Wednesday, July 23, 2008

2 Drops of water

Hi everyone,Hope your all well were ever you maybe.
.Not a lot to report today,had a quiet few days ,Monday rest day after a busy weekend Tuesday went shopping then called into my Sisters Had a cuppa and a chat Wednesday pottered around the back yard for a couple hours, then when Gwen called in was time to down tools , put the kettle on for a cuppa, and a chat. Tomorrow Thursday Im off to play carpet bowls.
Now on with a few jokes.
Two drops of water]

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..
.'The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me.'as the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.
'The old woman says, 'Thank you.
Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water.
''Coming up,' says the bartender as she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.
'The old woman says, 'Thank you.
Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.
''Coming right up,' the bartender says
.As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying Of curiosity.
Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?
'The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.
''OLD' IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,'Pick one; I can't do Both!
''OLD' IS WHEN...Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.'
OLD' IS WHEN... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door,
'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down By the doctor instead of by the police
'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.
'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are not sure these are Jokes?
~~~~~~~~~~
Seeing-eye Pilots

Passengers on a plane are waiting for the flight to leave.
The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilot uniforms.
Both are wearing dark glasses.
One is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start.
The passengers begin glancing nervously, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke.
None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport.
As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, screams of panic fill the cabin. But at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die."
~~~~~~~~

Two blondes were nailing shingles onto the roof.
The second blonde noticed the first one was throwing almost half her nails away, down to the ground.
She asked of the first why she was throwing so many away.
The first blonde replied that so many of them were turned wrong, away from the roof rather than towards it.
"Silly," retorted the second blonde, '
"why aren't you saving them for the other side?"

~~~~~~

A cat died and went to Heaven.

God met her at the gates and said, 'You have been a good cat all these years.

Anything you want is yours for the asking.

The cat thought for a minute and then said, 'All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors.

I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.'God said, 'Say no more.'

Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together.

God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.

The mice said, 'Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we c ould just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.'

God answered, 'It is done.' All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat.

He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.

God gently awakened the cat and asked, 'Is everything okay?

How have you been doing?

Are you happy?'

The cat replied, 'Oh, it is WONDERFUL.

I have never been so happy in my life.

The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious

~~~~~~

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right.

Love the ones who don't just because you can.

Believe everything happens for a reason.

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.

If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly.

Forgive quickly.

;God never said life would be easy.

He just promised it would be worth it.

~~~~

Thats all folk Cheers \_/ \_/ \_/

Labels:

21 Comments:

Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Sounds like you've had a good week so far...it's good when that happens, isn't it.

Thanks for the jokes...I love a good laugh.

July 23, 2008 8:25 pm  
Blogger Peggy said...

love the blonde roofing joke!!!

July 23, 2008 9:01 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Beautiful quotes. We don't always have second chances so it's best to embrace them when they come. Forgiveness is not always easy but it certainly removes a heavy load when you do.

July 24, 2008 1:48 am  
Blogger raccoonlover1963 said...

Great post, as usual. Very funny.
Lisa

July 24, 2008 5:08 am  
OpenID mjgolch said...

great jokes. hugs and Blessings-Mike golch said that.

July 24, 2008 5:11 am  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

LOL those were really funny. Peace

July 25, 2008 12:21 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Heyyyy, I resemble that blonde joke you know! hehe Oh Jen, these were all hilarious, I'm still giggling at the "OLD is when...", the sad part is they're all so true! lol I wish I could drop in on you and have a cuppa...a bit of a long drive though! lol xoxo

July 25, 2008 5:07 am  
Blogger Ruthie said...

Thanks for stopping by. Seems funny that you are having cold weather and we are having very a very hot summer with weather in the high 90's. :)

July 25, 2008 7:24 am  
Blogger Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

You can't beat a quiet week sometimes...love the pilot joke...take care

July 25, 2008 10:56 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jeanette -- Guess I'm getting a little bit old. Some of those fit me. :-)

In fact I can relate to most of your post tonight!
Cheers,
..

July 25, 2008 2:34 pm  
Blogger Diane@Diane's Place said...

LOL at the jokes, Jen! ;o)

Hope all is well with you and yours. Have a great weekend!

Love and hugs,

Diane

July 25, 2008 3:32 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Dear Jan ~~ Great post and I liked
your blind pilot joke!! and the others. Glad you have had a restful week, we all need that at times.
Jim was right about our blogger friends not being strangers. You know
when we first met Connie ~ we had seen her photos and read her blog and we felt we knew her already.
I am sure thankful for my electric blanket these cold nights, but we have had some nice days after frosts.
Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

July 25, 2008 5:03 pm  
Blogger UKBob said...

Hi Jeanette, I hope the bowls went ok for you. BoB

July 25, 2008 10:05 pm  
Blogger Hootin' Anni said...

Hi Jen!! Sounds like you had a good week, and a relaxing week. I'd love to have been there with y'all for the 'chat time'.

And the jokes? OMGoodness girl, that is sooooooooo me "Old is when". Loved it.

Hope your weekend is super.

July 26, 2008 12:14 am  
Blogger Renae said...

LOL !! Nothing like some good laughs for my friday at work :-)Cheers !!

July 26, 2008 8:28 am  
Blogger Susie said...

Hi Jen,
Great jokes today, but I loved the mice on roller skates the best!
See you next time!
xo

July 27, 2008 12:46 pm  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi Jeanette,

Meal on wheels, LMAO.

Cute.

Janice~

July 28, 2008 4:49 pm  
Blogger Alice said...

I'm such a bad joke teller but I want to remember these to tell to some friends I'm meeting tomorrow.

July 28, 2008 10:48 pm  
Blogger meggie said...

Oh yes! A few laughs can brighten a day!! LOL!

July 29, 2008 6:45 pm  
Blogger smilnsigh said...

This is an "Off Topic Comment" but...I seem to have lost my knack for posting/commenting in 'Blog Land,' for a while. All I do lately, is put up a few photos, here and there. I didn't plan on it... It just happened.

And since I don't want anyone to think I got *uppity* or anything, :-) I'm leaving this comment, to explain my absence.

I'm sure to be back in not too long. Can't keep a "Chatty Person" quiet, for too long. :-)

Miss Mari-Nanci

July 30, 2008 6:08 am  
Blogger Kathi~Lavender, Lace and Thyme said...

Hello Jen!

I always know I can get a huge laugh when I stop by for a visit! Thanks for making my day!

Cheers!
Kathi :)

August 01, 2008 11:18 am  

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