Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Time for some Laughter

Gday Everyone, Hope your all well were ever you maybe..
,I went to doctors for my 3 monthly checkup.
and a sore foot . got a good report. But done some ligament damage to my foot so its stapped up just have to rest it..
This fibre glass bowls Cow is at the entrance the Shepparton Park Bowling Club
.
Today I went with Bowlers from our Club as spectators
to the Australian Open bowls championships held in Shepparton ..
Were bowlers from all over Australia came to compete. There was also competitors from new Zealand and Ireland .. OHHH we saw some good bowling today. The Finals are telivised live Saturday so will watch that from my lounge room chair.....
Sorry Merle couldn't call in we had a bus load..
.
Now on with a few Jokes

Poor Paddy


Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.
The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.
Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got da fingers.'
'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?
Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2007!
We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?'
And Paddy said, ' How da fock was I 'spose to pick them up !!!

*********

Little boy on the Bus

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.
'The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.
'The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.
'The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!
'The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.
*********
Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes The Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle It under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole Line is backing up, putting the entire production line Behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for Himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there Are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're Really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains Of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece Of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to Carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you Yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

*********

GOLF LESSONS

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee, whileAnother foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tees.
The ladies are taking their time.
When the final lady isReady to hit off, she hacks the ball ten feet, she goes over and whiffs it completely.then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically,"I guess all those f****** lessons I took over the winter didn't help.
"One of the men immediately responds,
"Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf Lessons instead!
"He never even had a chance to duck.

~~~~~~

The love story of Ralph and Edna...

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past
the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied,
'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?
~~~~~~~~

Thats all folk I promise to get around to visiting you all in the next couple of days..

Labels:

19 Comments:

Blogger Gramma Ann said...

G'day Jen,

Sorry to hear you are having foot problems. But, watching the bowling at home will give it a rest.

As always you put a smile on my face and some chuckles to get my day started.

Have a fun week-end!

Ann

February 19, 2009 2:13 am  
Blogger Gledwood said...

I don't know if you've even heard of the "new town" named Milton Keynes somewhere like 80 miles outside London, near Oxford or somewhere like that... but THEY had fibreglass black-&-white cows famously placed in the fields outside there to add a pastoral ambience that wasn't otherwise there...

February 19, 2009 2:34 am  
Blogger Susie said...

Hi Jen,
So sorry to hear about your foot problems, I truly understand how uncomfortable that can be.
Glad to hear you've had a bit of fun and thanks for brightening our day with some jokes. Loved the little boy and the collar!!
xo

February 19, 2009 3:15 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jen, keep that foot elevated! At first I thought this cow was going to be your bowling trophy.

I am glad your fires have subsided but our TVs are showing flooding now. Is that widespread?

I have had my finger put back into joint in one of Ireland's emergency rooms. This one was fine. They also bandaged me up so I could get back to the states. I'd a put my fingers in a paper sack.
..

February 19, 2009 4:02 am  
Blogger bigbikerbob said...

Hi Jen, Another good post, loved the little boy on a bus joke, keep well. Bob

February 19, 2009 9:34 pm  
Blogger Hootin' Anni said...

G'day Jen!!!

I'm wondering now if maybe our ESPN channels...we have three or four on cable here, if perhaps they'll show your tournament? I'll check the TV guide.

LOVE the Irish fingerless joke. That was great. Of course, I love laughter...anytime, any place!!

Have a great weekend yourself; it's always a pleasure having you visit.

And as for your previous post, I'm sure glad to hear that they found the guy [or one of them] that started the fire...he should be hung by a rope. I feel a lynching coming on!!! He killed so many, and destroyed so many things...and lives!!!! Praise be that soon it'll be done burning. Wonderful to know so much help and monetary assistance is at hand.

February 19, 2009 11:22 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

One of my neighbors has such a cow in his front garden ! Apparently it was very expensive and is art work. I honnestly would prefer a real cow.
My day became much better, lol !

February 20, 2009 12:56 am  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

Jen
Those liagments take a while to heal so be patience. Neat cow and the jokes hilarious. Peace

February 20, 2009 9:27 am  
Blogger raccoonlover1963 said...

Hi Jen.
Those jokes are just too funny! I needed a good laugh.
Take care
Lisa

February 20, 2009 5:24 pm  
Blogger Peter said...

G'day Jan, those golf lessons didn't do much f****** good did they.

February 20, 2009 11:45 pm  
Blogger Reader Wil said...

G'day,g'day Jen! I bet you enjoyed yourself going to that bowling tournament, but I am sorry to hear about your foot problems. The jokes are priceless! Especially the one about the little boy in the bus.

February 21, 2009 2:22 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Hello dear Jen:-)

Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that you've hurt your foot, make sure you don't overdo it and let it rest so that it will heal properly!! Dr. Pea's orders!!! hehe

Love that cow, what an unusual way to advertise the Australian Open! lol I know how exciting it is to watch good bowling:-)

Oh my, I'm still giggling over the jokes, thank you for the laughs:-) xoxo

February 21, 2009 11:03 am  
Blogger Merle said...

Dear Jan ~~ I hope your foot heals quickly for you. Were you playing in or just watching the Bowls Open Day.
(I would watch if you were in the program.) I had my share of Sport last night with Carlton easily beating Nth. Melb. Loved the jokes - I liked Ralph and Edna in the mental home best. I won't be shopping and cooking again the same day as it really knocked me and all the upset of the fires saw me getting behind so I am trying to catch up. Take care of that foot dear Jan and enjoy the Bowls.
Love, Merle.

February 21, 2009 1:35 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Now what have you been up to to hurt your foot, Jen. You weren't dancing on the tables were you?? Lol.

Loved that last joke, too. Take care and I hope the air has cleared for you and you're now breathing oxygen rather than smoke.

Hugs.

February 21, 2009 8:50 pm  
Blogger Charlotte said...

Hi Jen,
We had company for several days so I got behind with my visiting and commenting.
Your jokes are always so funny.
I used to bowl. I wonder if bowling means the same thing there as it does here. I know football is different some places. I don't know about bowling.
Have a great week.
Charlotte

February 23, 2009 6:38 am  
Blogger Winifred said...

Take care of your foot, keep it rested. You'll have to give up the gymnastics and the disco dancing!

Thanks for the laughs!

February 23, 2009 11:10 am  
Blogger Janice said...

Good jokes.

I hope your foot heal up soon.

Janice~

February 23, 2009 3:06 pm  
Blogger meggie said...

So glad your health check was good, now to get your foot healed up!!
Hugs, xx

February 23, 2009 7:21 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

I'm happy that the results were favorable.

Hope your sore foot is much better now. Take care.

March 01, 2009 1:31 am  

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