MEN!

Men! For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.

Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you older they get, the less firmthey get less firm they

2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like .Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like .Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like . Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped., . Everyone can use some fun

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

`

`

The day after Halloween,

Little Johnny sat on the park picnic table, gorging on his candy with sinful abandon.

An old lady saw what was happening and said, "That cannot be good for you when you are young.

You need to have more concern for your personal health," to which he replied,

"My granddaddy lived to be to 100!" "I bet he never had that much sugar in one sitting!"

"My granddaddy always minded his own freakin business!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’""But why?" asks the man.

"I’m a divorce lawyer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The new supermarket opened near my house and has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~