Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Senior Moments

Hi all a little senior merriment tonight.

Old Wisdom

After working his farm every day, an old farmer rarely had time to enjoy the large pond in the back that he had fixed up years earlier with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and benches.
So one evening he decided to go down and see how things were holding up.
Much to his surprise, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a group of young women skinny dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave."
The old farmer replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked.
I only came down to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old age and treachery will always triumph over youth and skill.
Three Elderly Sisters
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses.
She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses.
Then she yells out, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful."
She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then replies,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Pet Parrot
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson.
He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet.
The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says,
"Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
Oh, the pity of old age.
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home.
She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?" He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
He said, "I can't remember where I live!"
What's Your Name, Again?
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week.
One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.
I know we've been friends a long time, but I just can't think of your name.
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
"Friendship is a special kind of love."

"The secret to friendship is being a good listener."

"A true friend is someone you can trust with all your secrets."

"Gems may be presious, but friends are priceless."

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them"

"A good friend is hard to find, hard to lose, and impossible to forget..." -

"Time isn't what makes a friendship last...It's love and devotion that keeps the tie between souls." -
Friendship is the golden ribbon that ties the world together."

"Money might make you wealthy, but friends makes you rich."

"You don't make friends, you earn them."

"When your looking for a friend don't look for perfection, just look for friendship."

"The best antiques are old friends."
Great people talk about ideas

Average people talk about things

small people talk about other people

And legends, like us, never talk ... we just drink


Blogger bigbikerbob said...

A great post as usual, had my laugh for the day, keep it up.

December 06, 2007 11:15 am  
Blogger Alice said...

I definitely shouldn't drink my morning coffee while reading your blog. :) Thanks for the giggles.

December 07, 2007 12:48 am  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

Thanks for a good read and laugh. I think I would like to be a Legend today. hee hee

December 07, 2007 1:25 am  
Blogger Renae said...

Wonderful post once again!!! I meant to comment before on the post below on the poem about FAMILY.I loved it, brought a tear to my eye. Have a wonderful day !!

December 07, 2007 9:08 am  
Blogger Merle said...

Dear Jan ~~ Great post and some good jokes as usual. The quotes are very goos also. Thank you for your wishes
for Geoff's birthday. He was 15 days old when we first met him and he joined our family and we picked him up un 22nd December 1957. The post was very average last night, i just got too tired. The heat knocks me.
Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

December 07, 2007 11:32 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Jen

Thanks for the laughs, hope the silly season isn't getting to you too much!

Take care

December 08, 2007 1:55 pm  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jeanette -- I'll drink to that,
I never did like just talking.

Your jokes were good classics though I hadn't heard the elderly ladies playing cards one before (maybe it wasn't a classic).

December 08, 2007 2:38 pm  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate good jokes,gave me a great giggle talk soon. xoxo

December 08, 2007 3:31 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

Ha ! if we had a motorcycle we certainly would look like that, lol !

December 08, 2007 7:22 pm  
Anonymous AZ said...

Goodness, I just kept clicking from one blog to another and now I can't remember how I got here (must be getting old)! I just wanted to leave a comment and tell you how much I enjoyed looking at the photographs of your garden. I only wish I could grow the variety of things you have in your garden, but I live in Arizona and sparce rain and exteme heat make gardening a challenge.

December 08, 2007 9:05 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jeanette. I enjoyed the jokes and loved the quotes about friendship.

Thanks for visiting my Photo Hunt. I must say I'm braver than my husband because I asked the zoo keeper to put the snake around my neck to have my picture taken. It was really very heavy. I didn't share my picture for the Photo Hunt because I was 30-40 pounds heavier in that shot so I used my husband's shot instead. Yes, could be quite vain. Ha ha!

December 09, 2007 2:56 am  
Blogger UKBob said...

That little mouse at the end reminds me of Vicki last night at the dinner LOL!

December 09, 2007 9:25 pm  
Blogger Hootin' Anni said...

Jan you never cease to make me laugh. OR ogle your beautiful garden. Today, visiting you - you made me laugh. I love the one about the "name"...too funny. And legends like us ---yep, drink up and be merry!!!


December 09, 2007 11:00 pm  

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