My computers Back

Hi Everybody! Hope your all well were ever you maybe. My computer arrived back late today by courier so ive spent most of the evening adding my programs,and tomorrow after bowls, I will try to add and resize the photo's I have taken in the garden and a few others I have on the camera, so will start posting them in a few days. And I will be getting around to visit you all once again. Its just after Midnight so im off to bed.

Ill leave with a few more Jokes .
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Sunday Church
Would our Elders go for this?

Good morning, To encourage both the faithful and unfaithful to attend church this year, every Sunday will be a "No Excuse Sunday" and the following will be provided:
Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep."Murine will be available for those with tired eyes--from watching TV too late on Saturday night.
There will be steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever went to church."
Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.

We will have hearing aids for those who say, "The minister speaks too softly" and cotton for those who say, "The preacher's too loud."

Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sundays.

There will be TV dinners for those who can't go to church and cook dinner also.

One section of the church will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.

Finally, the church will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen it without them. Don’t you love this idea?? (especially the last one!)
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FUNNY STORY
Funny Cat Story - and you don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one.
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eave party.
We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered out
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and we opened the door to leave the house. The cat we had
put out in the backyard scooted back into the house.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat
the bird.
My wife went out to the taxi while I went inside to get the cat. The cat
run upstairs with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house
would be empty for the night . . .
So, she explained to the driver that I would be out soon, "He's just going
upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", I said as
we drove away.
"That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat
hanger to get her to come out!
She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap
her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me, but it worked
. . . . And then I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out in the
backyard."
The driver hit a parked car .

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SPAGHETTI
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several
years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she
was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large
sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she
stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support
until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep
it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write
"Spaghetti"on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments
to begin! .

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white,
and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with
meatballs, one without."

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The phone rings, and the lady of the house answers,
"Hello."“Mrs. Ward, please.""Speaking.""Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical
Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your
husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy
from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we
are now uncertain as to which one is your
husband's. Frankly, the results are either bad or
terrible.""What do you mean?", Mrs. Ward asks nervously."Well, one of the specimens tested positive for
Alzheimer's disease, and the other one tested
positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's.""That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?",
questioned Mrs. Ward."Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for
these expensive tests one time.""Well, what am I supposed to do now?""The people at Medicare recommend that you
drop your husband off somewhere in the middle
of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep
with him."