Monday, August 06, 2007

A Little Senior Citizen Merriment Tonight Folk

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.
I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show.
Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.
Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!" Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna: "
No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

Three Elderly Sisters
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells out,
"Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then replies,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "Arthritis."

Oh, the pity of old age.
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
He said, "I can't remember where I live!"


Anonymous Hootin' Anni said...

ROFLMAO!! Love 'em, love all of those. Now I gotta go see what the chicken is up to below...he looks kinda suspicious.

August 07, 2007 1:16 am  
Blogger Susie said...

These were so funny! Thanks for the laugh to begin our day!!

August 07, 2007 2:30 am  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jan ~~ Great jokes, I liked the 3 sisters and see who is at the door, and the poor bloke who forgot where he lived. Thanks for your comments, glad you like the old family photos.
Peter does look like Dad and did as a child. I think all out kids thought we were mean Mums - but when they have their own they work it out.
Take care, Love, Merle.

August 07, 2007 5:44 pm  
Blogger Gretchen said...

What a riot! Thanks for the laugh this morning. :)

August 08, 2007 12:10 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

wear an old dress.
You know they must be ancient, because I haven't worn a dress... well, since my eldest daughter got married

August 08, 2007 12:49 am  
Blogger Meow (aka Connie) said...

Hahahaha, those are hilarious, thanks Jeanette.
Hmmm, not sure if I'm dreading, or looking forward to, getting old ... going by those jokes !!
Take care, Meow

August 08, 2007 8:48 am  
Blogger PEA said...

ROFL omigosh, too funny! So at least now we know that there IS a fun side to being elderly! hehe xoxo

August 08, 2007 9:04 am  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

:) Very funny, Jan! Especially the last one! Poor old guy!! :(


August 08, 2007 12:41 pm  
Blogger Jim said...

Now, where is my blog? Oh yes, I'm over here. I sure hope some one tells me where I live.
Very nice jokes, next to blonde jokes, old people and St Peter are for me.
BTW, thanks for the visit yesterday. Today you would find me really gone with NO BLOGGING HOME.

August 08, 2007 1:12 pm  
Blogger Val said...

Yep, we seniors have all the fun! Good stories!

August 08, 2007 9:30 pm  
Blogger Puss-in-Boots said...

lmao! Those are fully, especially the crushed nuts!

August 09, 2007 8:30 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeanette, very funny. Thanks for posting them. Wear an old dress, that is good.

August 10, 2007 4:33 pm  

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