:36 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Jeanette, I laughed all the way! All the way to the bottom of your post. It all started with the fellow with the light for peeing. Thanks, I'm going to send it to my sister.

I liked your last name too. We don't always use ours. I won't say why here. At a restaurant I am HUNTER. No problems with that.
..
I can have problems getting pictures in the rest rooms, especially the ladies'.
..

August 12, 2009 2:45 am  
Blogger Gledwood said...

I love the church one. Hope all's good with you

;->...

August 12, 2009 6:55 am  
Blogger Bob said...

Hi Jeanette, Can I come and be your gardener for the next six months? I sure wish we were looking forward to the summer rather than the winter. Glad to hear bowls is starting again, that will be something to look forward too. Bob

August 12, 2009 7:02 am  
Blogger Gattina said...

Nice to hear from you that all is well. I have a wonderful time here at the English coast, and so far the weather seems to be good.

August 12, 2009 7:22 pm  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

Jen
I will avoid that movie. I like funny ones not tear jerker. Glad the bowls have started and soon your garden will be blooming away, while we begin fall and winter. Right now we are in what we southern call the dog days of August. HOt Hot and humid. Those jokes made me LOL. Thanks for sharing. Peace

August 14, 2009 11:32 pm  
Blogger Janice said...

I liked the joke but the riddle had me scrating my head.

Very nice punch line, lol.

Janice~

August 17, 2009 3:03 pm  
Blogger Marjorie said...

Hi Jeanette,

I hope the weather starts to warm up soon we are finally having lovely weather here on the Island it actually got up to 75f yesterday, hot for us. 25c I believe. The rest of Maine has had weather in the 90s but here on the water we never see temps that high.

My father used to belong to a lawn bowling club in Adelaide. I remember how handsome he looked in his white outfit. I actually carry a picture of him in my wallet wearing his lawn bowling clothes. He looks so happy and lively. I have one of his sweaters that he wore on cold days draped over my rocker in the bedroom.

The name of his club is Marryatville. I believe he was the treasurer there for many years.

Have fun!

August 18, 2009 8:34 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

G'day Dear Jan ~~ Thanks for the comments about the old photo - it is
nice to look back on old photos and
memories. Glad you liked the teddy on the swing and the "How to stay young." Take great care, my friend
and have a great birthday on
Friday 21st. Love always, Merle.

August 19, 2009 9:15 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

G'day Jeanette,
Reading your blog makes me think I might take up bowls some day, if it means having such a great social life!
The joke about the three women doing the S & M thing reminded me of my first marriage. Husband used to tell me not to waste money on sexy lingerie, I was nothing to look at, but I was a great cook and had a fun personality... do you wonder why I divorced him??

August 20, 2009 9:48 pm  
Anonymous 人妻 said...

Hな人妻たちの社交場、割り切った付き合いも当然OK!欲求不満のエロ人妻たちを好みに合わせてご紹介します。即会い、幼な妻、セレブ、熟女、SM妻、秘密、以上6つのジャンルから遊んでみたい女性を選んでください

November 28, 2009 11:44 pm  
Anonymous サイドビジネス said...

1日5万円~が手に入るサイドビジネスのご案内です。男狂いのセレブ女性はネットで知り合った男を次々に金の力で食い散らかしています。そんな女性を手玉にとって大金を稼いでみませんか

November 29, 2009 11:25 pm  
Anonymous Hチェッカー said...

みんなで楽しめるHチェッカー!簡単な設問に答えるだけであなたの隠されたH度数がわかっちゃいます!あの人のムッツリ度もバレちゃう診断を今すぐ試してみよう

November 30, 2009 11:23 pm  
Anonymous 家出 said...

最近流行の家出掲示板では、各地のネットカフェ等を泊り歩いている家出少女のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性の家にでもすぐに泊まりに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか

December 02, 2009 12:15 am  
Anonymous 高収入アルバイト said...

性欲を持て余し、欲求不満になっている女性を金銭の対価を得て、癒して差し上げるお仕事です。参加にあたり用紙、学歴等は一切問いません。高収入アルバイトに興味のある方はぜひどうぞ

December 03, 2009 12:12 am  
Anonymous 高級チェリー said...

童貞を奪ってみたい女性たちは、男性にとって「初体験」という一生に一度だけの、特別なイベントを共に心に刻み込むことを至上の喜びにしているのです。そんな童貞好きな女性たちと高級チェリーで最高のSEXをしてみませんか

December 04, 2009 12:07 am  
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December 04, 2009 2:07 am  

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