A Few Jokes

A Complicated Order
A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and said, "I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it's runny, and the other so over cooked it's tough and hard to eat.
Also, grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, luke-warm."
"That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter.
"It might be quite difficult to prepare."
The guest replied, "Oh?
But that's what I got yesterday!"
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The Baptism
Before performing a baptism, the Priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step.
Are you prepared for it?""I think so," the man replied.
"My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that,"
The Priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply.
"I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
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Heaven

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "

Do you want to go to heaven?

"The man said, "I do, Father."The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall.

"Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?""Certainly, Father," was the man's reply."Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

"The priest said, "I don't believe this.

You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes.

I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."