A FEW JOKES

Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances,and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?
" POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?
" POLE: "It made of concrete.
" LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?
" POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one.
" LAWYER : "I mean, What are your relations like?
" POLE: "All my relations still in Poland.
" LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
" POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player.
" LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?
" POLE: "No, I always up before her.
" LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?
" POLE: "No, she white.
" LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?
" POLE: "She going to kill me." LAWYER: "What makes you think that?
" POLE: "I got proof.
" LAWYER: "What kind of proof?
" POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'"
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LITTLE JOHNNY
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices little Johnny next door.
Little Johnny is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The fireman says "Hey little boy. What are you doing?" Little Johnny says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look.
"Little boy, that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says little Johnny.
The fireman looks a little closer and notices little Johnny has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Son", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
Little Johnny says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
IRISH PADDY
Paddy was in "New York". He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy
street crossing.

The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted,
"Okay, pedestrians."

Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the
sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time,

Paddy went over to him and said,

"Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"*

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CHINESE PROVERBS
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Man who run in front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind car gets exhausted.
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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
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Man with one chopstick goes hungry.
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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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