Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Anyone for golf




Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror
as her ball headed
directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to
apologize. "Please allow me to
help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your
pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,"
the man replied. He was in obvious agony,
lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together
at his groin. At her persistence,
however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long
moments and asked, "How does that feel"?

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like
hell!"
~~~~~~~~~~~




Two Scots
Two Scots, Rabby and Angus are playing golf and come upon a water hole.Rabby tees up and hits it into the middle of the pond.He reaches into his bag to find that he is out of balls. He then asks Angus for a ball and proceeds to hit it into the pond as well. This goes on for 3 or 4 more times and when he asks Angus for yet another ball, Angus says."Rabby, theseball cost me a pretty penny,"Rabby replies "Och!, Angus if you cannee afford to play the game, ya shouldnee be out here"
~~~~~~~~~~

Hole In One
As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer.
At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar ord
. He took the usual vows of poverty,chastity, but his order also required that he quit golf and never play again.
This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest.
One Sunday morning, the Reverend Father Norton woke up and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
It was a 420 yard hole in one! St. Peter was astonished.
He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?
"The Lord smiled and replied,"Who is he going to tell?"

19 Comments:

Blogger Jim said...

Those were excellent golf jokes, at least one is a classic!
When Mrs. Jim was beginning with golf, during her first lesson, her ball hit a lady student in the mouth.
There wasn't any massaging to be done, they took the poor woman to the emergency room for several stitches and some tetnous shots.
..

March 09, 2007 1:00 am  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jeanette. Thanks for sharing this funny joke.

Just wanted to wish you Happy Women's Day! Take care!

March 09, 2007 3:27 am  
Blogger judypatooote said...

Very funny......A chuckle a day keeps the doctor away...at least thats what i heard.....lol

March 09, 2007 9:36 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Oh how I especially love that first one!! LOL Thanks so much for sharing those...I have a friend who's into golfing so I'll print those out and send them to him! hehe xox

March 09, 2007 10:47 am  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

:) Very funny jokes! I especially like that first one! haha

Junie

March 09, 2007 1:35 pm  
Blogger RUTH said...

I love these golf jokes! One of our younger grandchildren has a golf joke. "Why do golfers carry a spare sock with them? In case they get a "hole in one"! We have probably heard it 100 times but woe betide us if we don't laugh!

March 09, 2007 5:49 pm  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate ..
Thank god we play "BALLS" oops I
mean "BOWLS".
See you on sat xx

March 09, 2007 9:06 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ reat jokes. I liked the last one "Who is he going to tell"
I hope you have a lovely time with Joanne and family and maybe Carol too
I am sure you will all enjoy being together. Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

March 10, 2007 1:10 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

I've got to tell my boss that last one. that was so sly.

March 10, 2007 4:29 pm  
Blogger Raggedy said...

Hahahahahaha!
Thanks.
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

March 10, 2007 6:14 pm  
Blogger Sorlil said...

great jokes, the first really made me giggle!

March 10, 2007 8:08 pm  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi,

Ha ha, who's he gonna tell!

Good one!

Janice~

March 11, 2007 6:23 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

Just dropped by to see if there were some birds on your blog again. The Kookaburra still has a lot of success here, lol !

March 11, 2007 7:36 pm  
Blogger HORIZON said...

A clever post of the game of golf-lol Knew there had to be a Scot involved somewhere- :) Verry funny.
Bests

March 11, 2007 9:59 pm  
Blogger Peter said...

Big Al will be smiling down at those jokes Jan.

March 12, 2007 6:15 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ I bet you all had a great weekend together, but I do get the early night bit. Thanks for your visit and comments. I am about to do tonight's post, just after 9 pm.
Take care, Much love, Merle.

March 12, 2007 9:13 pm  
Blogger Val said...

Hope to get the photos with the ducks landing on the pool cover soon!
vforbes at netspace dot net dot au

March 13, 2007 12:00 pm  
Blogger Meow said...

Love the jokes ... particularly the first one !!
Hope your week is going well.
Take care, Meow

March 13, 2007 1:39 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi again Jan ~~ You have to think about a new post!! Thanks for your visit and glad you enjoyed the 57 cent and Going to bed. And I am glad
tat you went and bought a ruby ring, as promised. Alan's last gift to you.
Take care dear friend. Peter says he won't be here by Saturday to see our teams play in th G F. Just as well, I hate to see a grown man cry!!
Love, Merle.

March 14, 2007 3:32 pm  

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