Tuesday, October 24, 2006

MEN!







Men! For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.

Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you older they get, the less firmthey get less firm they
2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like . Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped., . Everyone can use some fun
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The day after Halloween,
Little Johnny sat on the park picnic table, gorging on his candy with sinful abandon.
An old lady saw what was happening and said, "That cannot be good for you when you are young.
You need to have more concern for your personal health," to which he replied,
"My granddaddy lived to be to 100!" "I bet he never had that much sugar in one sitting!"
"My granddaddy always minded his own freakin business!"
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’""But why?" asks the man.
"I’m a divorce lawyer."
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The new supermarket opened near my house and has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
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15 Comments:

Blogger Gwen said...

Hi Mate...sorry I missed you last night,great jokes.
We are both on same wave link,I also done some jokes,but haven't published yet.
See you tomorrow!!xo
P.S.Got car back today..

October 25, 2006 1:51 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Jen. You do know if it weren't for men, women would have nothing to talk about. I don't dare let my wife see your post today. She will say the man in her life sounds just like that. I do enjoy Merle and your blogs. Have a nice day.

October 25, 2006 2:13 am  
Blogger Gattina said...

Lol !!! I just thought to be to tired (it's 6.30 pm over here) to laugh, but the men qualities and the toilet paper woke me up ! I first got a shock because I mixed up tuesday with thursday and I participate on Thursday 13, and had nothing ready but then I saw it was not T13 ! Very nice, I should copy it for Thursday and then I will get a lot of women on my back. Was already something with my mistakes !
Thanks for the link to my page I will do the same, I really like to read your blog !

October 25, 2006 2:36 am  
Blogger Sue said...

Thanks for the good laughs to start the day!
:-)

October 25, 2006 3:45 am  
Blogger Clay Bethelbridge said...

That is funny stuff there. Sometimes I come here for the song

October 25, 2006 5:04 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

someone sent me that by Email the other day. However, they didn't have the cute lil guy tapping his impatient foot.

{{{:?)

October 25, 2006 7:01 am  
Blogger PEA said...

Yup that's men all right!! LOL Just catching up on the posts I've missed while I've been away....everyone is keeping me busy reading! lol Loved all the jokes, they will have me giggling all night thinking of them now! hehe

October 25, 2006 10:18 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jan ~~ Great jokes. Liked the divorce lawyer's tactics, and the toilet paper. I hope you went OK at bowls today and that the blood tests tomorrow go well also. I am due next month for
those and my 3 monthly visit to Doctor.
Glad you enjoyed the Cost of a Miracle
It was a nice story. Take care Jan, Love, Merle.

October 25, 2006 3:53 pm  
Anonymous colleen said...

I love #4 and 5 on the men are like list! I guess you have a comedy central blog!

October 25, 2006 11:21 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very funny Jan, don't know which one made me laugh most.
Hugs Margaret

October 26, 2006 8:21 am  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi,

As it happens my supermarket has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh, and just before it goes on there is thunder and lighting.

But the other scents and sounds thankfully they do not have.

Janice~

October 26, 2006 3:53 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi again Jan ~ Glad you got through Bowling and hope the shoulder is not too tender. An anxious wait now till next week blood results. Think positive.
Glad you liked the left-handed golf clubs. Take care, Love, Merle.

October 26, 2006 4:35 pm  
Blogger Sigrun said...

LOL about men!

Sigrun

October 26, 2006 8:29 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't boycott this one Jan, just missed it somehow.

October 27, 2006 12:23 pm  
Blogger DellaB said...

very funny - that Little Johnny's got a lot to answer for!

October 30, 2006 10:37 pm  

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