Stuttering cat

Stuttering Kitty.............



A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand.
I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories
could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and
the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and
before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
That must've been scary", said the teacher.
It sure was", said the little girl.
My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say
F**k," the rottweiler ate him!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Irish.

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and
get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two
stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!".
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Chicken LittleOne day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

~~~~~~~~~~~

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.