Hi everyone,Hope your all well were ever you maybe.
.Not a lot to report today,had a quiet few days ,Monday rest day after a busy weekend Tuesday went shopping then called into my Sisters Had a cuppa and a chat Wednesday pottered around the back yard for a couple hours, then when Gwen called in was time to down tools , put the kettle on for a cuppa, and a chat. Tomorrow Thursday Im off to play carpet bowls.
Now on with a few jokes.
Two drops of water]
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..
.'The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me.'as the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.
'The old woman says, 'Thank you.
Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water.
''Coming up,' says the bartender as she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.
'The old woman says, 'Thank you.
Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.
''Coming right up,' the bartender says
.As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying Of curiosity.
Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?
'The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.
''OLD' IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,'Pick one; I can't do Both!
''OLD' IS WHEN...Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.'
OLD' IS WHEN... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door,
'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down By the doctor instead of by the police
'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.
'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are not sure these are Jokes?
Passengers on a plane are waiting for the flight to leave.
The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilot uniforms.
Both are wearing dark glasses.
One is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start.
The passengers begin glancing nervously, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke.
None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport.
As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, screams of panic fill the cabin. But at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die."
Two blondes were nailing shingles onto the roof.
The second blonde noticed the first one was throwing almost half her nails away, down to the ground.
She asked of the first why she was throwing so many away.
The first blonde replied that so many of them were turned wrong, away from the roof rather than towards it.
"Silly," retorted the second blonde, '
"why aren't you saving them for the other side?"
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met her at the gates and said, 'You have been a good cat all these years.
Anything you want is yours for the asking.
The cat thought for a minute and then said, 'All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors.
I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.'God said, 'Say no more.'
Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together.
God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said, 'Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we c ould just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.'
God answered, 'It is done.' All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat.
He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.
God gently awakened the cat and asked, 'Is everything okay?
How have you been doing?
Are you happy?'
The cat replied, 'Oh, it is WONDERFUL.
I have never been so happy in my life.
The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly.
;God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.
Thats all folk Cheers \_/ \_/ \_/