Laugh along with me

Gday everyone, I hope your all well and healthy were ever you maybe . Im very well.
Not a lot to report. .Just been doing the normal home duties, a little gardening ,and played social bowls last week. and just trying to stay cool.. Not looking forward to pennant Tuesday we travel to Wangaratta to play and the forecast is low 40cs.thats about 104f+ we play till the temp reaches 37c then heat rule comes in play the game is stopped...then we go in for lunch before boarding the Club bus for home . thats all folk .
Now on with a few jokes ..

Gentleman Golfer
A fellow was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first two holes.
The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, and while counting his $80.00, he confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he is the Parish Priest. The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them..."

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LEAVING THE OFFICE EARLY

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.

One day the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.

After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early??

The brunette was thrilled to be home early.

She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in quick workout at the spa before meeting dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss!!

Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them .

"No way", the blonde exclaimed.

"I almost got caught yesterday!"

~~~~~`

Swearing
A 7 year old & a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.'

You know what?' says the 7 year old,

'I think it's about time we started swearing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 7 year old says 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, ok?

'Ok' the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.'Oh sh*t mum, I s'pose I'll have some Coco Pops'

WHACK!!

He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor,got up, & ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old & asked with a stern voice,'And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers,

'but it won't be *f**king Coco Pops!'.

~~~~~~~~~

ITALIAN GRANDMA'S ADVICE

A young Italian girl was going on a date.

Her Nonna said:
"Sita here ana letame tella you about those-a younga boys. He's agonna try ana kiss you,
you are agonna likea dat, but don't let him do that.
He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too,
but don'ta let him do that.

But most important,
he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna likea dat, but don'ta let him do that.
Doing thata willa disgraca the family.With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: "Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!

"Nonna fainted
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DR, DR.

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant. 'Murphy,

I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic.

I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'. 'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks:

'So,Murphy, how was your day?'

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.'The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.' 'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir' says Murphy.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this . . . and what about the third one?' asks the doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does.

Like bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts:

'HELP ME

for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!''
'Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes.'

~~~~~~~

Remember:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing.