Grandma's Apron

UPDATE
New fires threaten Victoria
The foothills of the Dandenong Ranges are the new fire front in Victoria, closer to Melbourne than the Black Saturday fires.

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G'day everyone, I hope your all well and healthy were ever you maybe .
. Im well.Just been doing the normal home duties, a little gardening ,and resting my foot. . and just trying to stay cool.. the Temps are on the rise again

The History of 'APRONS'

I don't think our kids know what an apron is.

The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath,because she only had a few,it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and they used less material, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.

nd when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.

Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables.

After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.

In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees

.When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that

' old-time apron' that served so many purposes

Aprons.REMEMBER:

Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.

Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.

They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron.

I don't think I ever caught anything from an apron.

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NO Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...

V

V
V
V

What were you
thinking?
Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!

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The Ballerina
heard this one the other day:

A husky brawny woman wearing a pink sleeveless frilly sun top walks into a bar.

She raised her right arm revealing a very hairy armpit and yelled:

"Who will buy a lady a drink?"

All become silent in the bar until a skinny little Irish drunk at the end of the bar says, "Bartender!

I'll buy that ballerina a drink!"

The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down.

After she's finished she raises her arm once again and yells

"Who will buy a lady a drink? "

Once more, the bar grew silent as everyone tried to not look her way

.Once more the drunk declared:

"Bartender!

I' ll buy the ballerina a beer!"

This went on for several more rounds when the bartender leans into the Irishman and says:

"It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her the ballerina?" The drunk replied, "Sir! In my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

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TWO OLDIES.
Two old men decided they are close to their last days and decide to have the last night on the town.

After a few drinks ,they end up at the local brothel .

0The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager go upto the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll into each bed.

These two are so old and drunk im not wasting two of my girls on them they wont know the difference. The manager does as he is told and the old men go upstairs and take care of their business .

As they are walking home the first man says,"you know"I think my girl was dead !"DEAD"says his friend . Why do you say that ?

Well! she never moved or made a noise all the time I was loving her .

His friend said "could be worse I think mine was a witch. "A WITCH"?

Why the bloody hell would you say that ?

Well i was making love to her ,kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite .

Then she farted and flew out the bloody window .......

Took my teeth with her.

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KIDS

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a lollipop and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: 'There's a car being towed from the parking lot', he shouted. 'An Ambulance just drove by.' 'Looks like the Anderson 's have company', he called out. 'Matt's riding a new bike....' 'Looks like the Sanders are moving' 'Jason is on his skate board....'
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!' Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out,

'How do you know they are having sex?'
" Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a lollipop."

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William Shakespeare:
Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil;

With them forgive yourself.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox:
The truest greatness lies in being kind

the truest wisdom in a happy mind.

George Bernard Shaw:
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past,

but by the responsibility for our future.

Helen Keller:
I do not want the peace that passeth understanding.

I want the understanding which bringeth peace.

Mark Twain:
The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people.