Friday, February 15, 2008

Blonde's

Hi everyone hope your all well were ever you maybe be. I am very well But its that time again for check ups .Yesterday I had to go Wangaratta hospital to have Mammogram,Ultra sound, Chest xray, and CT scan pelvis and Abdomen , But the worst thing was I had to fast from Midnight. No morning cuppa . Then after mammogam and chest xray I was given a litre of white liquid to drink on an empty stomach .Yuk! before they could start the scan and , during scan had to be injected with a dye. Oh boy im so hungry I could eat a horse,, My appointments started 11am and followed one after the other ending about 3pm. The first thing I did was head to the hospital cafeteria for a much needed cuppa and something to eat. Next Tuesday fast again for Blood test and Liver Ultra sound.All over for another 12 months..except for my 3monthly blood tests ..
Well all I can say all these tests are better than the alternative.....
NOW ON WITH A FEW JOKES
keep smiling
SEVEN DEGREE'S OF A BLONDE .

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."


SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
Ablonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Now a couple of senior jokes
Grandma's Visit
"Oh, I sure am glad to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother's side).
"Now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
The grandmother was curious.
"What trick is that?" she asked.
"He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit," answered the boy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's Your Name, Again?
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week. One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.
I know we've been friends a long time, but I just can't think of your name.
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pet Parrot
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson.
He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet.
The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"

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18 Comments:

Blogger Peter said...

Hi Jan, good to have those tests out of the way for another year, just keep well I can't spare any of my friends.

February 16, 2008 1:37 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Dear Jan ~~ Glad your tests are over for another year. I had an ultra sound as well yesterday. The jokes were good Jan and glad you enjoyed mine. The floods in Mackay have been awful, so much water and it came so quickly. Haven't heard of any crocs.
Thank goodness. Take care Jan, Love, Merle.

February 16, 2008 11:24 pm  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

Jan ~ Let me see here... my wife is blonde, we're both seniors, but thank-goodness we don't have a parrot! But come to think of it... I did have chicken last night! ~ jb///

February 17, 2008 1:42 am  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Hey I used to be naturally blond aged up to about 10 or so...

but I was so stupid that when I once committed suicide jumping off a bridge I had to stop half way down & ask for directions... wah-WAAAH!!

February 17, 2008 4:26 am  
Blogger Susie said...

Hi Jen,
That sounds like quite the round of tests you had to go through. Hope all comes out well!
Loved reading all your jokes. Bill and I got a good laugh from the senior ones and the blond ones too!
xo

February 17, 2008 12:16 pm  
Blogger Margaret said...

Hi Jan, glad the tests are over for you for another year. Loved your Broms' and Begonias in previous post.
I must have missed that one somehow.
Loved all the jokes goes without saying.
Cheers and Hugs Margaret

February 17, 2008 5:33 pm  
Blogger bigbikerbob said...

Hi Jen,Great jokes again,I hope all your test results come back clear.

February 17, 2008 9:07 pm  
Blogger Hootin' Anni said...

I'm sending a big ol' Texas Howdy your way my dear Aussie friend!!! I'm glad to hear that all your testing [that fasting IS the worst part...I hate to not be able to eat anything beforehand!] is done for the year. And I hope all the results are negative and you're as healthy!!!!

I LOVED the 6th degree of the blonde jokes...too danged funny. I've never read this one before. I gotta share that with some of my family.

Now, where is that horse you wanted to eat? Any leftovers?

Happy day to you. [well, I guess it's happy evening to you instead...it's about 7am here!]

February 17, 2008 11:45 pm  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jan -- Yes, I have a friend that I have forgotten his name also. I saw him today again.
I would tell my class the Roe vs.Wade joke. The punch line would be when asked by his teacher what he thought about Roe vs.Wade was, the student in the joke would reply "it depends upon how deep the water is, Sir."
..

February 18, 2008 2:45 pm  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi Jeanette,

I hope you get good news on the test results.

Thank you for stopping by for V-day, and I hope you enjoy the flowers.

Janice~

February 18, 2008 4:51 pm  
Blogger Gina E. said...

Oh you poor thing, what a barrage of tests! I sometimes think the worst part is waiting for the results. It really annoys me when I call our clinic to find out what's going on, and they say "We'll only ring you if there is something wrong"...AAAGGGHHH! So you sweat blood and tears waiting! I hope you don't get any phone calls...lol!

February 18, 2008 7:11 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jeanette. Hope all the tests will come out with favorable results. Have a great week ahead.

Thanks for visiting my blog. As for your question, Yohan doesn't really go karting but he enjoys borrowing his cousin's go kart whenever we go to their place for a visit.

Enjoy the week.

February 19, 2008 12:50 am  
Blogger jennifer said...

The parrot joke sent me into a fit of giggles. The blonde jokes were adorable but being a Brunette-blonde, I laugh self consciously. Jennifer

February 19, 2008 3:26 pm  
Blogger Diane J. said...

Hi, Jeanette. Hope you get good reports from all those tests!

I loved the jokes, but my fave is the last one about the parrot. ;o)

Hope you have a great week!

Hugs,

Diane

February 19, 2008 7:01 pm  
Blogger HORIZON said...

I'm just glad it's my sister who's blond and not me-lol. Don't tell her l said that!
Hope all those tests come out well Jen- don't like the sound of drinking all that fluid on an empty tum- l'd feel like a human waterbottle- not to mention needing the loo!
Thanks so much for your kind words left on the blog.
hugs and bests x

February 19, 2008 9:53 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Dear Jan ~~ Thanks for your comments and I am glad you enjoyed the crocheted dolls and the two meanings of words. I posted an e mail you sent me tonight. Changed a few words to make it suitable to post.
Take care, Love, Merle.

February 19, 2008 11:16 pm  
Blogger Sorlil said...

those tests sound like a bit of a trauma, glad they're over for you and those blonde jokes are very baaaad!

February 19, 2008 11:39 pm  
Blogger The Ramblin Irishman said...

My goodness Jen what was the purpose of all those tests in the first place. Here you have to be seriously ill or dieing before they perform any tests like that. I love your jokes as well. I try to remember the blond jokes so I can tell the blond girls on my bus. Typical teenagers though, they just roll their eyes and shake their heads. Have a nice day.

February 20, 2008 3:05 am  

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