Friday, August 17, 2007

Mother

Hi Everyone, hope your all well were ever you maybe,.
Ive had a quiet few days with lots of phone calls,and friends popping in.
played Indoor (carpet) bowls today. And will get around to visit you all in the next day or 2


Now to put a little humour into our lives
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until your father gets home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grandma's Visit

"Oh, I sure am glad to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother's side). "Now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.
"He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit," answered the boy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, the pity of old age.

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?" He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
He said, "I can't remember where I live!" ....
!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,

Labels:

21 Comments:

Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ I am not often first anywhere, gotta have a win sometime.
Great jokes there and the wisdom at the end is so good. Thanks for your comments on my blog. Glad you
enjoyed it. Look after yourself my friend. Much love, Merle.

August 18, 2007 3:29 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Jen. Hope all is well in your world.

I love that one, about My Mother and I think mine said all those...lol, lol,lol!

August 18, 2007 6:56 pm  
Blogger Lee-ann said...

Jen evening to you! Heaven help us I can relate to many of your jokes and I am still working out is that a good thing or a bad one lol lol lol lol

As always love visiting you my friend.
Lee-ann

August 18, 2007 11:12 pm  
Blogger Renae said...

Your jokes always crack me up!! The one about mothers,(big laugh) I always say #1 but alter it a little, it comes out more like"if your going to kill each other, clean up the blood" LOL !! #13 is another one I've said before. I also tell them " I made you, I can break you!" thats me trying to threaten them and they usually just laugh.( big roll of the eyes here).I think we've all said a lot of those to our children. I love sharing your jokes at work, we all just have a hoot !!! Take care and have a blessed weekend!

August 19, 2007 1:02 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Jeanette -- Your mom taught you a whole lot more than mine did me. :-)
Just catching up here, I've semi-retired from blogging for a while.

Now, where do I live?
..
Mrs. Jim found me and just now brought me some tea and some 'Tastefully Canadian' maple cookies. So I've found it again!
..

August 19, 2007 7:59 am  
Blogger Val said...

MY mother said most of those things to us too! I am happy to say that I have said few of them to my own sons. But I know I've said things that they sometimes talk and laugh about.

August 19, 2007 11:56 am  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

Jan,

:) I enjoyed all your jokes tonight!

Junie

August 19, 2007 12:43 pm  
Blogger Helen said...

Jeanette, I am sorry to hear about your sad loss. Still you had time to comment on my table setting! I thought the wattle a nice touch as it is just everywhere at the moment.WE are off to WA next month, so I hope to find some really great flower photos in the wilderness. Had a giggle at your jokes, thank you.

August 19, 2007 7:48 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi again Jan ~~ I have that photo of Keith,Anne ad me, and I took one of Peter, Anne and Keith. The one I posted showed the Three Muskateers best. That was the day Peter and I had lunch with you. Glad you liked the jokes. Take care my friend,
Love, Merle.

August 19, 2007 9:09 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

Hahaha I loved the Mother's sayings ! Would be a nice Thursday Thirteen !

August 20, 2007 1:22 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

we had the same mother

glad you are up to blogging again.

August 20, 2007 4:22 am  
Blogger RUTH said...

LOL. You always manage to find jokes that I've never heard before. Love them! "I Owe My Mother" is brilliant :o)
Rx

August 20, 2007 4:55 pm  
Blogger Lady Di Tn said...

Happy Birthday form Tennessee.
Hope your day is pleasant as can be.

August 20, 2007 11:45 pm  
Blogger Granny said...

It must be the 21st where you are.

Happy Birthday.

August 21, 2007 12:06 am  
Blogger freddie said...

They say, here in Rome, that it's someone birthday tomorrow... happy birthday Jeanette.
Pace e Bene from Rome
freddie

August 21, 2007 5:36 am  
Blogger RUTH said...

Reckon it must be the 21st in Australia by now so...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
{{HUGS}}
Rx

August 21, 2007 6:58 am  
Blogger Vickie said...

I just came from Merle's to wish you a Happy Birthday---may this be the best year yet full of good health, happiness and love.

August 21, 2007 9:37 am  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Merle told me it is your BIRTHDAY so do have a merry one!!!

August 21, 2007 10:16 am  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi "Birthday Girl".
great jokes,have a great day catch up with you later.
Love Gwen xoxo

August 21, 2007 12:40 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ I hope you are having a lovely day - it is weather-wise so
that should help a little. I hope
you are having lots of fun and pressies. Much love, Merle.

August 21, 2007 5:06 pm  
Blogger mrsnesbitt said...

Hi there, just popped over from Ruth's to wish you "Happy Birthday!"
I loved the sayings of your mum...my mum used to say the very same things!

Great stuff.

back to my stripping now...paint stripping!

August 21, 2007 8:20 pm  

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