Thursday, January 18, 2007

Stuttering cat

Stuttering Kitty.............



A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand.
I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories
could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and
the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and
before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
That must've been scary", said the teacher.
It sure was", said the little girl.
My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say
F**k," the rottweiler ate him!"




~~~~~~~~~~~



The Irish.

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and

get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two
stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!".
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"




~~~~~~~~~~~


Chicken LittleOne day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.



~~~~~~~~~~~~





Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?




~~~~~~~~~~~

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.


Labels:

17 Comments:

Blogger RUTH said...

Absolutely hilarious....I always know that if I want a cheer up call to drop in here!
Rx

January 19, 2007 1:37 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

Hadn't hear the cat and the rotty joke.

My rotty gave cats a wide berth. He was an unusual dog, though.
His veterinarian said that my Rotty was the nicest one he'd ever encountered.
(He could say ma-ma)

January 19, 2007 2:26 am  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

lol!!!
FUNNY-FUNNY-FUNNY!

(The CAT one, especially!)


Junie

January 19, 2007 4:32 am  
Blogger Peter said...

They were fookin' hilarious Jan.

January 19, 2007 11:33 am  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Nice to see a new post from you and the jokes were all good ones.
We have had another very humid day today and I guess you would too.
Glad you liked the On Line Friends poem -- it said it all didn't it?
Take care Jan, Love, Merle.

January 19, 2007 7:33 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

About the crayons, it's a very good interpretation we all should put that on our blogs especially for the fanatic once. I found a blog from a completely crazy Israeli who had put gun fire shots on his blog ! To kill arabs ! So if you read his post you are shot several times ! Unfortunately I don't remember anymore how I landed there. All commenters were crazy one more than the other !

January 19, 2007 10:16 pm  
Blogger PEA said...

LOL loved them all! That's so true about dogs not liking you to blow in their faces and yet they love sticking their heads out the window! Hugs xox

January 20, 2007 10:19 am  
Blogger Meow said...

Oh Jeanette, you sure do find some great jokes. Thanks so much for making me laugh once again.
Hope you are having a great weekend.
Take care, Meow

January 20, 2007 6:14 pm  
Blogger Sorlil said...

ha ha...and so true about the dog!

January 20, 2007 8:03 pm  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate.
Loved the jokes,talk about the luck of the Irish Hey!!
See you soon xx

January 20, 2007 11:20 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Thanks for your comments. True Love was a lovely story all right. It is trying to rain, but not having much luck . Our humidity was 91% so no wonder it felt steamy.
Thanks Jan for that lovely I Believe.
It is really lovely. Stay well and happy. Love, Merle.

January 21, 2007 12:28 am  
Blogger The Ramblin Irishman said...

Hi Jan,
Loved the cat and dog joke. You girls always make my day seem a little more cheerful.

January 21, 2007 10:36 am  
Blogger LittleJen said...

Hi mum,

cute jokes, cat one had to be the winner.

Lov Jo xoxoxo

January 21, 2007 4:16 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Hi Jeanette, Thanks for visiting me at Patra's Other Place. I'm so glad you did, otherwise I might never have found your blog, and I would have missed out on all those beaut jokes! I have a secret blog for my jokes (graphics) that I wouldn't DARE put on my usual blogs, so if you want to check them out, look for Topsy's Townhouse....enjoy!
With regard to your comment about my sewing basket, yes, I had the same problem with an open basket with my current projects - things fell to the bottom of it and I didn't find them for months!

January 21, 2007 11:28 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi again Jan ~~ Wow it actually
rained here last night and we got 20mm, so with 2 previous 2mm, alsmost an inch. Glad you liked the Greatest gifr of Love, and Moments of Life. There are some lovely stories out there. Thanks for that Can't eat one, only Chocolate. I have posted that one before. Stay well, Love, Merle.

PS Don't jump off a bridge, I would miss your e mail, but we is friends.

January 22, 2007 1:09 am  
Blogger Raggedy said...

I have all of these in my joke file somewhere on my computer. I have so many I couldn't find one if I tried.
These were really great ones.
I had a great big laugh all over again.
Thank you for posting them..still laughing here...
I like the gif's!

Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

January 22, 2007 4:18 pm  
Blogger UKBob said...

Ha ha - Thanks for the info about blowing in a dogs face, having seen the size of Tommy's teeth I think I will take your word for it. Bob.

January 24, 2007 9:30 pm  

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