A FEW LAUGHS
Hi everyone!
Well what have I done this week ? I have to say not a lot, Monday I took my elderly neighbour to a rehab appointment in wangaratta then took her to do a little shopping before returning home,and going to carpet bowls . Tuesday I went to Doctors it was check up time and to get results from last tests, Happy to say all good results,
Today Wednesday had a day home. this morning the gas plumber arrived to check out and run a new gas pipe to kitchen, in readyness for my new oven and gas top to be installed tomorrow. then later in the day the weather turned nasty,forecast was high winds and rain, we have high winds and a bad dust storm the sky turned brown and from daylight to to having lights turned on in the middle of the day, and the car is covered in thick dust.l
looks like the local car wash will have a good day tomorrow , due to water restrictions households only allowed to wash car windows.
Tomorrow Thursday, Im of to play indoor carpet pennant bowls first game of the season. Hopefully when I get back home my new oven and cook top will be well on the way to being installed, sorry I wont be here to take photo's of old cook top and oven getting removed but maybe I will still get some of the mess on my return.
Well Im off for early night as a Bowling day tomorrow.
Ill be round visiting you all in the next day or two.
Now to end with A few jokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gentleman GolferA fellow was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.
The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first two holes.
The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, and while counting his $80.00, he confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he is the Parish Priest. The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, and while counting his $80.00, he confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he is the Parish Priest. The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room of other patients I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?' 'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'
'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.
'The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.
' The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??
''There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??' 'I can't pee out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose
~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~
Cardboard Men
A car gets a flat on the interstate one day.
The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.
She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing on coming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.
She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing on coming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.
It isn't very long before a police car arrives.
The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What's going on here?""My car broke down, officer" says the woman calmly."
The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What's going on here?""My car broke down, officer" says the woman calmly."
Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" he asks.
"Helllooooooo!!!!"
"Helllooooooo!!!!"
says the blonde. "Those are my emergency flashers!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~
DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEN WHILE FISHINGTwo men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer .
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'
Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says ,
'You better think it over - women like that are hard to find.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BLONDIELast year a Blonde replaced all the windows in her house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind and today, got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellllooooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves.
Helllloooo ? It's been a year ! (I told him.)_
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.....He never called back.
He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellllooooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves.
Helllloooo ? It's been a year ! (I told him.)_
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.....He never called back.
Guess I won that stupid argument. I be the felt like an idiot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To End with a couple of Quotes
The truest greatness lies in being kind, the truest wisdom in a happy mind:
One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything.
:Georg C. Lichtenberg:
No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.:
George Bernard Shaw:
No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.:
George Bernard Shaw:
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.:George Bernard Shaw:
Labels: Humour
posted by Jeanette at 11:10 pm
12 Comments:
How sweet you are, to your neighbor...
Good test results. Yaaaaaaaa!
Hello dear Jen:-)
I'm finally back to regular blogging and trying to get caught up with everyone...it's slow going but I'm getting there! Thank you so much for your best wishes regarding my finding out that I will be a grandma...can't tell you enough how thrilled I am:-)
Glad to hear that your doctor visit went well and that you got all good results! You'll have to take pictures of your new oven and gas top...bet you're just going to love it!!
We still have lots of snow here but it is starting to melt...very slowly!! It's 2c so the temps aren't going up very fast either! lol
I should learn not to be drinking something when I start reading your jokes...almost got water all over my computer! lol Loved them all!! xox
Hi Jeanette,
Enjoy your new stove, once you get it in. And have fun with your indoor, or is it carpet, bowl.
Janice~
Dear Jan ~~ So glad to hear your test results were all good. Always good to hear that isn't it? The jokes were very funny and the quotes, thanks for
them. Glad the wind didn't do any damage to you or me, but the sky was brown with the dust. My cousin Michelle at Bacchus Marsh said it was awful down there and you could taste the dust ( as you said) Glad you liked the photos - Bill looks good for almost 80, Pam nearly 70, Michelle just turned 66, so they look good to me. Take care my friend and enjoy the Bowls. No news
on Vicki yet, op could be in Sydney
so Peter said. Much love, Merle.
Hi Jan, just a quick note, Vicki goes to see the specialist tomorrow (4th) so we may find out whats happening then??
I'm flying to Adelaide on Sunday for moral support, will do a quick post with any details I have very soon.
Have fun bowling... I remember when my pop would go lawn bowling and it was fun... take care
Dear Jan ~~Hi again ~ Thanks for your comments. I am so glad that you and your family tell each other that you love one another. And that you see them fairly often. Mine are scattered
Take care my friend, kep warm and keep smiling. Love, Merle.
How in the world do you get the dust off everything and doesn't it ruin the pool water? Silly questions from a Southern. I hope you do grand with the bowls and can't wait to see the new kitchen. Peace
Each time you mention "bowling" I think "we also have to play once again" ! but so far we haven't, lol !
Hi Jen, here is hoping you are doing good with your bowling. If I ever get to Australia I sure do want to watch the lawn bowling.
Your jokes were neat today too. They all were a little put downish toward men. Even the cute blonde joke with the flat, she could just as well of had cardboard women, couldn't she?
I'll remember the ear thing, but my dr's receptionist could care less what's wrong with me as long as I have an appointment.
Cheers,
..
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