Monday, March 26, 2007

A FEW JOKES


Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances,and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?
" POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?
" POLE: "It made of concrete.
" LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?
" POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one.
" LAWYER : "I mean, What are your relations like?
" POLE: "All my relations still in Poland.
" LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
" POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player.
" LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?
" POLE: "No, I always up before her.
" LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?
" POLE: "No, she white.
" LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?
" POLE: "She going to kill me." LAWYER: "What makes you think that?
" POLE: "I got proof.
" LAWYER: "What kind of proof?
" POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'"

~~~~~~~~~~~
LITTLE JOHNNY
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices little Johnny next door.
Little Johnny is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The fireman says "Hey little boy. What are you doing?" Little Johnny says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look.
"Little boy, that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says little Johnny.
The fireman looks a little closer and notices little Johnny has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Son", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
Little Johnny says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

IRISH PADDY
Paddy was in "New York". He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy
street crossing.

The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted,
"Okay, pedestrians."
Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the
sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time,
Paddy went over to him and said,
"Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"*
~~~~~~~~~~
CHINESE PROVERBS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car gets exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick goes hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Labels:

15 Comments:

Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Some great jokes there.
It is good to have a laugh. Take care, Lve, Merle.

March 27, 2007 12:05 am  
Blogger RUTH said...

these are good ones...really funny...and once again new to me! take care
Rx

March 27, 2007 2:28 am  
Blogger Susie said...

You always make me smile!
:)

March 27, 2007 4:07 am  
Blogger PEA said...

"Polish Remover" ROFL...I love it! Oh Jan, where do you come up with these! lol Thank you so much for sharing them with us...that little Johnny sure does have an answer for everything, doesn't he! hehe xoxo

March 27, 2007 7:11 am  
Blogger Raggedy said...

That first one on the divorce keeps changing. The first time I heard it was about 20 years ago and it was a Norwegian seeking divorce. I love the nail polish part on this one...lmao
Great post!
Huggles and Love,
Raggedy

March 27, 2007 9:15 am  
Blogger Val said...

Those Chinese proverbs - what a scream!

March 27, 2007 9:40 am  
Anonymous Allotment Lady said...

Thank your a good laugh - and I really did enjoy shoes in church.

March 27, 2007 5:09 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi again Jan ~~ Thanks for your visit
The picture didn't post for me, sorry. Glad you enjoyed the others.
The pic was of about 5 little girls holding hands on a beach.
Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.
Hoping to hear from Peter tonight.

March 27, 2007 6:37 pm  
Blogger HORIZON said...

lol- where do you get these jokes?
Loved the Polish one :) too funny.
Think your old wheel barrow below is just fantastic Jen! l have an old wheel of an old barrow but just not the same- sigh..
Bests and keep well x

March 27, 2007 9:12 pm  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

Hi Jan,

Love the jokes! :) Especially loved thaat Polish joke! :)


Junie

March 27, 2007 11:36 pm  
Blogger CONNIE'S THOUGHTS FROM THE HEART said...

A good laugh for a cloudy day, Thanks. This is my first visit here , I believe. It was fun. connie from Texas

March 28, 2007 2:15 am  
Blogger The Ramblin Irishman said...

Hi Jen,
I have missed your blogs so much while I have been gone. Just one read and I am back laughing. Thank you so much for bringing laughter into my life.

March 28, 2007 8:48 am  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate..
Those jokes gave me heaps of laughs
you are getting very clever.
See you soon.xx

March 28, 2007 11:53 pm  
Blogger Hootin'Anni said...

Another one:

Chinese proverb---

Man who fly upside down have big crack-up!!

March 31, 2007 10:16 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

Ha,ha ha ! Just had time to read the jokes ! BTW do you know why so many americans have the name TONY ?
It's because when they were on Ellis Island and were asked where do you want to go, they answered "To New York" and the guy put on the papers To NY !

April 01, 2007 2:57 am  

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