Monday, June 25, 2007

A FEW JOKES




Two accountants met in a bar.
One said to the other:
"I noticed you got here on a Harley. Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second accountant replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a stunningly beautiful woman rode up on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want.", so I took the bike.
The first accountant nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't fit you."

================
The nursing home
An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home.
Since most of the facilities were completely full, they had to put him in a Jewish home.
After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they came to visit grandpa.
"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson."It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa."We're so happy for you.
We were worried that this was the wrong place for you.
You know, since you are a little different from everyone.""Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile.
"There's a musician here -- he's 85 years old.He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!""There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!"And there's a physician here -- 90 years ! old.He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'!""And what about you Grandpa" - asks the grandson."And me...., I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The f***king Arab!'


========================"
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food
was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started
eating right away.
Johnny
wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to," The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother
insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained.

But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

What is in a Word ?
An elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.
At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for
marriage.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long
conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject
of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say...I
would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment and then over his
glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked "Is that one word or two?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

Aussie slang
"avago" = Have a go"Avago, ya mug"= (Have a go, you mug)

"barbie"=Barbecue "Throw a yabbie on the barbie"

"ankle biter" = young child "She has an ankle biter to feed"

"banana bender"= Queenslander...because they grow lots of banana's inQueensland"He's a banana bender"

"battler"= One who struggles for a living "What a tough battler!"

"beaut" = Thats Beaut...!beautiful""billy"= Tin container used for boiling water to make tea"Can you pass the billy?"

"billabong"=Waterhole in semi-dry river"And his ghost may be seen roaming at the billabong" (from "Waltzing Matilda)"bickie"=Lets have a bickie biscuit

14 Comments:

Blogger Hootin'Anni said...

As you've guessed by now, I'm a frequent visitor to your blog. I wanted you to know that I have placed an award for you on my blog today!!

Happy Monday.

June 26, 2007 3:31 am  
Blogger bigbikerbob said...

Hi ,Ive been away for a few weeks but coming back to your blog i find it still as funny as ever, keep up the good work.

June 26, 2007 6:16 am  
Blogger Peter said...

Hi Jan, a good selection there.

June 26, 2007 1:40 pm  
Blogger PEA said...

Omigosh, those were ALL funny! lol Gotta love little Johnny too! hehe xoxo

June 26, 2007 1:42 pm  
Blogger Nicole said...

Thankyou for your beautiful and kind words at the passing of my Poppy. I thankyou for your friendship and how you gave your heart to me so freely.

xox Nicole

nicoleelswyk.blogspot.com

June 26, 2007 2:04 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

Lol ! I like the "Barbie" and the ankle biter ! That's a very good expression ! I have a cat ankle biter to take care of, 7 weeks old kitten Rosie !

June 26, 2007 11:22 pm  
Blogger Momma Bear said...

so funny!
I'm sorry you bumped your head!)

June 26, 2007 11:28 pm  
Blogger Sorlil said...

The nursing home joke is very un-pc but hilarious, really made me laugh!

June 27, 2007 8:25 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

so... grandma is a good cook. (Mine wasn't.... now I know why she was such a prayer warrior.)

June 27, 2007 5:18 pm  
Blogger judypatooote said...

I'm usually not into reading jokes, but I read yours, and it started my morning off with a giggle....thanks for sharing....

June 27, 2007 7:18 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Thanks for the laughs, Jeanette. I love the two old folks...maybe that's me eventually...lol!

June 27, 2007 7:55 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~Thanks for your comments. The kids and I are enjoying our visit
We had a lamb roast dinner this evening which went down well.
I enjoyed your jokes, Liked the Harley one best tonight. Take care, Love, Merle.

June 27, 2007 8:11 pm  
Blogger Renae said...

Oh my gosh, those are just way to funny!!!! Love all the Aussie sayings you put up. I must use some of them, lol !!!
Blessings your way for a fabulous week!!!!!

Renae

June 28, 2007 12:36 am  
Blogger Sue "Sioux" Seibert said...

Hummmm...interesting. Surprising, the only one I didn't know was banana bender.

July 29, 2007 2:27 am  

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