Friday, August 24, 2007

Houdini

Hi everyone, Hope this finds you well where ever you maybe. I spent a little time pottering around outside today, the weather was too nice to be indoors , and another nice day forecast tomorrow, I will spend the day in the garden as I have few plants that need repotting.
Just a few jokes tonight.


Bull
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull crap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOUDINI
A traveling salesman stops at a hillbilly farmhouse to sell some wares. While he's there a fierce storm comes up, and the farmer invites him to spend the night.
However, as there wasn't a spare bedroom. The salesman would have to sleep in the same room as the farmer's daughter, on the condition that if any hanky-panky went on and if the daughter got pregnant, the salesman would have to marry her.
The salesman eyes the daughter, who has the body of a goddess but the head of a fish, and figures out that he's being set up for a shotgun wedding. But he didn't want to brave the night's storm, so he agreed to the farmer's terms.
The next morning, the family is sitting around the breakfast table. The father asks the daughter, "Did he do it last night, girl?"
"Sure did, Pa."
"Excellent!" says the father. "If it's a boy, we'll call him Jed." "And if it's a girl," says the mother, "we'll call her Mae."
About that time the salesman came into the room holding a condom and grinning. "Well," he says, "if the little bastard gets out of this, we'll call him Houdini.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE FIRE DOG
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be."They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster."No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FBI Canine
A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "you'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. "Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time. "There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To end with a few old saying's
A big tree attracts the gale. - Chinese (on pride)

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. - Latin Proverb

A beautiful thing is never perfect. - Egyptian (on beauty)

A blind person who sees is better than a seeing person who is blind. - Iranian (on wisdom)

A body makes his own luck, be it good or bad. - unknown

A brother may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

A burden that one chooses is not felt. - Italian (on self-reliance)

A carpenter is known by his chips. - Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)

A cat in gloves catches no mice. - 14th Century French Proverb

A chain is no stronger than its weakest link. - Sir Leslie Stephen (1832-1904)

Labels:

17 Comments:

Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Thanks for those jokes - good ones = I think the saleman wins
Wasn't it funny me giving Peter's tiles to Keith? Thanks for your comments about the Father Christmas
story. Lucky you being at Alice Springs and that mall. Bet it was hot. Take care, dear friend, Love, Merle.

August 26, 2007 1:29 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jeanette -- I've been absent for a while because of my semi-retirement from blogging. Writing (mostly just the one blog now) and reading have been cut way back.
What else is there about blogging, anyway?

I liked your garden tour, you might not like Cut And Shoot, although it is in the edge of the East Texas Piney Woods.

And I sent your dog sayings to my friend who sends me jokes. Hope that was ok with you?
..

August 26, 2007 4:08 am  
Blogger Gattina said...

"A brother may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother" That is so true !! When I see the mess some of my friends have with their siblings especially when it comes to heritages, I am happy to be an only child !
Thanks for the comment and the story about your mother. She really was amazing ! but how is it possible to die with a breast cancer at 94 ! that's really very sad ! She could have made 100 at least.

August 26, 2007 12:58 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Jen, loved the Houdini joke...heheh!

How's the rain situation in your neck of the woods? Today has been a lovely fine day and it was great to open all doors and windows and let fresh air in after more than a week of rain.

Take care.

August 26, 2007 5:10 pm  
Blogger Val said...

The weather has been lovely lately, although now they're saying we haven't had enough rain to end the drought. I think it's very selfish of Peter to keep all that rain up there in Queensland.

Good Tiger win over the Bombers, wish we could have done that last week.

August 26, 2007 9:06 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi again Jan ~~ I agree with Val, Peter should send some of that rain our way. Glad Richmond had a win.
Thanks for your comments and glad you liked the Parachute story, and the camel joke. Yuk. The photo of Mum was a long time ago, but I don't colour
mine. I sent you a card today, late, but I had bought it for you. Take
care my friend, Love, Merle.
Having a night off tonight.

August 26, 2007 11:59 pm  
Blogger Peter said...

Hi Jan, if the proposed Traveston Crossing Dam had been built the rain last week would have half filled it!!!!
The wattles at this time of year are beautiful aren't they. no need to wait for Spring.

August 27, 2007 12:10 am  
Blogger Sonia said...

Just dropping by to say hello and wishing you enjoy your garden! Have a lovely Sunday!

August 27, 2007 1:16 am  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jeanette. Hope you're doing well. We had a long weekend but it's over now. Looking forward to a good week ahead. Wishing you all the best. Take care!

August 27, 2007 7:55 pm  
Blogger Hootin'Anni said...

Hi!! Well, I'm certainly glad your daughter made the blog for you so you could learn....how else would I have 'met' you!!

I love the Houdini! Too funny.

And Spring, huh? I wish summer was leaving US here in the states...it's been so hot, wet and soggy this season...I'm READY for Autumn.

August 27, 2007 11:01 pm  
Blogger Gledwood said...

RE your 1st story... what keeps bull****ters at the top is sheer dictatorial viciousness. unfortunately

August 28, 2007 1:15 am  
Anonymous Allotment Lady said...

Goodness only knows where you find all these jokes - you sure have me laughing

August 28, 2007 3:27 am  
Blogger Alice said...

Thanks for my laughs of the day!

August 28, 2007 6:56 am  
Blogger Sorlil said...

Hiya, great jokes as usual and I love the sayings!

August 28, 2007 8:12 am  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Ditto to the above - love the jokes! I think I liked the houdini one best too...Thanks for dropping by Patra's place and commenting on my linen - always pleased to show it off, lol!

August 28, 2007 10:09 pm  
Blogger Penless Thoughts said...

Love the quotes!!!
Susan

August 29, 2007 10:23 am  
Blogger Penless Thoughts said...

Your yellow ballon tied on with a yellow ribbon for sure!!
Susan

August 29, 2007 9:57 pm  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home