Happy St Patrick's Day

FOR THE GLORY OF IRELAND
Paddy the Englishman, Paddy the Irishman, Paddy the Scotsman, and Paddy the Welshman were all flying together in an airliner.
The captain announced that they were losing altitude rapidly and that one of them would have to jump out to save the others.
"I do this for the glory of Scotland," said Paddy the Scotsman and he jumped out.
"We need to lose more weight," said the captain, so Paddy the Welshman shouted, "I do this for the glory of Wales," and jumped out.
"Sorry," said the captain. "I'm afraid we need to lose the weight of just one more person."
"I do this for the glory of Ireland," said Paddy the Irishman and threw out Paddy the Englishman
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A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.
"Father, forgive me for I have sinned."
"You've Thinnned?"
"Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."
"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."
"Will that wash away me Thin?"
"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."

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Walking into the bar, 'Mike said to Charlie" the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one "- just had another fight with the little woman.

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"
When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.
'Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."*

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MIRACLES
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord!

He's done it again!"

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