A few jokes

Hi Everyone, Hope your all well where ever you maybe. I am still waiting on the return of my computer hopefully ill get it back very shortly.then ill be able to download all my photo's I have taken in my absense from blogging. In the mean time I have been able to download a few bits and pieces onto my old computer its a lot slower, but hopefully ill be able to get around and visiting you all very soon.

IRISH PROSTITUTE

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her,'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute......'Ye what!!?
Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family.''
OK, dad-- as ye wish.
I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 millionFor me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath).... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..
''Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says dad.
Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.''Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.

Come here and give yer old man a hug!'

~~~~~~~~~

Men
Driving to the office this morning on the interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a
woman in her brand newMercedes doing 65 miles per hour.
With her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her makeup!
I looked away for a couple seconds and whenI looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that damn makeup!!

Well, I'm a man, but this sight scared me so badly,I dropped my electric razor, which knocked the donut out my other hand, then while trying to straighten out the car using my knee, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned my crotch, ruined the damn phone and disconnected a very important call!!
HE SHOUTED LOUSY WOMEN DRIVERS!!
~~~~~~~~~~

Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him...
Like his MOTHER used to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To end with a few Adages,

One today is worth two tomorrows.

Give thy purse rather than thy time.

A man who does nothing never has time to do anything.

They who make the best use of their time have none to spare.

Lost time is never found again.

Nothing is more precious than time, yet nothing less valued.

In the short life of man no lost time can be afforded.

Lose no time; be always employed in something useful.

Keep out of all unnecessary action. B. Franklin