A Few Jokes Tonight

Hi Everyone ., I am feeling very frustrated that I have been unable to leave comments on a lot of your sites , won't let me log on, not even as "Anonymous" , but I have visited many of you , but just cannot leave a comment no matter how I try .
But will try getting to you all as soon as possible
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Secret To A Long Marriage
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions.
" The minister inquired, trips to where?? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing , China .
" The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?
" Brother Ralph replied: "I'm going to go get her."

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HOW LONG HAVE I GOT LEFT?
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind.The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."

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The Cowboy Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping One of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?

" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."
She will be eligible for parole in three years.