Wednesday, October 31, 2007

My computers Back

Hi Everybody! Hope your all well were ever you maybe. My computer arrived back late today by courier so ive spent most of the evening adding my programs,and tomorrow after bowls, I will try to add and resize the photo's I have taken in the garden and a few others I have on the camera, so will start posting them in a few days. And I will be getting around to visit you all once again. Its just after Midnight so im off to bed.

Ill leave with a few more Jokes .
Sunday Church
Would our Elders go for this?

Good morning, To encourage both the faithful and unfaithful to attend church this year, every Sunday will be a "No Excuse Sunday" and the following will be provided:
Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep."Murine will be available for those with tired eyes--from watching TV too late on Saturday night.
There will be steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever went to church."
Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.

We will have hearing aids for those who say, "The minister speaks too softly" and cotton for those who say, "The preacher's too loud."

Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sundays.

There will be TV dinners for those who can't go to church and cook dinner also.

One section of the church will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.

Finally, the church will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen it without them. Don’t you love this idea?? (especially the last one!)

Funny Cat Story - and you don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one.
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eave party.
We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered out
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and we opened the door to leave the house. The cat we had
put out in the backyard scooted back into the house.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat
the bird.
My wife went out to the taxi while I went inside to get the cat. The cat
run upstairs with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house
would be empty for the night . . .
So, she explained to the driver that I would be out soon, "He's just going
upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", I said as
we drove away.
"That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat
hanger to get her to come out!
She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap
her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me, but it worked
. . . . And then I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out in the
The driver hit a parked car .


A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she
was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large
sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she
stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support
until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep
it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write
"Spaghetti"on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments
to begin! .

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white,
and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with
meatballs, one without."


The phone rings, and the lady of the house answers,
"Hello."“Mrs. Ward, please.""Speaking.""Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical
Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your
husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy
from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we
are now uncertain as to which one is your
husband's. Frankly, the results are either bad or
terrible.""What do you mean?", Mrs. Ward asks nervously."Well, one of the specimens tested positive for
Alzheimer's disease, and the other one tested
positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's.""That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?",
questioned Mrs. Ward."Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for
these expensive tests one time.""Well, what am I supposed to do now?""The people at Medicare recommend that you
drop your husband off somewhere in the middle
of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep
with him."



Blogger bigbikerbob said...

Hi again,great to see you back on line.I really enjoy the pics and jokes.

October 31, 2007 3:16 am  
Blogger The Ramblin Irishman said...

I agree, it is good to have you back on line. You Australian ladies keep me laughing.

October 31, 2007 3:47 am  
Blogger Peter said...

Hi Jan, it will be good to see you back to normal soon,I'll be home from Perth Thursday pm, Alan's party was a complete surprise to him and it all went very well.

October 31, 2007 12:20 pm  
Blogger meggie said...

Hi, It is good to see you back, & glad your computer worries are behind you!!
Thank you for you kind wishes too!

October 31, 2007 5:08 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Dear Jan ~~ At Last !!! Finally, your
computer is back, and you are back with us. Looking forward to the photos. Good jokes today.
Thanks for your comments and glad you enjoyed the pictures and the jokes.
Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

October 31, 2007 5:58 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

an excuse for a party!!!! The computer is back.

That last joke was bad bad bad bad... so I laughed laughed laughed laughed.
oh dear.

October 31, 2007 6:26 pm  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

Great post. I must copy the cat and Church one for my sister. She refuses to go near a computer. Silly girl.

I am also looking forward to the pictures you will share with us.


November 01, 2007 12:33 am  
Blogger Gattina said...

Oh, finally you got your computer back !! It lasted a long time ! You must be happy now. Here in Belgium only very few people go to church and mostly the eldest once. The country is 100 % catholic and the service rather boring so people are christians but don't like the church (understandable) I am protestant and there is no church here. That's as simple as that. I don't miss any either. It's just not the use to go to church on a sunday.
Halloween is not celebrated either in European countries except in the UK and in Ireland (where it comes from) so I had just some virtual fun !

November 01, 2007 1:20 am  
Anonymous Donna~K said...

I'm glad you computer is back. I've been checking in on your page. LOL @Sunday Church. Very funny jokes. :)

November 01, 2007 1:43 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Glad to hear you finally have the PC back. I reckon after all that time I would have gone and bought a lap top to tide me over!
Did you get that link I sent you, of the website on Senior's Humour? It's a must see, trust me!

November 01, 2007 2:30 pm  
Blogger Susie said...

So glad you're computer is back!
Enjoyed all your jokes!
Happy Halloween!

November 01, 2007 3:59 pm  
Blogger UKBob said...

Yippee!! I'm really pleased to hear that, it isn't nice being computerless. Bob.

November 01, 2007 7:14 pm  

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