Saturday, December 02, 2006



A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!" says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use, and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,
"Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"
Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more "youth challenged" than others!!!!

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"
Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.
The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out of
His fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing
a beat, blurts out
"Holy shit ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"


Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jan, very funny jokes, clever dog that one!
Who says you can' teach an old dog new tricks. Cheers Margaret

December 03, 2006 12:52 am  
Blogger PEA said...

LOL gosh those were funny! My mom loves jokes so I'll print these out for her..she and Ross are coming here for dinner today and I know she'll enjoy reading those! hehe Have a wonderful weekend dear friend! xox

December 03, 2006 4:20 am  
Blogger JunieRose2005 said...


Loved the jokes!


December 03, 2006 8:19 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my... i love old dog jokes

December 03, 2006 9:41 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Holy shit ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"

Now that's a closing line that's worthy of remembering.

December 03, 2006 12:03 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jan ~~ Thanks for the laughs, one clever poodle that one. The drunk wasn't so bright. Thanks for your comments - the bird burial was funny "into the hole he goes". Thanks also for the Santa greeting, that was good and I have sent it on to some friends and rellies.
Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

December 03, 2006 7:22 pm  
Blogger Gattina said...

He,he, I am just belonging to the 3rd youth !

December 04, 2006 8:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol lol lol lol! well done Jeanette all so true. If only I had those skills to outwit a leopard or two.

see you again real soon.

December 05, 2006 10:35 am  
Anonymous Donna said...

Great Jokes mum. I expect a few over x-mas lunch so start reciting.


December 05, 2006 10:50 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Great old dog joke, LOL.

My old dog would be out of luck, because all she does is stager.


December 05, 2006 6:42 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where DO you Australian women find those jokes? Loved the poodle one.
Behave yourself. I have to post as anonymous because blogger won't let me post under my name. Hmmmm.

The Ramblin Irishman

December 06, 2006 3:36 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jan ~ Thanks for your comments, glad you liked the Irish joke etc and the
photo. Bill is very positive, and cheerful and looks great for 78, so I hope he stays around for many years.
Take care, Stay cool, Love, Merle.

December 06, 2006 12:44 pm  
Blogger Gary said...

That poodle story is funny. I have heard that poodles are smart, and this proves it. :)

December 06, 2006 2:34 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL!!! Very funny stuff. Do you know my mom?

December 06, 2006 5:43 pm  

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