Thursday, August 30, 2007

A Giggle To Combat The Blues

Hi everyone , Hope alls well were ever you may be.
Nudist colony
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his
Grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in
his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony,
he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers
that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo

He's really worried but then remembers how bad his grandmother's
eyesight is, & hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother
It says:
'Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle. . . it makes
your nose look too short.'
Love Grandma

There was a German, an Italian and an Irishman on death row.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. to be shot
2. to hang
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."
They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing.
The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did.
Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid.....I'm wearing a condom."

Two old men decided they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town . After a few drinks , they end up at the local brothel.

The Madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager , go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated Doll in each bed .
These two are so old and drunk , Im not wasting two of my girls on them ,they won't know the difference .'

The manager does as he is told and the two men go upstairs and take care of their business .As they are walking home the first man says, you know , I think my girl was dead!. 'dead?' says his friend , "why do you say that"? 'Well , she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.
His friend says , "could be worse' I think mine was a witch . A witch?, why the hell would you say that?''Well, I was making love to her , kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite , Then she farted and flew out the window .'

Little Johnny

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny? "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"



Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

Funny jokes, Jan!

The first one, especially!!


September 01, 2007 1:09 am  
Blogger Renae said...

These are just way tooo funny !!! It's friday for me so it's a joke day, I must share these at work !!! LOL !!! LOL !!! Take care and have a wonderful weekend !!!

September 01, 2007 2:05 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Those are good jokes! Moral of the old guys story, when you are drunk don't bite witches because that will make them fly away!

I'm glad you saw the eclipse. I missed it. We will have another nice one early in 2008.
My pictures:

The first two pictures were taken in Italy.
First one was at Castellamare, Sicily.

The second was down the hill from Taormina, Sicily.

The Adi by the Bag Drop picture was takeen at our subdivision, while Adi and were walking. It is the place to drop off your golf clubs if you want to rent a cart from the pro-shop.

They bring back nice memories. We are going to Scotland and Isle of Man September 11-25. If my camera holds up there will over 7000 taken with it before we get back.

September 01, 2007 6:48 am  
Anonymous Allotment Lady said...


September 01, 2007 8:00 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Omigosh I have tears running down my cheeks from laughing so much! Oh Jen, LOL, all of them are sooo funny! I especially love the one with the blowup dolls! hehe xoxo

September 01, 2007 9:39 am  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

I really needed those jokes, Jen, as I had just read a very sad blog which had me in tears.

Thanks for drying them up.

September 01, 2007 8:35 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Some great jokes there and
even a couple I hadn't seen before.
Thanks for your comments, glad you liked the colours and the Pssst !!
And Party we must. We;; Spring is here, I hope it stays a long time and doesn't get too hot too soon. Thanks for wishes for John to get well.
Take care, Love, Merle.

September 02, 2007 1:58 am  
Blogger Peggy said...

I love them!!!!!

September 02, 2007 4:24 am  
Blogger Sonia said...

LOL! The first one is just hilarious! Thanks my dear!

Have a nice weekend!

September 02, 2007 6:17 am  
Blogger Gattina said...

I think you missed my compiled news, lol ! The Sept. 11 entry was just a polite reminder !

September 12, 2007 1:02 am  

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