Sunday, June 10, 2007

Nail in the fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.
His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his
temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.
Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.
He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said,
"You have done well, my son", but look at the holes in the fence.
The fence will never be the same.

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.
It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.

" A verbal wound" is as bad as a physical one.

Granny in Court
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned!
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.
He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.
Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair .
A husband walks into Victoria Secret to purchase some sheer lingerie for
his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500
in price; the more it is sheer, the higher the price.
He opts for the
one that is most sheer, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home. He
presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it
for him.
upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might
as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modelling naked,
return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself."
So she appears
naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says,
"Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
He never heard the shot. Funeral on Friday.
A Little Quote
Friends are very rare jewels, indeed.
They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.
They lend an ear, they share words of praise
and they always want to open their hearts to us."

You realise time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.


Blogger Gattina said...

Lol, I just scrolled a little through your blog and it sounds so funny to me when you talk about snow and cold weather and here it's so hot now. Was the same at Christmas the other way around ! We are really living both on the opposite ends of the world ! I also admired your beautiful flower pictures and your grand daughter, she really is a pretty girl !

June 12, 2007 12:07 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The boy with the hammer was cute. The wife with all of the wrinkles was even cuter. Good stuff.

June 12, 2007 3:21 am  
Blogger Penless Thoughts said...

These were so good I had to call my husband in and read them to him. Loved the one about the judge and the one on Victoria Secret. I'd heard the one on the nails before. Very good moral in that one.

June 12, 2007 4:25 am  
Blogger smilnsigh said...

Ohmy! I love the Granny In Court!!!


June 12, 2007 8:32 am  
Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate.
Great jokes see u soon.

June 12, 2007 11:24 am  
Blogger Peter said...

Hi Jan, you sound like you are firing on all cylinders there, see ya soon.

June 12, 2007 4:18 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Great post - I liked it all
but I think Granny gets the vote. I'd
say that judge was guilty !!
Thanks for your comments, I liked the 10 reasons Eve was created too.
Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

June 12, 2007 4:55 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

Heeheehee! Loved the granny in court! Hope you're keeping warm!

June 12, 2007 9:15 pm  
Blogger Susan said...

Wonderful stories. I liked the first one .
Just scrolled through your recent posts. Nice feelings to be had by looking at your photos full of family and home.
Have a good week.

June 13, 2007 5:00 am  
Blogger meggie said...

Good laughs & very nice sentiments!

June 13, 2007 6:45 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

You know with english you can travel in the whole world. There is no problem but one who only speaks flemish which is probably spoken by only 15 mill people in the whole world that causes troubles of course and with the menus that's always an adventure, my husband once ordered pizza with peperoni in the USA thinking it was red peppers but he has got salami on it !

June 13, 2007 8:58 pm  
Blogger Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Jeanette. I love the first story. Sometimes, I let my anger get the better of me and I always end up regretting it. I always try not to say and do anything in anger to avoid hurting the people I love. It's not always easy to follow this but I still try my best.

June 14, 2007 5:30 pm  
Blogger Raggedy said...

Woooooooohooooo on yer medecal news!
The beckyard pitures are gorguous!
The nailed sreory was gud.
Hahaha at jokes.
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

June 15, 2007 9:15 am  
Blogger Meow said...

Great jokes / stories, once again. I loved the granny in court the best ... I can actually picture it LOL.
Hope you are well.
Take care, Meow

June 15, 2007 11:05 am  
Blogger HORIZON said...

lol for ironing the sheer lingerie!
Thanks for the comments Jen- hope you have been keeping well. l have been gone too long.
On a dull day such as this reading your blog always brings some sunshine.
bests xx

June 16, 2007 9:59 pm  

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