Wednesday, March 28, 2007

CURTAIN RODS---- PRICELESS



She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and
feasted on a pound of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a
few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the
curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. Finally, they could not take the
stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could
not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase
a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she
were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the
moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE IRISH CANDLE
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met
up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and
didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father", and The Father said, "Well now,
I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer
husband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father", They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones?"
She replied, "Oh yes Father, three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in
all."
The Father said,"That's wonderful! How is yer loving husband doing?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle!"

.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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14 Comments:

Blogger JunieRose said...

lol- I just LOOOOVE happy endings!


Junie

March 31, 2007 5:02 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Now that's a happy ending if I've ever heard one!! LOL Loved both jokes, thank you so much for the laughs, Jan! hehe Have a wonderful weekend my friend...I'm off to the Sugar Bush:-) xox

March 31, 2007 9:05 am  
Blogger Margaret said...

Hi Jan I loved the happy ending as well. That candle must have been burning at both ends.
Cheers and Hugs Margaret

March 31, 2007 2:36 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Great jokes, I hadn't seen the second one before - darn candles!
Thanks for your visit, I also watched the Swimming and the football. Good to have it back. I see your team play
mine on Sunday. May the best team win, as they usually do. Hope it's the Blues. Take care, Love, Merle.

March 31, 2007 4:38 pm  
Blogger Peter said...

Hi Jan, those were classics just as funny when you hear them again.

March 31, 2007 8:45 pm  
Blogger Hootin'Anni said...

Oh what a hoot!!!! I love the curtain rod saga!!! I'm literally gigglin' on that one. Too funny.

Happy weekend.

March 31, 2007 10:12 pm  
Blogger GEWELS said...

Loved both of these. Thanks for a laugh

March 31, 2007 11:19 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Great stories especially the first one. It's like a sweet revenge of some sort. :) I love happy endings too.

Thanky you Jeanette for the kind and thoughtful words on my blog.

Take care!

April 01, 2007 3:00 am  
Blogger Anita said...

Hi Jeanette!

Just a short note to thank you for all your nice comments on my blog!

Your jokes are always funny! ;-))

By the way, what kind of weahter do you actually have in Down Under? You're heading into autumn, aren't you?

Have a great Sunday! We are going to have a great day in spring!

April 01, 2007 4:28 am  
Blogger Raggedy said...

Great jokes! I have read them before but it was wonderful to see them again.
Have a wonderful day!
Huggles and Love,
Raggedy

April 01, 2007 1:29 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

I've heard them before... but you told them so well.

Now that first one, I heard it was based on truth.

April 01, 2007 3:19 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Curtain rods....Hell hath no fury...

April 01, 2007 6:52 pm  
Blogger Val said...

Jeanette, thanks for the comment on my blogging meme. One day we may get to meet - you never know!

April 01, 2007 10:33 pm  
Blogger judypatooote said...

What a great idea she had.....LOL I have to say Poor X.....but I won't......cute story.....

April 04, 2007 9:31 am  

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